more sexDo you think there will be plenty of time down the road to nurture sex in your marriage?

Maybe. Maybe not.

When my husband and I married, we were 37 and 33, respectively.  And though we had each had sex in previous relationships, we did not have sex with each other until our wedding night.

We had been engaged just under a year and had been together for nearly two years, so to say the sexual tension between us was intense is an understatement of the greatest magnitude.  We wanted each other — in the worst (best?) way.

During our first few years of marriage, we enjoyed an incredible amount of sexual intimacy.  And even now 11 years after we said “I do,” we certainly still enjoy and savor our sexual connection.

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But — and here’s the caveat you can’t see at the altar — life has a way of moving along and sabotaging sexual connection.

We started marriage with my 5-year-old son, and then we added another little guy to the picture about a year and half after our vows.  I couldn’t have seen then what I’m living now.

For those of you doing littles, brace yourself.  If you think the newborn, toddler and preschool years are busy, the grade-school, middle school and high school years will push your calendar to a new level of insanity.

And I’m not even talking about those folks who over-schedule their kids in a bazillion activities.

I’m talking about painfully average folks like me and my man, keeping the ship afloat and making sure everyone gets where they need to be with what they need when they need it.

There are things you can’t see at the beginning of marriage (thank God) that then become your reality the more years you log.

For us, in our short 11 years together, it has been the thrilling (and exhausting) ride of raising kids, of caring for an elderly parent, of losing jobs and changing jobs and finding jobs, and of facing a myriad of health struggles and financial hurdles.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am grateful for the life I wake up to each day. Grateful.

But I don’t always like the toll it has taken on the sexual connection in my marriage bed.

Do you think there is plenty of time down the road to nurture sex in your marriage?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Do you know why you shouldn’t wait to to have more (better) sex?

Because if you don’t build now the healthy habit of regularly and intentionally connecting with each other sexually, you will find it almost impossible to do when life gets cumbersome and treacherous.

When I think of how my beloved and I now have to seek with eagle eyes the sliver of margin in our life to make love, I think of how much more difficult it would be if we had not invested in our sexual relationship early in our marriage.

There was a time in our life when sex came easy — when we weren’t neck deep in parenting chaos and we weren’t taking care of an elderly parent and we had the advantage of being a bit younger than we are now.

The reason you shouldn’t wait to have more and better sex is because the elusive “tomorrow” that you think will be an easier time to have sex really doesn’t exist.  In fact, depending on your age and season of life you’re in, the “tomorrow” you wake up to might very well be incredibly harder than your life today.

I’ve long believed that when a husband and wife are taking good care of their sexual intimacy — having sex often and making sure they both are enjoying it — they are better equipped to do life.  Better equipped to savor the good moments.  Better equipped to endure together the painful debilitating parts.

Do you think there is plenty of time down the road to nurture sex in your marriage?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Mark my words. Your sexual connection tomorrow will depend on what you are doing about it today.


About the author 

Julie Sibert

Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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