100, 99, 98, . . .
As your friend began the countdown, you raced for the best hiding place you could find.
Sometimes, just the blink of an eye would pass before you’d hear, “3, 2, 1. Ready or not, here I come!”
You knew your goose was probably cooked at this point.
There was always someone, though, who was the last to be found.
You know why? Because they were ready before the countdown began.
We don’t hear anyone counting down our moments, but it is happening nonetheless.
Sometimes, it is for the wonderfully exciting: finally meeting the one, or welcoming our bambinos into the world.
Other times, however, it’s those seconds that feel like hours as we wait for a proverbial shoe to drop, that long In-Between.
And every once in a great while, we round a corner, and WHAM!
We run smack dab into an unexpected life event, those experiences that carry the potential to dramatically and negatively change our circumstances.
Money Magazine reported that 78% of Americans will have a major negative financial event in any given 10-year period.
Being the optimistists—or ostriches—that we are, however, we often carry happily on, sure that everything is and will be just fine.
Who wants to think about dark times ahead while the sun shines so brightly?
Well, Noah did, as he built his ark. Joseph, too, took action. Over the course of seven bountiful growing seasons, he gathered so much grain it was beyond measure.
They were ready when the difficult times began and thus softened the blow considerably for their families.
Granted, these are extreme examples, but you, too, can take small and regular preventative steps to help sustain your marriage, family, and four walls during stormy weather.
Consider the main areas that make up your life: Financial, Family, Career, Personal Growth, Physical, Spiritual, and Social.
The quality of your life, and the resulting ability to hold things together when faced with adversity, comes from careful tending to each area.
When an area is full, Murphy is less likely to come knocking at your door.
It also means you can draw upon other areas when he does.
For example, if you are hit with a medical emergency, you can rest in the knowledge your finances are in great shape, including your emergency fund.
If you lose your job, you can gather comfort and support from a solid and healthy relationship.
You want to be free to focus the full measure of your attention solely on the main area of need.
We are going to talk about each section, particularly in relationship to the whole, as a pie.
The question is this: How much of each slice do you regularly keep on hand?
If you look at the diagram, you will see full and equal slices in each area.
That does not represent real life, by the way.
The more attention you give to an area, the fuller that slice of life is.
For instance, let’s say you are spending sixty hours a week at your job. Your Career slice would definitely be full-size. If you are the reigning Olympic Couch Potato Gold Medalist, your Physical slice of pie will be just a few crumbs in the pan.
That’s pretty fitting when you think about it.
Sketch out a quick seven-section pie-chart on a piece of paper, using the areas I’ve noted. You can add others, or rename any, too. Do what works for you. And remember this does not have to be perfect.
For each slice, color from the center out. The more area that is colored represents the greater amount of attention being paid to this area. Make a judgement about the percentage of attention given. Use a scale of one to ten, one being almost no attention, and 10 being a lot. Color that amount in on the slice.
Spouses, you can do this exercise together or separately: it’s up to you.
Once you are through assigning a value to each slice, take a look at the entire pie.
Do any slices jump out at you as dramatically fuller or emptier than others?
Do you or did you have a sense that certain areas were out of balance, and this diagram confirms it?
Remember that what is required of you and your spouse ebbs and flows depending on your season of life. When your children are infants, your family may require a great deal more attention. If you are building a business, your career may demand many more of your hours.
You have to regularly assess and reprioritize all areas.
There is no single, right formula, and no perfect, one-size-feeds-all pie.
It’s about what keeps your family happily and steadily fulfilled, prepared, and moving forward.
1. Financial. Get your finances in order: Do a budget, create an emergency fund, get out of debt. Dustin has lots of great resources here. Did you know that having better control of your finances gives you a greater sense of hope and improves your marriage?
2. Family. First and foremost, keep your marriage strong. Find simple, frugal, and enjoyable ways to fill your family’s love buckets. Remember that small things can bring big satisfaction. A close family and strong relationships provide great shelter in a storm.
3. Career. Choose to be happy where you are, or find somewhere you can be happy, because a happy mom and dad are a precious gift. Do the positives of the job outweigh the negatives? Is it a means to an end? Do you want to move into something else? Dan Miller, author of 48 Days to the Work You Love, maintains a supportive and uplifting community of over 12,000 entrepreneur-minded individuals. Check them out. Loving what you do pays priceless dividends to you and your family. I speak from experience: I went from Scaredy Cat to Too Darn Happy.
4. Personal Growth. Growing in your skills and knowledge can help with a new career, advancing in your current one, and your general overall satisfaction. Plus, being a lifelong learner is a great role-model for your children. Sign up for a class, attend conferences, learn how to do something new. Remember the kids will be leaving home one day, and then it will be just the two of you again. It’s great to continue to grow so you are both still interesting. 🙂
5. Physical. Just get up and move. Take walks. Play tag with your kids. Eat wisely. Sleep well. Meditate. When you don’t take of yourself, you won’t have the strength or immunity you need to handle a crisis. Plus, if you don’t take time to be well, you will take time to be sick. Check out Dustin’s helpful links here.
6. Spiritual. Grow your relationship with God. Pray, especially before you are knocked down to your knees. Refresh your spirit by going to church, joining a small group study, reading your Bible, devotionals, or websites that enrich and challenge you. There are a multitude of resources available-check with a friend or on the web. Your faith will sustain you through life’s most difficult times in a way that nothing else can.
7. Social. Make friends, join a club, attend concerts in the park, have other parents over for potluck game nights. You do not need to become a hermit just because you are married and possibly have little ones. Neglecting this area is easy to do, especially as a parent, but be intentional about creating and maintaining these relationships, both as a couple and singly. They will fill an important space in your life, as well as that slice of the pie.
There you have it: A plan to identify and fortify the main areas of your life so you will be as ready as possible when life pounds at your door.
I encourage you to spend time and attention to creating the right mix for your family.
Then, when those hard knocks come, you will be able to stand strong and leave the hiding strictly for fun.
Now it’s time to go play: 100, 99, 98, . . .
Question: What slice of your pie is most in need of filling?
Image credit: Eran Sandler
Kim Hall created Too Darn Happy to help you build stronger and more joyful relationships through offerings of fresh perspectives and practical advice. Having been a wife for thirty years and a mom for almost as long to two daughters, she also shares occasional cautionary tales of her own character building life experiences. Kim recently authored her first ebook, Practicing Gratitude and Discovering Joy-Thirty Days to a Happier You. You can connect with Kim on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, too!