This is an important question. A lot hinges on what you and your spouse would each say in response to “What do you like about sex?”
“I like the pleasure, but not the mess.”
“I don’t like the vulnerability.”
“I do like the oneness.”
“I hate how much he wants it.”
“I love how much she wants it.”
“I don’t like that we fight about it.”
“I love the desire, the passion, the uninhibitedness.”
“I like the way it makes me feel.”
“I don’t like the awkwardness.”
“I like the way he caresses me when we make love.”
“I like her body next to mine.”
“I don’t like the painful memories it stirs in me.”
“I like how we are nicer to each other afterward.”
“I hate it that I can’t relax.”
“I just don’t like sex and I don’t know why.”
Recently, someone suggested to me that I give the impression that sex is the most important thing in marriage – that marriage is just about sex and little else.
Of course, that’s not my take on it. After all, like most of you reading this, I am married.
I know marriage is a complex weave on so many levels that it could never be reduced to being “only about sex” (no more than it could be reduced to being only about children or only about finances).
In many marriages, sex is a side note, an extra “we’ll get around to if we ever have time and energy.” Some marriages don’t get around to it at all, beyond the babies they created in the early years.
And then there are some people who would be eager and excited to answer the question “What do you like about sex?”
From the Lord’s perspective, marriage is the one place sex is not only permitted, but designed to be celebrated, pursued and mutually enjoyed.
A husband and wife who thoroughly pour themselves into profound sexual intimacy have found a bit of a jackpot. Sure, there is richness in their bed, but it is a unique kind of richness that amplifies richness outside the bedroom as well.
And when there is sexual disconnect in your marriage (because let’s face it, there likely will be at some point), how do you handle that disconnect? Do you ignore it? Seek to heal it? Refuse to give up … or give up easily?
I’m not saying everything in a marriage banks on your answer to, “What do you like about sex?”
But it’s definitely an area worthy of investment. What about you? What do you like about sex?
For more reading on this topic, check out 5 Ways to Like Sex in Your Marriage.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.