I can't talk to my husband without him getting angry

Is talking to your husband like pulling teeth? Gathering up the courage to talk about your feelings only to be dismissed and greeted with anger can be very frustrating.

In fact, if the only response you get from talking to your husband results in anger, it can be hard to communicate further and let him know what’s really going on with you or the relationship. This can unfortunately lead to unhealthy behavior or emotions that only affect you negatively in the long run. But don’t worry, there is still hope and there might be some ways you can still focus to improve communication with your husband to better your relationship.

How To Deescalate The Situation And Understand The Cause

If your husband gets angry easily, facing anger with anger might not be the best way to handle an aggressive situation. Focus on de-escalation and keep calm. This means you need to be open to listening and understanding before getting worked up.

Don’t Assume The Cause

Approach your husband without any judgments or assumptions. The number one assumption to avoid is thinking, “my husband is always annoyed at me.” Allow him to explain the issue, and try not to judge or scold him. Ask yourself, “Is he generally an angry or negative person?”, “Did he snap after you shared something with him?”, “Does he feel like you are avoiding him physically or sexually?” Finding out what the situation is and trying to understand his side of things might be a way for him to realize that you’re not here to attack him but rather want to understand.

Download This One Powerful Tip to Instantly Deepen Your Commmunication

Stay Calm And Try Seeing Things From His Point Of View

While this might be hard to do, staying calm will help ease the situation and also help your husband start to feel calmer and less defensive towards you. To ease communication during a challenging time, ask your husband questions like, “Help me understand what you need.” or “I want to hear your point of view, I’m here to listen.” Showing him that you are ready to listen to his side and see where he is coming from might help him open up to you more. We understand you might be feeling upset and angry yourself, but trying to come from a place of understanding will take you further than lashing out in anger. You want your husband to be able to open up with you without getting angry, and staying calm is the best way to do that.

Find A Way To Give Him A Moment To Breath

If things are really bad between you both and your husband seems to always be annoyed, it might be best to give him some space and let him breathe. Giving him some space will allow him to take some time to cool down and realize his feelings before he is ready to talk. Sometimes, constantly pushing someone to talk to you can push them away. Try and take some time to yourself, maybe practice some self-care, pick up hobbies or even enjoy the fresh air by going on walks or hikes.

What To Do If You Believe Your Husband Is Being Abusive

What To Do If You Believe Your Husband Is Being Abusive

Contact the domestic abuse hotline by calling (800) 799-7233 immediately if you feel like you are in danger and need support. You can even chat online as well as text “START” to 88788.

You deserve to be in a happy and loving relationship. Sometimes we believe that our partners can change and give us what they want. However, sometimes this is not the case and we end up in relationships that are emotionally or physically abusive which damages us psychologically or even physically.

6 Tips To Help Improve Communication With Your Husband

To help improve communication with your husband, here are 6 tips for you to try to incorporate.

Be Open And Honest

This is a must in any relationship. If you need your husband to help you with something or need to tell him something that bothered you, try to be direct and open with him instead of bottling it in. If you’re having trouble connecting with him intimately, avoid thinking, “my husband gets angry when I sleep with him,” but open up to him and figure out what you both can do to bring the intimacy back. Try not to be accusatory or taunting as this will only push him away, but come from a place of calm and love and notice the difference. 

Get Specific

You need to be clear and specific to help your husband understand what’s going on so you both can be in the same page. Tell your husband exactly how you’re feeling and be specific with what you want. If you’re vague, chances are he’s not going to understand what you’re trying to tell him and what he can do to make things better.

Avoid Mind-Reading, Be Direct

As mentioned, being clear is the way to go, therefore you need to be direct when you communicate with your husband. Your husband is not a mind reader and cannot help you if he doesn’t understand your needs. If you need your husband to help you clean the bathroom, tell him nicely. He might not pick up on what you’re saying if you just complain about how dirty the bathroom is.

Improve Communication With Your Husband by Listening Without Being Defensive

Listen Without Being Defensive

Listen to understand. When you agree to listen, you need to be patient and hear what your husband has to say. Don’t immediately follow up with a defensive response, but take some time to acknowledge what your husband is saying and allow yourselves to reflect. This will definitely help improve communication especially because both parties feel that they are being heard.

Avoid One Word Responses

No one likes a one-word response, especially during a tense conversation. One-word responses don’t allow us to fully express how we’re feeling which in turn escalates the situation further. It almost feels like you’re taunting them, which is an unhealthy way to communicate. Instead, make it a habit to share your side of the story as well.

Find A Middleground To Meet At

Relationships are all about compromise. You need to be okay with not getting your way with everything all the time. If the conversation is going nowhere and only ends up in arguments and fights, it might be a sign that one or both of you needs to find a middle ground to meet at. Avoid playing the blame game and being in constant defense mode. Try to find out the best way to resolve the issue and what changes both of you can make that feel fair to one another. 

You don’t want to keep having thoughts like, “my husband is always annoyed at me” or “I can’t talk to my husband”. Approaching arguments or conversations with these thoughts can be negative and problematic in the long run. We’re all growing and evolving together and sometimes working on communication is key to a happy relationship. Additionally, if things are progressing towards being abusive in your relationship, you want to protect yourself and make sure you are in a safe situation at all times.


About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. This is such numbminding responses . Really….?
    I cannot for the life of me find someone in the same situation as me. Please, SOME ONE. reach out to me that has a husband who looks and talks. to be perfect on the outside until things get deeper on the inside and then stuff gets crappy in the bedroom and beyond.
    I would really love to chat because no web searches have been positive for me. I know I am not the only one out here!!!!

    1. Narcissistic tendencies mine too nothing is his fault if I then yeah but can't really leave or anything got me well bound to him

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