Have you been lied to about sex?
Worse, have other Christians been behind those lies?
Maybe! The good news, though, is that once you recognize these lies, you can set the record straight in your marriage and make sex a sacred, nurtured and mutually-valued aspect of your relationship.
Here are 3 sex lies (some) Christian wives believe:
This is a sneaky little lie that usually shows up subtly, much to the detriment of your sexual pleasure as a wife and the profound effect sex could be having on your marriage.
Nowhere — I mean, nowhere — in the Bible do we see that sex is just for the husband. God wants a husband and wife to mutually honor and nurture sexual intimacy in marriage.
I think some Christian wives start to believe sex is just for a husband because his drive may be higher or because it is easier for him to reach orgasm. If that describes your situation — if you drifted into believing sex is just for him — I’m here to say that your sexual pleasure matters.
If you struggle with not enjoying sex, try to figure out why. Talk openly with your spouse and commit together to making intimacy enriching for both of you.
Sex isn’t just good for your marriage, it is good for you personally. And if your husband is like most husbands, he wants you to enjoy sex. He wants you to want it.
A good friend of mine was talking with her early-teen daughter about intimacy, and the daughter said, “Well, I only want two kids, so I think I’ll just have sex twice when I’m married.”
My friend laughed and said, “Well, I don’t think your husband is going to be too happy about that!”
My friend could have easily gone on to say to her daughter, “You as a wife aren’t going to be too happy about it either! If you really grasp how God designed sexual pleasure and bonding, you’ll discover how much you like it too!”
She didn’t say that, of course, but I imagine she will someday. But right now her daughter is like most girls and young women who intricately associate marriage with having babies. We don’t grow up associating marriage with tender soul-drenching sexual pleasure and bonding.
It’s not that it’s bad that sex is how we get babies, because God did indeed say go ye forth and multiply (and sex was the means He designed to get there).
BUT, we spend a lot of time in marriage having sex that does not lead to babies. Even a couple who marries in their early 20s likely will spend less than the first third of their marriage in childbearing years (assuming they are married for upward of 60 years).
And let’s not forget about married couples who face the heart-wrenching struggle of infertility, sometimes without ever getting pregnant. What about couples who marry later in life, beyond their childbearing years?
Or couples who simply cannot get pregnant because of injury or illness?
Or couples who are already pregnant but still could be having sex during the pregnancy?
Suffice it to say, sex is not just for procreation. And God’s Word backs this up. In Proverbs and in Song of Songs, for example, God reminds us about the delight of marital sexual pleasure. And in 1 Corinthians, He reminds us that having sex regularly protects a marriage against temptation.
Stop believing and living the lie that sex is just for making babies. It really is for so much more.
It’s hard to grasp that Christian modesty could ever be a bad thing, but I do think it inadvertently has taken quite a toll on some marriages.
Don’t get me wrong. I get that we as Christian women want to maintain a high standard of discretion in the way we dress and carry ourselves in public settings. Sadly, though, this approach has seeped into marriage beds everywhere.
Inhibition and modesty have sabotaged what could be profound sexual connection and fun in the exclusive sexual encounters between a husband and a wife.
While I cannot define what being uninhibited means for each married couple, I do wholeheartedly believe that there is freedom to enjoy different sexual positions, techniques and so forth.
As long as there are NO third parties (real, imagined or pornographic) participating in your intimacy AND as long as neither spouse is getting hurt (emotionally, physically or spiritually), then I think a married couple has tremendous freedom.
Discuss as a couple what would make sex more bonding, intimate and enjoyable for you. You can stretch outside your comfort zone without compromising your Christian values.
Now is the time to stop believing the lies… and start engaging with your spouse sexually in a way that reflects all God designed sex to be.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.