3 Keys to Rebuilding Trust in Your Marriage - Dustin Riechmann - Engaged Marriage.001It doesn’t matter if it’s your spouse, your kid, your co-worker or God – TRUST is just so important to any quality relationship.

Trust is a funny thing. We tend to assume the best for ourselves since we know our intent and the worst in others because we judge based only on the outcomes of their actions.

We can be especially distrusting if we’ve been hurt in the past…and we’ve all been hurt!

Trust Is Dynamic

If I asked you whether you trust your spouse, you could answer as “yes” or “no” (hopefully it’s yes).

But if I asked whether you trust him or her MORE or LESS than you did yesterday…or last year…or on your wedding day…the answer gets a lot more interesting.

That’s because the level of trust in our marriage is always changing.

You are either building up trust and intimacy or you’re letting it erode by your actions (or inaction).

On a day-to-day basis, you can strengthen the trust between you by spending quality time together, talking, having sex, making decisions together and doing all those little things we do together as a couple.

And of course you can slowly lose that trust when you act selfishly, don’t follow through on your promises, withhold sex or miss a date night.

Trust is a fickle beast, but it’s SO important to continue building up.

But It Can Be Broken VERY Quickly

We spend most of our married time making those gradual changes and enriching our trust over time.

But as we know all too well, there are those Trust Bombs that can destroy trust in an instant:

  • Having an affair
  • Lying about money
  • Keeping secrets and getting exposed
  • Talking about your spouse behind their back

In the blink of an eye, years of built-up trust can be destroyed. And it’s difficult to learn to forgive and start back down the road of building up trust and intimacy.

Take Action to Build Up the Trust

Whether you’re simply looking to grow in intimacy and learn how to deepen the trust in your marriage on a day-to-day basis or you’ve been scarred by a major breach of trust, the key is to take action.

Here are three strategies you can use to build or rebuild the trust in your relationship:

1. Bring in Back-Up Help

It’s easy to lose perspective on your own situation when you’re living in it.

Reach out and seek guidance and support from a coach, support group, counselor or trusted friend.  Be sure that any resource you seek out is Pro-Marriage and will work in the best interest of your marriage.

Caution: Do NOT seek out help from those that may make the situation worse.  This would include recently divorced friends, never-married friends or co-workers…

2. Commit to Finding the Good

When you’re feeling pain, it’s difficult to see the good in those that we love – but it’s essential to the reconciliation process.

Commit to giving your spouse at least one encouragement/compliment every day for the next week.  This will help turn the energy in your relationship from negative to positive, plus you’ll be reminded of the positive characteristics of your spouse.

You’ll find it super helpful to keep a journal during this time and track how your actions change the way you see, respect and start to rebuild trust in your husband or wife.

3. Declare that YOU Are Taking Action

In every relationship, there must be a leader when change is required.  Whether your trust was broken or you broke the trust of your spouse in some way, you have the opportunity to repair/forgive the broken trust and move forward.

But it requires commitment and real action.  In time, your spouse will come around but getting started on this path requires you to step up and be a leader in your marriage.

Trust is an essential and sometimes elusive element in every relationship.  

Put these strategies in place to deepen the trust in your marriage and reap the rewards of the contentment and happiness that lie on the other side of the rebuilding process.


About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. How can I learn to trust my husband again when he not only breaks my trust constantly but he says there is nothing wrong with what he’s doing so he’s going to keep doing it and go out of his way to keep doing it to prove he’s “not being controlled by his wife”.

    Broken trust has been lying about money including making me go without food and medication saying he has no money but really just didn’t want to spend it on me, lying about having kids (he said 2-3 at least and he did everything he could to sabotage having the one we had), borrowing large sums of money behind my back, lying to his parents about me behind my back, constantly sneaking around doing other big things behind my back, refusing to have sex, refusing to treat the testosterone issue causing his lack of desire, no date nights at all, refusing to ever spend any time with me, refusing to even talk to me most days, grunting when I try to talk, refusing to do anything with me – fun or housework, and the list goes on.

    He constantly breaks my trust and then tells me there is nothing wrong with what he is doing and will go out of his way to keep doing it.

    How can there be any getting trust back then?

  2. Good thoughts for a difficult subject. Unfortunately it is becoming all too common in married couples who come to us for assistance.

    The first two suggestions are really key to any other actions the couple takes. Most often it is hard for the slighted spouse to see the good in this situation.

    So outside assistance will help point out the actions done by the offender.

    Keep up your good work!

  3. Thanks for sharing nice information. It’s important to establish the good relationship? Understanding and trust is the key factor important to have successful marriage life.

  4. Trust is very important in marriage. You have to make sure that you are not destroying your partner’s trust on you.

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