You know a regular date night with your husband or wife is not only a great time, but it’s really key to enjoying a healthy relationship, right?
Well then, when was the last time you actually got away together for a few hours to enjoy some romance?
I’m not talking about dinner out with the kids, and it doesn’t count if you were with a group of friends either.
While both of those are excellent ways to spend an evening, you really need some quality time alone to focus on each other.
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We Don’t Have Time
If you are anything like us, I bet the constraint that’s holding you back more than anything else is a lack of time.
We’re all so damn busy that it’s easy to jump from urgent task to urgent task, only to look up two months later and realize we haven’t had a single night out with our spouse.
Of course, some of this comes from being our own worst enemies and failing to manage our priorities properly. Sometimes, we even waste a lot of time on frivolous things like watching television or playing games on our phones.
However, in most cases, I think our time constraints are legit.
I hear from so many in our community, and I know you are hard workers with families that are hustling to make things happen, sometimes at the expense of your own time and intimacy.
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When we finally get time for a date, it's so easy to fall into the rut of "dinner and a movie." If you'd like some new, creative and FUN date ideas, you've gotta check out:
But We Can Still Make It Happen
I have to admit that Bethany and I were struggling in this area again recently, so we made a plan to make sure we were making our date nights happen.
I want to share a few tips that we’ve learned in the hopes that it helps you find the time for some all-important romance in your marriage.
1. Schedule It
You should have a regular date time, and it must be on your calendars. If you treat your dates as optional or “schedule” them after all of the “important” things are taken care, you will never have dates!
Seriously, your date time should be a high-priority appointment that is scheduled well in advance and doesn’t get trumped for anything short of an emergency.
If you value your marriage, realize that you NEED this time together. Seriously.
2. Look Outside the Obvious
Our weekends are really busy, and our babysitter often has other commitments on Friday and Saturday evenings.
Our solution: we have date nights scheduled for every other Tuesday night. It’s a set time that is much less likely to get interrupted.
Along these lines, you should look at some less conventional ways to spend alone time together that will work with your busy schedule:
- Date during the day
- Enjoy an at-home date night
- Date in the morning with a standing coffee date
- Work out together to combine fitness with recreational intimacy
- Make another “required” event a great date. For example, we were gone last weekend presenting at a marriage retreat. And we used this time away from home to enjoy each other and found alone time amidst our other responsibilities.
3. Budget It
You better have a financial budget! When you do, it’s really helpful to include some money for dates as part of your budget.
This not only takes some of the financial pressure off, but it makes it an “official” household activity that you are planning for and taking seriously.
We’ve found that having a date night budget item to cover babysitting, entertainment and meals is really helpful in keeping our time out consistent and enjoyable.
If your budget won’t allow these expenses, you can simply plan for a less costly alternative (see at-home date nights above).
I hope these tips make it easier for you to find time for your spouse. There’s really no better investment in your marriage than quality time spent together.
Your spouse is the love of your life. Sometimes, it takes a date to remind us of this fact.
Are You Looking for Some Fresh Date Ideas?
When we finally get time for a date, it's so easy to fall into the rut of "dinner and a movie." If you'd like some new, creative and FUN date ideas, you've gotta check out:
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These are some great tips! We’ve scheduled some over-nighters/weekend getaways here and there and we always come back refreshed and revived. And when things get to be too much as far as stress and not being able to relax, it makes the time alone even more enjoyable and important.
That’s great, Feisty Woman. I like regular, low-key date nights, but those weekend getaways are particularly fantastic!
Gotta comment on this on Dustin. It’s a great post. Makes you take a step back and reassess. I truly believe that if two people who are capable of making babies want to have a date night, they can be creative enough to figure out how to make it happen, even if it is carpet picnic…
Sarah Baron
Thanks, Sarah! A carpet picnic can actually be one of the best and most “memorable” ways to spend an evening…or an afternoon.
Date Nights are so important for my marital happiness! Research has found that 60 % of couples report that they never or rarely have date nights. We even teach our Marriage Prep 101 couples to have a date night- and turn off technology!
Seriously, other studies have found that couples who have different and unique dates have more satisfying relationships than couples that do the same thing every time. So Dustin…what are your Valentine’s Day Date Night plans?
Warmly,
Michelle
http://Twitter.com/DrMichellexo
Thanks, Dr. Michelle. It’s really sad that 60% of couples don’t make the effort to engage with each other through date nights.
We’re pretty low key about Valentine’s Day. We’ll actually be going out to a nice dinner the day after and just enjoying a quiet evening without the kids. We’re due!
Mandy and I have found this to be an extremely important aspect of our marriage. Especially with 3 little ones (5 and under) around all the time, it’s hard to find time together. We have community theatre season tickets, so we are gauranteed 7 date nights a year that way! We really enjoy those nights together without children needing something every 5 seconds.
Thanks, Mike! I love the idea of having a regular performance that you attend with it scheduled in advance. That helps to keep everything on track!
If you don’t have kids, is every night you are home together a date night?
Yes, Mary. 🙂
We have most nights together. We’ve not been married quite 3 years. We are in our early 60’s and at first we felt like teenagers. Most nights he is on FoxNews, or WND or something like that. He still works as a contractor, but in between times is home with me in our -300 sq ft RV.
I have to go somewhere to feel like I am on a date.
It’s about being intentional with your spouse. Being intent on scheduling time together amidst the busyness! Time together can be taken out of context tho. People equate time together as simply being near each other. Maybe the two of you are watching E! or she’s in the kitchen and your in your office, 15 feet away. Yea, its time together, but is it really? On the other side, it’s important to be proactive with your time spent together — actually talking and engaging with your spouse, getting beyond surface conversation and digging deeper. That’s what its all about.
Setting your priorities and keeping them in check definitely helps too..
Good post!
ML
Right on, Michael! You’re speaking my language here, and I totally agree about the need to actually “engage” with each other for at short periods regularly. It makes all the difference in the world.
We recently have found that budgeting for it really does help! Thanks Dustin 🙂 Also, when I help out around the house more it takes away from what Lacey would do when she gets home from work. Example: I took care all of the laundry the other day and we had time to watch a movie together!
I LOVE that you guys are doing so well with your budget, and that it’s enhancing your marriage. You’re a great guy who is serving as a leader for your household. Well done! 🙂
Dustin I think the key thing here is that we should make or marriage a part of our weekly schedule. While we all have a lot of important commitments everyday. Which of these is more important that our marriage. For me the answer is none. Great post.
Hi Dustin,
great site you have here! Although we’re not married yet, we still think it’s important to find time to concentrate on each other. That’s how we grow, how we express our love and how we allow our relationship to bloom. It’s also a huge part in helping us prepare for our future together after marriage.
We do spend a lot of time working together and we admit that we’re luckier than most couples being able to see each other often. However, sometimes it’s hard to draw the line between spending quality “couple” time together and being blogging/work partners.
Thank you for these suggestions! Tariq has already scheduled some time together during a weekday so that other responsibilites don’t get in the way. Thanks again!
Tariq and Shaheera