Saying “Yes” to Sex? Is that Your Exception or Your Rule?

A good post. I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment. many people forget that sex is a gift from God and not something that should be held out, abstained from because of some vague or ill conceived sense of morality or used as a bargaining chip to get what we want. If the sex life is gone then so too is a good deal of our intimacy and gestures of love and caring for one another. While there are always some who physically can’t manage it for a variety of reasons in an otherwise loving relationship, it behooves us all to consider our partners wants and needs and the tremendous bonding that come come with a full and healthy sex life.

It is easy to put our spouses off. It is even easier for us to justify our spouses behavior, absorb the hurt, and feel like we are doing the righteous thing in our martyrdom. This cuts both ways – men and women. Thanks for the post. http://choosetotrust.com/2012/07/but-shes-a-good-mom/

This should be helpful to many busy and “tired” couples. The benefits are there! Seize them.

I’d just like the opportunity to be able to say no. I think in one year of marriage, I can count the number of times my husband has asked for sex on one hand. I have had said no twice, but only because I take sleeping tablets and the rare occasion he had asked was just as they were kicking. I’ve tried having sex like that (this is my second husband) and it ends up with me violently ill, sometimes needing to go to hospital from being so ill. Yet at least several times a week my husband refuses sex, and right from the very start of our honeymoon. he thinks I’m a freak for wanting it at least every second day (3 times a week) and there have been many times during our marriage where even getting sex once a fortnight he has made it clear he thinks providing that much is a chore. He’s made it clear in counselling if it were up to him, he’d probably have sex once a month, maybe twice, and thinks anything more than once a week is excessive. Sadly the counsellor gave him misinformation on how often married couples have sex, and even then, I couldn’t make him see that 1. that figure was wrong, and 2. was for couples across the lifespan and included people in their 70s and 80s who had been married 50+ years. As newlyweds in our first year of marriage, healthy, in our early 30s, comparing it to a figure for all married couples is not useful – and the figure wasn’t even correct.

I went to counselling because I was tired of feeling rejected, and walked away feeling like it just gave him justification to keep rejecting me physically. Now I initiate maybe twice a week, but just because it lessens the number of rejections. It has nothing to do with tiredness on his part, and he honestly doesn’t feel he is withholding or rejecting. He just honestly feels once a week is more than plenty and has no interest in more and that I am the freak nympho for wanting it more than that. I am the one who is battling illness and constantly tired, but you don’t see me saying no or never initiating like him.

Excellent post! Couples also need to consider how using sex as a weapon or to get back at a spouse that has hurt them by withholding sex until the offending spouse apologizes or makes amends plays into one or both spouses falling into emotional cheating, which often leads to physical cheating. Not clear on how this can occur? Check out “Guard Your Relationship Against Infidelity at http://www.relationships360blog.com.

[…] What I want you to know about great sex and your marriage is that you both have to be willing to give and re-give yourselves, often when you really want to do the exact opposite. […]