Do you ever use those two words together in a sentence or in your thoughts? I actually do, but I also often find myself trying to come up with more effective ways to express just what Engaged Marriage is all about.
I would expect that you don’t face this same issue, so you probably haven’t had a good reason to talk about a “proactive marriage.” That’s cool. The words aren’t important.
However, if you do not practice a proactive marriage, I sincerely think you are missing out on an incredible opportunity for improving your quality of life. And more than that, you are quite possibly setting your relationship up for problems over time.
If you have been a reader here for a while, you know that I am a big fan of Seth Godin. You may have also read some of my thoughts on a book called “The Big Moo,” which represents the collective writings of 33 of the best business writers (and thinkers) on Earth. Mr. Godin brought this “Group of 33” together and edited this awesome compilation.
One of the stories in The Big Moo really resonated with me. Here is an excerpt from a chapter entitled “Panic at Inappropriate Times:”
Imagine a potbellied, nervous, cigarette-smoking salesman, pacing back and forth in front of his office building. He’s annoyed to be outside, but they won’t let him smoke inside. He’s puffing as hard as he can, anxious about getting back to work.
This guy is focused on solving the urgent problems in his life. And all those problems are about today. He’s not focused one bit on losing weight or giving up cigarettes or understanding how tense he is. He figures that there will be time for that later.
Right now, he needs to panic about the sales numbers that are due tomorrow. He’ll have time to panic about his health when he’s in the hospital having bypass surgery.
The time to panic about his health is right now, of course, while he can still do something about it. Taking action today on a long-term problem is easier, cheaper, more effective, and far less time consuming than waiting for it to become an emergency. The time to panic about his health is today. The time to panic about the sales numbers was last week.
When I read these words, I immediately thought about my life and those areas where I have allowed my focus to turn to short-term, relatively meaningless concerns and, in the process, lost focus of the real priorities.
Take a lesson from the fat cigarette puffer in this story. Don’t allow your focus to get out of whack. And especially do not let the important things in life slide by on cruise control until it’s too late.
Be proactive in your marriage! I urge you. Do it for yourself, for your spouse, for your family and for our entire society.
Invest 15 minutes a day in your relationship, learn about your spouse and their love language, and just give a damn now. Don’t wait until your faced with a loss of intimacy or a serious breakdown in your marriage. Do not require problems to surface before you work on improving yourself and your relationship.
I give freely of my time to provide you with the information and motivation that you need to be proactive. I want you to have an extraordinary marriage. I really do.
Of course your efforts have to go beyond reading a blog, but this is a reasonable place to start. Spend some time browsing the existing posts to find something that resonates with you, and then share it with your spouse. Pick one idea that you like and try to apply it in your life for a week. Sign up for free updates so new posts are sent to you to read at your convenience.
The posts aren’t important. It’s what you do with them that matters.
Be proactive and do things that matter…for your marriage.
I would love some feedback on this topic. While I have my own ideas, I would really like to hear what works for you.
What is the best “exercise” or practical advice that you’ve used in your marriage to improve your communication, romance, intimacy, spirituality, finances or any other area related to your quality of life?
You may just find some of your suggestions showing up in the new Marriage Time newsletter where they can be super-helpful in assisting couples to take a meaningful, proactive approach to their marriage. I understand the crazy lives that we all lead, so my focus in the newsletter is generally on high-value activities that can be done in around 15 minutes. Have you signed up yet?Photo by Ferminius
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.