3 Things Sex WILL Do For Your Marriage

I met recently with a bride-to-be who wanted some insight on sexual intimacy in marriage.

In a few short months, she’ll be joining her life with the man she loves.

She had a few questions about sex, and she wanted me to shed some light on the realities (good and bad) of sex in marriage.

I was her “go to” gal for this, because obviously I have few inhibitions talking about this sort of thing. (I know. You’re surprised, right?!)

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If I were to ask those of you who are married about sex in marriage, what would you say?

I know for some of you, your responses would be drenched in heartache, disappointment, confusion and maybe even anger.

Depending on your circumstances, you envisioned sex in marriage to be amazing, frequent and — dare I say — magical.

But those visions have failed to materialize.

If you are a woman, you probably thought it would be a lot like the sex portrayed in your favorite romantic movies.

Easy. Mesmerizing. Passionate. Tender.

If you are a man, you probably thought it would be mutually-valued, frequent and a smorgasbord of stimulation.

God gave you the green light, and you were all about “full speed ahead” on savoring that blessing.

For some of you reading this right now, sex has been all of those things and more.

As someone who has lived a previous marriage where sex was a huge struggle and now am in a marriage where sex rocks my world in the most fulfilling way, I certainly have spent time in both the camp of sexual disappointment and the camp of sexual “wow!”

I’m no idealist.  Marriage is hard, eh?

I think it is one of the hardest endeavors we ever choose to enter, and this may surprise you, but that’s why I think nurtured sexual intimacy is soooo important.

There are benefits to sex in marriage beyond the orgasm.  As great as pleasure is, it is pleasure and connection with the person with whom you do life that affords you marvelous realities that you just can’t find anyplace else.

Here are 3 things sex will do for your marriage:

1.  Help you extend grace.

This is big, and at the beginning of marriage, we can’t fathom how much we are going to need it.

Early in marriage, we are still riding the wave of the fairytale and believing our marriage will be spared the struggles other marriages regularly encounter.

Then we come face-to-face with the truth that doing life with another person who is sinful like us is oftentimes excruciatingly hard.

We have to learn how to extend grace, over and over again.  Sex helps you do that.

There is something about frequently giving yourself sexually to the person you married that softens you to each other.

As I have often said, I like my husband better after we have sex.

2. Relieve stress.

This piggybacks a little on point #1.  Life in general is stressful, and marriage is not immune to that.

In fact, in some regards, married life (and the little tykes that eventually show up) can be incredibly draining.

Yes, orgasm from a physiological standpoint has been proven to relieve stress, but more importantly, I think pleasure with the person you are doing life with is what really has power to reduce stress.

Instead of waiting for stress to subside before you have sex, why not reverse that train of thinking?  Be more intentional about having sex regardless of the circumstances in your life.

Convey with your body and heart that your sexual desire for your spouse is not contingent on everything else in life moving along smoothly.

My guess is that deep down, you both want to know without a doubt this tender reassurance: “I’m in this with you. I’m right here.“

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3.  Equip you to be a better witness for Christ.

I’m not going to go all Jesus freak on you, because most people hate that sort of thing.  But I will say this…

Sexual connection with the person you married is one of the best ways you can worship God and serve in His name.

I know.  Sounds completely ludicrous that I so closely tie these two things — sexual intimacy in your marriage AND your Christian witness.

Sadly, I hear from many people whose spouse is completely careless with sex in the marriage, yet steadfast bent on serving at the church.

If you are spending countless hours leading Bible studies, making food for funeral luncheons, organizing Vacation Bible School or singing in the choir — yet you are purposely negligent at nurturing intimacy in your marriage — then I humbly encourage you to pause for a moment.

Take a good look at God’s heart for your marriage.

We are better equipped to serve the Lord if we are diligent about the intimacy — and sometimes sexual healing — that needs to happen in our own home.

When you read the above 3 things sex will do for your marriage, I pray you feel encouraged and inspired.

I pray you will bravely start desiring greater possibilities for sex in your marriage.

You’re worth it. Your spouse is worth it. Your marriage is worth it.

• RELATED: How to Make Your Bedroom a Sacred & Sexy Space

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