I remember a time after my husband and I had just made love, and we were talking.
And by we, I mean me. I was talking. Mostly to myself.
And he was falling asleep.
He was falling asleep so quickly that had it been an Olympic sport – this falling asleep shenanigan – he would have taken gold.
Can you relate to the above scenario?
Some of you are seething just thinking back on similar moments in your own bed.
Maybe it happens every time you and your husband have sex. You’re still reaching for a towel (what with the lovemaking having wrapped up only seconds ago), and you glance over to see your husband asleep!
Like, really asleep.
And you are hurt. Offended.
Baffled that the two of you have just experienced this incredibly bonding experience, only to have him roll over and drift off with ease.
If him falling asleep feels hurtful to you – maybe even compels you to think you are nothing more than the object of his sexual release – I want to encourage you as one wife to another.
I want to encourage you to see his sleepiness in a different light.
Many wives have wondered why a man can fall asleep so quickly after lovemaking. She interprets his unabashed sleepiness as an emotional slight, a confirmation that all the stereotypes about guys and sex are indeed true.
Sex is just sex to him.
There is another possibility, though.
I would even argue it’s a more credible possibility than the emotional carelessness we too often have assumed when he falls asleep after sex.
When you and your husband make love, he is at his most vulnerable. Every husband I ever hear from in comments and emails tells me that sex is not just sex.
It’s not just a physical release. (After all, he could do that all on his own).
He feels so incredibly safe and honored and loved by the woman he married.
Your husband falling asleep after experiencing incredible sexual connectedness, not to mention a great orgasm, shouldn’t offend you.
If anything, you should pat yourself on the back and smile.
And isn’t that what you want for the man who wears the ring you gave him?
Isn’t it what you want for the man with whom you share commitment and messy life and cumbersome schedules?
He is sleepy because he just gave his whole self up – physically, emotionally, spiritually – to do the one thing he can experience only with you.
If some casual conversation after making love is more important than all of that, then I encourage you to humble your heart.
And the next time he falls asleep quickly after the two of you make love, curl up next to him.
Take a breath. And go to sleep too.
Your marriage will thank you.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.