Are you seeing signs that you’re falling out of love? Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, Ed.S., a licensed marriage and family therapist says that if you’re in a relationship, the more likely it is they’ll go through a period or two where you feel you’re falling out of love.
There’s no doubt that when you feel a spark with someone, you’re so captivated by them and can be so in love that you hope it will never fade. Love is a blissful feeling leaving many of us happy and filled with joy. But it is also a feeling that sometimes can fade over time leaving you wondering if it was love in the first place. We as humans have many complex emotions. And we go through life learning and growing and figuring ourselves out. It’s no wonder relationships can be complicated – there’s another person in the mix!
When you start a relationship with someone where you eventually get married, you go through every part of life together afterward. In the duration of our relationships, we go through a lot of ups and downs and face a lot of change. When are married, our partner goes through this journey with us. As we evolve and grow, these changes can cause us to wonder if the spark between your husband or wife is still alive or if they’re signs you’re falling out of love.
How To Tell If You’re Falling Out Of Love In Your Marriage
If you’re starting to feel the love fading from your marriage or want to understand if these are signs you’re falling out of love, you might want to ask yourself these questions:
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Do you avoid spending time with each other?
If you feel like you are starting to prefer hanging out with your friends over your husband or wife or are constantly looking for things to do without them, this might not be a good sign for your relationship.
Does nearly everything end in an argument?
A little bickering here and there is normal but if simply communicating leads to an argument it’s not healthy and something to be concerned about.
When was the last time you slept with one another?
While busy schedules and daily routines can get in the way of intimacy, if your desire to even have sex with your partner is non-existent, this might be a sign of a bigger problem.
Do either of you frequently reject sex?
Piggy-backing off the previous point, are you both avoiding or rejecting sex?
Has either of you turned to cheating?
This can be in the form of emotional or physical. Are you seeking intimacy elsewhere, if so, you need to reevaluate your own relationship and ask yourself why.
Are you taking one another for granted?
It’s common to take your partner for granted in marriage. You have been together for so long that, sometimes, you might not appreciate one another like you used to. Now, you can make an effort to change this, however, if you’re indifferent and don’t care, that is an issue.
Do either of you feel undervalued?
Are you feeling like, “my wife doesn’t value me” or “my husband doesn’t value me?” These can be signs of resentment, which isn’t healthy in any relationship.
Why You May Be Falling Out Of Love
There are many telling signs you’re falling out of love. But have you thought about all the factors that might be affecting the relationship? Think about it. Are things tedious or boring? Maybe you feel like you have fallen into a rut with your partner. Can you try to switch things up and spice up your routines every now and then? Things like planning a trip or spontaneous date nights and dinners can help add a little fun to your week!
Have you thought about if work has taken over your personal life?
We live in a society where “hustle culture” is celebrated. But what about prioritizing our personal lives and relationships? While working hard and providing for your family is important, it might also be coming in between your relationship if you are not able to find a healthy work-life balance. Is this something that you can fix or work towards building a balance? Things like unplugging after the workday or scheduling time to have date nights could be a starting point.
Is either of you at a low point in life or depressed? Have you had a chance to check in with your partner? Are you going through a challenging time in your life?
Stress and depression have a way of interfering with our relationships and health. If you are worried about your marriage, look inward. It might not be one of the signs you’re falling out of love but simply because there are other factors that are affecting your mental health. If so, you need to take care of yourself first and ensure that you are getting the right care you need to get better. Your husband and wife want to be there for you and communicating this will help figure out how they can be there when you need them.
One of the main signs you’re falling out of love is the feeling of resentment toward your partner. Resentment is the build-up of bitterness from feeling undervalued or unappreciated. Thoughts of “my wife don’t value me” or my husband doesn’t value me” are important examples of feelings of resentment. This is a hard one to work through because resentment often starts slow and builds over time to a point where you cannot stand your partner anymore. How do you come back from that?
Can My Marriage Be saved?
The good news is, your marriage can be given another shot – provided you and your partner want to make it work. While you can’t simply make your wife love you again or your husband loves you again, you can work through the rough patch together to fix your relationship. According to Dr. John Gottman, roughly 70% of relationship problems are, by nature, perpetual and unresolvable (e.g., she wants kids but he is infertile). Solve the 30% of marital problems that can be fixed. That 30% needs to be worked through and both partners need to want to put in the effort.
How To Rekindle The Spark In Your Marriage
Communication is important when it comes to any healthy relationship. Here are some tips to help you rekindle the spark in your marriage.
Prioritize Your Relationship
When you feel the love fading from marriage, it might be time to prioritize your relationship. It might not be that you’re falling out of love but simply the fact that your relationship has not come first in a while. This can cause the relationship to suffer and needs to become important again. Try to actively make time for your partner and use this time to communicate and enjoy each other’s company. Prioritizing your relationship needs to be consistent and something that needs your attention.
Add Some Spice To Their Life With A Surprise
Spicing up your relationship is a great way to try to bring the spark back! You can surprise your partner with a fun date, an activity you both like to do together, or any idea that will make you enjoy spending time together. You can even gift them something they’ve been wanting to buy to make them happy and feel appreciated. Additionally, if you are tight on money, you can show your partner you appreciate them by writing them a letter telling them how much you value them and the ways that they have made your life better. Expressing gratitude is a great way to reevaluate your feelings and feel gratitude for what you have. In turn, it’s also a great way to show someone how much you appreciate them.
Consistently Find Time To Spend With Them
While date night is a good idea, one date night won’t be enough to fix the relationship. When working through a rough patch, you need to consistently put time aside to spend with your husband or wife. This will help you both communicate, open up to each other, and rekindle the relationship in the long run. This time can be used to do activities together or simply just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.
Start Now Not Later
If you are actively trying to save your marriage, you need to start sooner rather than later. Waiting and wasting time will only continue to keep you apart and further increase the distance in the relationship. Too much space is also not healthy and you may feel like you’re starting to pull away emotionally. You also don’t want to be consistently in the loop of figuring out how to make your husband love you again or how to make your wife love you again. If you need to start working on your marriage, you need to start now.
It’s important to know that you both are a team and need to work together to build back your relationship. Focusing on empathy is a great and healthy way to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand him or her better instead of blaming them for everything first. When two people want to put in the work, the spark could come back and help you get your marriage back to where you want it to be.
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He’s so loud, most of the time. His voice projects through our home. My hair stands up on end when I hear him. He slows down and has this creepy, child like voice when he wants intimacy. I can hear him suck his snot as he complains to me that I don’t react to his ‘gentle’ touch. I wake up to him massaging my back. He’s laying down, using one arm. I imagine he’s there just glaring at me. I didn’t ask for the massage. I’m still sleeping. My back is turn toward him. I’m not engaged and I don’t react. He contradicts everything I talk about, even over topics I am well versed in.