When you envision a romantic atmosphere, do you see toys, laundry in piles, or clutter all around?

No?  Then why do our bedrooms seem to become that way?

When we were first married, very little clutter invaded our bedrooms.  Yet, as each child made an appearance into our family, our room seemed to gather more junk.

A pack-n-play, toys for when the kids were around as we were getting ready in the mornings, books, shoes…all the goodies our children like to leave around.

I realize that sometimes the kids need to be around us in our bedroom, but more recently we’ve discovered how wonderful it can be to keep the kids (and their stuff) out of the room.

Our bedroom is now OUR room alone – a place to relax, hang out as a couple, be intimate and enjoy quality, stress-free time together.  It’s a sanctuary right inside our otherwise chaotic house.

No Kid Zone

Most of us have homes in which nearly every room has something for the children…and why not?  It’s their house, too!

I have come to the conclusion that in our house, our bedroom is the room where the kids shouldn’t be if at all possible.

I enjoy being able to go into our room at night and have it be clean and organized.  It isn’t an easy habit to break if you already have a routine established where the kids are in your room, but it’s totally worth the effort to give it a try…and see how small changes can make a big difference.

Building a Sanctuary on a Budget

We’d all love to have a beautiful room with lush, posh surroundings, but most of us live on a budget and can’t afford a total room renovation.

Here are some suggestions for making your bedroom a sanctuary for very little cost!

  • Clean it up!

Take the time to de-clutter your shelves, dressers, nightstands, etc.  Give your tables a good cleaning and you’ll notice your room will be a little more welcoming for you and your spouse.

  • Put it away!

When telling our kids to clean up and put their toys away, I say, “It has a home, so put it there.”  The same applies to us adults and our laundry and other belongings.  Put your books and remote controls in a drawer and aim for being able to see as much of your table and dresser tops as possible.

Also, try to remember to make your bed every morning – it is more inviting when it’s time to get in it at night!  If everything is tidy, it’ll feel more like a hotel room…and who doesn’t like hotel sex??  🙂

  • Make it over!

Now, if you’re on a budget, you may need to plan a bit for this.  Sometimes just a new color on your walls (or just one wall as an accent) can make a big difference in how you feel about your room.

If you have a few extra dollars, buy some high thread count sheets…they really are worth it!  Making a change in your bedroom to distinguish it from the rest of the house may help you to accomplish that rule I mentioned earlier…

  • No kids allowed!

Okay.  I know there are some people out there who feel strongly about the family bed.  I’m just not one of them.

I’m happy to snuggle with our kids on the couch, read to them in their beds, watch movies on the living room floor, but our bed is OFF LIMITS!

When we were new parents, and trying to catch a few more winks of sleep when our baby would wake in the morning, we’d bring him in and let him snuggle with us.  Really though, I don’t think I got a single extra minute of sleep with him in there.  He would roll, babble, and later try to lay on my head.

So, after our second child was born, the bed was off limits.  When a child woke, either one or both of us would get up and start the day.  This has helped us (and the kids) to reinforce the fact that Mommy and Daddy’s bed is only for them.

They really aren’t even allowed on it when it is made.  As a bonus, we never have to worry about juice spills or cracker crumbs when we are ready to relax.

To sum it up, keep the room clean and the kids out.  With a few simple changes, your bedroom can be a special place for you to enjoy time “away” with your spouse…right inside your home!

Do you treat your bedroom as a sanctuary?  What tips would you add to make it happen?  Share in the comments below.

This article was written by the better half of Engaged Marriage – Bethany Riechmann is a super-busy Mom to three little rascals.  When she’s not reading or working to keep the house in order, she enjoy shooing her children off the bed. 🙂


About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. It’s funny. The last time I commented on this blog was when Bethany wrote here for the first time. And when I clicked on the link (cause I was reading through my email), I was surprised to see that it was her who wrote this post. I’m always drawn to comment when she writes.. Women connection! =p

    Anyway, the last point on making your bedroom off limit sounds good to me. Although this is the first time I’ve heard of this and it’s not something we practice at home with my parents. I will talk to my husband about this and ask his thoughts about it. =)

    Thanks for sharing this post! =)

    1. That’s fantastic, Viviene! I keep telling Bethany the blog needs more of her voice, and I agree that she’s great at writing and relating to the ladies of the EM community.

      I hope your discussion with your husband went well – we love having our bedroom and our bed be a “no kid zone”!


  2. Had I read this post couple of years ago when i was a first time mom, my response would have be totally different.

    After 3 children under the age of 3. I say yes, yes, and yes to keeping them out of the room. It’s a juggling act of course, i still have to watch out for the odd legos.

    I am constantly telling them not to bring any toys into our bedroom. Although I’m not there yet but we have started the journey and daily we are winning the battle of getting our bedroom back!

    By the way, I love the new logo. That was my choice too.

    1. Thanks for the compliment and input, Buky – we really like the new logo!

      And rest assured that our views and rules around this topic have definitely evolved as our kids have gotten older…and more numerous. 🙂


  3. Love the ideas–just have a practical question–we don’t have little ones yet–they are coming soon (ETA–Feb), but the home we live in (and are planning to stay in for many years with many kids) has our bedroom as access to stairs–to get to the kids bedroom or for the kids to get downstairs they will HAVE to come through our room. which also has no door between their room and ours due to the ancient builders. Any suggestions on how to handle this quandary? obviously we have a few months/years before this becomes a big issue, but it’s important to both of us and so far we haven’t come up with a solution.

    1. Is it possible to renovate (at some point– since you have a bit of time) and make it so the stairs do not have to go through the bedroom? Or is is possible that you could make the Master Suite upstairs by knocking out a wall between two of the now “kid” bedrooms?

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