Desire is an elusive little beast that comes and goes in marriage, especially for women.
If the spark has gone out of your love life lately, and you’ve tried all the usual tips and tricks to bring it back with no success, perhaps you’ve been looking in the wrong place.
A lack of desire for sex often has surprisingly little to do with what happens in the bedroom – it usually stems from what is going on in the rest of your life.
Find and deal with the culprit that is dragging you down, and you’ll find yourself feeling more like love.
Which of these 7 ideas might be the answer to your flagging desire?
1. Hire A Cleaner
If there’s anything guaranteed to put you off a night of passion, it’s seething with resentment because you have been left with all the chores yet again. You’re worn out and you’re irritated.
Use a cleaning service and remove the problem entirely.
Bonus: No more fights about whose job it is to clean the toilet.
2. Switch Jobs
When work is stressing you out to the point where you’re too tired to have sex, it’s time to think about changing careers. Perhaps you worked long and hard to get where you are today, but if it isn’t making you happy, don’t be afraid to say “Enough is enough!”
Life is too short to stick at a career that creates so much stress it wrecks your marriage or your health or both.
3. Get A Hobby
Perhaps it’s not stress that’s the issue in your life, but boredom. If you’re bored at work and bored at home, it’s time to add some excitement to your life.
Start looking for a new job you enjoy and some interests and activities to look forward to. Plan to do something different at least once a week.
If you have a lot of fun things happening in your life, it can renew your enthusiasm for everything, including sex – and your partner will enjoy spending time with a happier, more enthusiastic version of you.
4. Cut Up Your Credit Cards
Financial worries kill passion in the bedroom stone dead, and can cause endless arguments, too. Work on a plan together to focus on clearing your debts and becoming financially secure. Get professional help, if need be.
If you’ve been worried by the scale of the problem, simply finding out exactly where you stand, and having a plan to deal with it, can clear your mind and leave you more open to relaxing with your partner.
5. Simplify Your Life
If you’re not finding time for sex, then it’s time to let go of some commitments. You have taken on too much. Something has to give and it shouldn’t be your sex life, if you want your marriage to last.
You’ll still have to go to work and care for the kids and the dog, of course, but you don’t have to take the kids to every activity under the sun, be on various school committees and volunteer for every bit of extra overtime at the office. Reduce your standards, if need be.
You don’t have to iron every tea towel or keep the lawn trimmed to within an inch of its life. And if the kids take up all your time, remember, it will do them more good in the long run to have happy parents, than to have you divorced due to running a non-stop taxi service for them.
6. Switch Off
Don’t let anything get in the way of your time together, especially if that time is pretty limited. Record TV shows you want to watch, put the phone on the silent and switch off the PC. It will all still be there tomorrow.
Live life on your timetable and protect your time as a couple.
7. Have Dinner Early
A late dinner is likely to make you feel sleepy rather than sexy. If you eat early, you have time to digest your meal while you’re still wide awake and will feel more like getting active between the sheets later.
Also, if you have to eat late, there’s nothing more off-putting than trying to be sexy with a belly stuffed with pasta. The lighter you eat, the sexier you’ll feel (and look).
What tips would you add that have given a boost to sex in your marriage? Share them in the comments below!
Guest post by Ana Wilde, author of “PLAY! 77 Sexy Games For Two To Spice Up Your Love Life” You’ll find more of Ana’s articles on dating, love and relationships on her blog http://lovefromana.com
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.