7 Ways to Rekindle the Romance when You're Married with KidsRaising a family can take its toll on couples, sometimes resulting in prolonged lapses in intimacy and romance.

If you feel like the romance has gone out like a flame, don’t feel too bad about it – you’re not alone.

Most couples experience phases of reduced romance and intimacy, especially after children are born.

Because intimacy is so important in relationships, it’s good to try and find ways to combat the fatigue and reconnect with your partner.  Here are some tips to help you make it happen.

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1. Make time for your relationship.

Between crying babies and demands from the office, it may not seem possible to make time for your relationship. If you want it to work, you have to try.

Even if it’s only for an hour, that time with your partner is important.

2. Appreciate your partner.

You and your partner work hard to keep money in the bank, raise the kids, and keep the house clean. These jobs may not be split entirely equally, so it’s important for both partners to appreciate the things the other does.

So, remember to say, “thank you.” You’ll be surprised by just how much depth a simple act of gratitude can add to a relationship.

3. Flirt often.

Relationship expert, Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D., recommends flirting to keep a marriage fun. “Send your partner sweet and sexy text messages they would not be expecting…newness is sexy, and flirting is a great way to make things feel new and fresh again.”

Here’s an idea for wives looking to spice up their marriage: Why not place a piece of feminine lingerie on the bed? He’ll walk into your bedroom, see it lying there, and know you’re planning something steamy for later.

4. Communicate.

If you haven’t discussed your intimacy issues with your partner, you should. Communication is a huge part of intimacy.

How are you supposed to feel close enough to kiss someone if you can’t even talk to them? Make time to talk about important interpersonal issues! Share with your partner and your bond will grow.

5. Do things because you want to, not because you have to.

Holidays are important to families, especially the romantic ones. Of course, you should get your wife some flowers on Valentine’s Day, but she’s going to feel extra special when she gets a surprise bouquet on some random Tuesday.

Instead of waiting for a holiday to dictate when you should appreciate your partner, appreciate them on random occasions to show you’re thinking about them all the time.

6. Spend time together.

It’s important to spend time together. Lots of couples have date nights, even if it means just renting a movie after the kids are asleep.

More than just dates, you should go out and do things together. Go shopping together. Eat out together. Be together.

During the holidays, make sure that you’re shopping for your children together. This will strengthen your bond as parents and remind you that you’re doing the right thing by keeping the love alive. You can even bargain shop together.

Wives shouldn’t be reluctant to let their hubbies in on the Black Friday fun! Invite him over to the computer to take a look at the Black Friday specials you’re perusing.

7. Get help if you need it.

If you feel like you’ve exasperated yourself trying to fix your flawed relationship, you may need a third perspective. There’s no shame in seeking professional help.

A marriage counselor can assess the situation and make professional judgments to help with the issues you’re having.

How about you – what do you do to keep the romance alive in your busy marriage?  Share in the comments!


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About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. If you focus all your attention on your kids and let them take over your life, you are putting your relationship at risk, and that is not doing your kids any favors at all. Happy mom and dad = happy kids. So make time for your partner and be the best partner you can be – never neglect your relationship. You can still be a good parent. Just don’t fuss over your kids all the time. They don’t need it. They’ll be more resourceful and independent if you don’t run around after them all the time.

  2. Totally agree with you especially with the one regarding keeping flirting with your spouse. This alone calls the emotions of the couple back to the honeymoon stage.
    Thanks for sharing such a great list 🙂

  3. My husband and I knew we should make time for ourselves. But those years with two young children,when I was also holding down a job were extremely stressful. Feeling tired all the time all I wanted to do at the end of the day was crash in front of the TV. Romance was way down the ‘to do’ list
    As the kids grew into teens we did start spending quality time together, and our relationship blossomed again!

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