Wives: Do You Know Why Your Orgasm Matters?

Thank you for continually facilitating an adult conversation about healthy sex in a Christian context. I get so frustrated when I read articles–often with great ideas–that simultaneously reinforce the notion that s*x or org*sm is wr*ng or sh*meful by refusing to treat words as– um– words. I whole heartedly agree that sex is part of the sacred covenant of marriage and that *gasp* –it’s AWESOME when you have a loving partner to do it with!

Great post, as usual, Julie! And yes, orgasm does matter!
I agree that no man would ever consider not climaxing during sex and if he didn’t get to he wouldn’t want to have sex very much. Certainly, there are times where it may not happen, but in general it is more rare.

Aside from all the reasons you listed for wives not having orgasms, there is another one I would add…the notion that women shouldn’t make orgasm the ‘goal’ of sex and can just be happy without having one. Okay, well, maybe having an orgasm shouldn’t be a ‘goal’ and maybe, yes, we can be still be ‘happy’ without having one, but why shouldn’t we too, get to experience that grand finale to our lovemaking with our husband?
Too often I have read articles like this, usually written by a man nonetheless, that basically downplays a woman’s orgasm. It is thought that for most women achieving orgasm is so hard that many don’t want to or need to work at it. And while it can be true that climaxing can be harder for women than men, part of the fun in my opinion, is working towards it with my spouse.
But if we were to say these things to a man on the occasion he did not climax but his wife did, wouldn’t he still feel the frustration of having gotten almost there, and then nothing. Can you imagine the wife saying, “Oh, I’m sorry hon, you didn’t get to come, maybe next time. But remember, it’s not all about the orgasm!”

So, why make it a ‘goal’ that you want to achieve with your hubby…he will feel fantastic for getting his wife there, and well, she just might feel pretty good too! 😉

Great and very relevant post. Both wives and husbands ought to experience sexual fulfillment in their loving marriage.

I balled my eyes out when I read this. We saved it to read on the plane as we left for our honeymoon. Thank you for the words of sexual wisdom – it meant so much to both of us.

Thank you so much @E.J. Smith, @Aimee, @Larry B and @Jessica for taking the time to comment. Means a lot to me and you all make such good points.

@Jessica… I’m so glad you were encouraged by the post as you start your marriage. It has occurred to me that at some point I need to offer an opportunity for soon-to-be wives to hear some specifics about sexual intercourse, pleasure, etc., in a safe setting. I wouldn’t want to call it a class, but something along those lines?!! Your comment was some confirmation to something God had already laid on my heart. Thank you!

What do you do if your partner can not perform because of sexual issues. But wants to make sure your satisfied. Do you let them or do you wait on them until they are able to have orgasms again. I should say were only in our 40’s

Hello @Debi beauvais… my encouragement would be that you have a conversation with your spouse to see how he feels about the situation. It is good he wants to make sure you are satisfied… that shows that he is interested in nurtured intimacy even if he is struggling with issues that make it difficult for him to have sex (not sure if you are talking about erectile dysfunction or something else?) At any rate, the more you can have open discussion about your intimacy, the better. I know it’s not easy, but right now you are probably both operating from a place of guessing how the other one truly feels. Also, if possible, do what you can about the sexual issues he is struggling with. Possibly there are solutions you haven’t considered?

[…] I’ve written extensively about orgasm and you can find those posts on this page on my site.  I also wrote a post here on Engaged Marriage titled “Wives, Do You Know Why Your Orgasm Matters?” […]

[…] Wives: Do You Know Why Your Orgasm Matters? […]

Where to start with this? I’ve just found this after reading an article on orgasm on a reputable secular website. The tone (in the otherarticle) is far less pressured and, frankly more reassuring than this one (and others like it on Christian sex blogs). Telling a wife who struggles to climax that “he enjoys sex more when you climax” is unacceptable and counterproductive. My advice to women who struggle to orgasm is, avoid articles like this one and find a resource which works for you and enjoy sex and pleasure with your husband whether you orgasm or not.