Dustin, Author at Engaged Marriage

All Posts by Dustin

Follow

About the Author

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

Why Does Marital Status Affect Car Insurance Rates?

By Dustin | Finances & Careers

Car insurance for married couples

Auto insurers measure how much of a risk you pose against a number of factors. These include demographics, location, profession, driving record, type of vehicle, credit score, and claims history.

But did you know they also take marital status into account and offer lower rates to married people? 

Why insurers charge married people less for car insurance

While this doesn’t seem fair on the surface, the insurance industry has its reasons for using marital status to determine car insurance rates.

1. Single people are often younger 

Research shows that car crashes are higher among young people. This is largely due to their lack of driving experience and engaging in distracted driving behavior like texting and driving. 

In the U.S., teens are most at risk of car crashes. In the UK, it’s drivers aged 21-29 who have the most car crashes. Whether teen or twenty-something, younger drivers are more reckless.

As single people are often younger, insurance companies view them as riskier drivers.

2. Married people are seen as more responsible

Once you get married, mortgages, bills, and steady jobs tend to follow.

Insurance companies see married people as more mature, responsible, and financially stable. Even males 25 and younger (who typically pay the highest insurance rates), receive a discount on car insurance when they wed, provided they have no major blemishes on their driving record.

3. Married people with kids tend to be safer drivers

What else follows marriage? Kids.

Once a baby arrives, parents tend to become safer drivers. According to a survey by IDriveSafely.com, despite the fact fretful babies and toddlers pose a distraction while driving, 82% of parents still believe that they became safer drivers with a baby in the car.

Parents of teenagers also become more aware of their driving behavior as they try to set a good example when their teen learns to drive. 

4. Married couples are more likely to take bundled packages 

Many insurance companies offer home and car bundles or multiple car policies at discounted rates.

As a family with multiple drivers or multiple policies, you’re giving the insurance company more business. That, for one, makes them happy. In addition, being a homeowner or adding life insurance is another indicator of financial responsibility, so insurers are willing to reward you with lower rates. 

5. Married people may drive less

Married people may use one car to drive to work, social events, or the grocery store, which means one partner is driving less. Less miles can lower your premiums, even if you’re not married, so chat to your insurer if you are driving less. 

Living the single life can also mean being out at night and drinking more. This not only adds more miles to the clock but also increases the risk for drunk-driving accidents.

Married people with families, on the other hand, are more likely to stay home, safe and sound. 

Single vs married: How much do you pay?

According to The Zebra, married people pay, on average, $75 less per month than single people. But this isn’t only directed at people who never married. Divorced and widowed drivers are also penalized, paying $86 and $50 more, respectively. 

So when did this practice start? Many insurance companies refer to a 2004 study by the National Institute of Health conducted in New Zealand using data collected between 1988 and 1998. It showed that out of 10,525 participants, 139 driver injuries occurred. The study concluded that never married people had a higher risk of driver injury than married people. 

The problem with this study is that the sampling was small, the accidents few, it tracked driving behavior in a different country, and it is now hopelessly outdated.

Should marital status influence car insurance rates? 

It makes sense to include factors like age, location and type of car you drive. Younger inexperienced drivers are more likely to be involved in car accidents. A high crime area increases the risk for car break-ins and theft, and an expensive car will cost more to repair. 

What is being questioned is why factors like gender and marital status are used to influence rates. In some states, like California and North Carolina, insurance companies are no longer allowed to use gender to determine rates. Five states (Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, and Montana) also ban marital status. 

The Consumer Federation of America (CFA) advocates against using non-driving behavior, like marital status, gender, education, occupation, and credit scores, to determine rates. The number of car accidents, traffic violations, and miles driven are more solid indicators of risk. 

Single, separated and divorced persons also tend to have lower incomes and hiking their car insurance premiums adds to their financial strain. The CFA sees it as discriminatory against low- and moderate-income Americans.

Insurance companies say research backs them up, but is it fair to treat all single people or all married people as an equal risk? I guess that’s a question for the actuarial tables to answer.

4 Ways to Support Your Spouse Working from Home

By Dustin | Communication

Support Your Spouse Working From Home

Many people enjoy the opportunity to work remotely from home, and it has become an increasingly more popular setup over recent years. While this type of flexibility and arrangement certainly has its perks, it can often be a difficult situation to successfully navigate living at home with your spouse whose office is also your shared home.

Here are some of the best ways you can support your spouse working remotely for a happy work/home life balance.

Gift Some Blue Light Glasses

Is your partner having trouble winding down at night after a long day in front of the laptop?

It’s most likely a side effect from overexposure to blue light. This particular type of light that gets emitted from computer screens, or other digital devices, not only can have adverse effects on the eyes themselves, but it can also throw off one’s circadian rhythm, which lets the body know when it’s time to fall asleep at night, resulting in a lack of quality sleep.

However, stylish blue light glasses can be great to look into for your spouse should they be struggling to maintain a consistent sleep schedule since working remotely. As more time is clocked in front of the screen, blue light glasses block these higher energy wavelengths of light, protecting the eyes—allowing for better sleep and a less cranky partner!

Preserving a healthy sleep schedule has many health benefits, and this simple gift can make all the difference on screen-heavy days.

Discuss Workspace Options

Just as each marriage and relationship is unique, so are people’s working styles.

While some individuals thrive in group settings and enjoy the company of others as they complete their work, others may find it distracting and prefer a quieter or private working environment. Additionally, each job will have different requirements when it comes to meeting schedules or working hours.

Having an open conversation and communicating with your work-from-home spouse can provide great insight as to what type of support they need from you, as well as prove that you value the time and effort they put into completing their daily tasks.

Even finding small ways to create a calming home office space, like helping to keep things tidy or incorporating soothing colors, can be a great form of encouragement. Dedicating a set space for them to complete their work offers an outlet should the distractions of working from home take over.

Plan a Staycation

For remote employees, it can be difficult to recognize when to power off for the day when their office space is also their home.

Specifically now, with travel being discouraged due to the pandemic, a great way to help your spouse make use of their vacation time in a safe, but fun, way is to plan a staycation.

Taking advantage of their earned vacation time is something that some remote workers may be hesitant to do at this time. However, taking needed time off work can help prevent burnout and is overall beneficial to one’s mental health.

A staycation allows for the luxuries of a typical vacation without breaking the bank, less time needed to plan, and is a safer option to relax during this time of limited travel.

Small Reminders

Sometimes the smallest things can make the biggest difference, especially when considering the specific disadvantages that come with remote work—including a lack of motivation and a feeling of disconnect from their coworkers or team.  

Taking on small tasks, like offering to make the bed or a cup of coffee in the morning, are easy acts of service that can help motivate your partner on the days they may feel less motivated to get up for work.

If your partner values a routine and remote work is a newer setup for them, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy in their workday can go a long way in showing your support.

Whether this means having a conversation with them on their lunch break like you typically would if they were in the office or slipping a note in their laptop, there are small ways to show your love around the house. 

As remote work seems to show that it won’t be going anywhere for some time, learning to navigate having a spouse work from home is a crucial step in maintaining a happy marriage during these times.

Communicating with each other and offering small forms of encouragement can make a major difference in the job satisfaction of your partner.

3 Keys to Winning with Money in Your Marriage

By Dustin | Finances & Careers

3 Keys to Winning with Money in Your Marriage

“Always remember that you are a team. God has made you to work together. By combining your individual perspectives and respecting your partner’s strengths, God will use you in ways that you could never imagine and you will achieve goals that often seem impossible.”

For decades, I have written this paragraph (or something closely resembling it) on every card that I give to newlyweds. The advice is hard won, through years of making mistakes in my own marriage – mistakes which all began with money. 

My experience with disastrous money discussions began early in my marriage. In August of 1988, I had been married for ten, short weeks. Arriving home from work, I gathered the mail from the mailbox as I entered our apartment. Our monthly bank statement stared at me from the pile of assorted magazines, advertisements, and bills. 

I opened it, never expecting what met my eyes. I glanced down the row of cancelled checks. Everything seemed in order. 

Then, I saw it – the total at the bottom of the page. Our account balance was nearly zero! 

We were broke! 

How could this be possible? We weren’t living extravagantly (at least it didn’t seem that way). 

Numbers don’t lie. 

I realized that I needed to do something – and do it quickly – if we were to avoid disaster. 

A month later, I had written a budget, detailing exactly how we were going to spend our money. My husband arrived home from work and I announced unceremoniously, “We are out of money. I have come up with a plan. We need to move to a cheaper apartment. Oh, and I need you to get on board!” 

Predictably, this conversation did not go well. 

Clearly, I had a thing (or two) to learn about money conversations (and communication, in general) in a marriage. 

That was over thirty years ago. Since that time, Larry and I have learned to work together as a team. We have lived debt free, paid cash for cars, and bought a home with cash – all while raising four sons on an income which was consistently under the US national average. 

How did we do it? 

We followed these three “rules of money engagement”. 

1. Respect Your Partner

Every good partnership begins with mutual respect. Clearly, when I took it upon myself to determine how we would spend money as a couple (without even consulting my husband), I was disrespecting his position as my life partner. 

You are not autonomous in a marriage. When the pastor said, “You are now one”, it meant that you no longer had to navigate life alone. Your spouse is your team mate. 

In sports, a good coach never leaves a vital player on the sidelines – and certainly doesn’t fail to share the playbook with him. 

Larry and I often tell couples whom we are counseling, “If you aim at nothing, you are sure to hit it.” 

A budget is your roadmap, allowing both of you to know the game plan. It lays out the steps that you are both committed to taking to reach your goals. When it comes to money, if you refuse to involve your spouse in the process, then you’ll find it difficult to make headway. 

Mutual respect equates to mutual decisions. 

2. Appoint a “Designated Driver”

My husband is a last born. He lived at home until we married, paying his parents a moderate amount of rent. I am a middle-born, who moved out of my mother’s home at the age of twenty, lived with roommates, and figured out how to navigate life on a low income. 

Not only were our experiences different, so were our perspectives on money.

Despite the fact that we were both making just $5/hour, my husband and I had exactly zero conversations about budgeting before we married. 

Three weeks after we wed, I freaked out when he came home and announced that he was headed over to Radio Shack to spend $50 on some sort of electronic stereo component that (in my opinion) we absolutely did not need.  

I “calmly” (okay, not calmly at all) shouted at him that unless he intended to eat that pricey toy, he’d better not leave the apartment. I needed that money for groceries. 

He was stunned. “Why not? I looked at our checking account. We have the money in the bank.” It had, simply, not occurred to him that there was another purpose for that cash. 

I showed him the nearly empty cupboards. Suddenly, Larry completely understood that his decisions impacted our family. He was no longer a free agent. He was a member of a team. 

That night, we agreed that neither of us would spend over $10 without first checking with the other and I was appointed the family budget guru. No, I didn’t have complete control. I could not unilaterally begin making monetary decisions. I tracked the expenses, totaled up the budget columns every month, and set the agenda for our monthly budget meeting. 

If you’ve ever heard the saying, “Too many cooks spoil the broth,” it’s true. The more hands dipping in and out of the family coffers, the greater the confusion (and possibility for errors). 

Figure out which of you is best at tracking the numbers, and let them do the driving. (They will, seriously, enjoy it.) However, all the family financial decisions are talked about and agreed upon during a monthly budget meeting. 

3. Recognize (and Embrace) Your Differences

There is some truth in the old saying that “opposites attract.” Most likely, you were attracted to your partner because you recognized something in them that was lacking in yourself. 

When you meld these differences into a single plan of action, you can make amazing headway on goals. 

My husband is a spender and I am a saver. 

As the “budget nerd,” I become so obsessed with counting nickels and dimes, that I forget how to enjoy spending the money after we reach a goal. Alternately, my free-spending spouse has learned to check in with me before making a purchase. 

Half way through a recent, weekend getaway to Madison, Wisconsin, I began to feel guilty about the money we were spending. 

Larry took my hand and reminded me gently, “Honey, you did a great job planning this trip. You got us a deal on the hotel. You researched the cost of every attraction and restaurant. We saved up money for this trip. Every penny that we are spending is coming out of that fund. I need you to relax, be in the moment with me, and enjoy yourself. You have earned it.” 

He was right. 

Here’s the bottom line when it comes to money and marriage: When you each lean into the other’s strengths, your life becomes more balanced, more stable, and more peaceful. As a couple, you’ll be able to grab great, big goals with both hands and refuse to let go. 

It all begins with freely admitting and embracing that you are stronger together, working as a team, and respecting your partner. 

About the Author

Hope Ware has been a writer and public speaker for 35 years. Married to Larry since 1988, she has four sons and has homeschooled for 20 years. 

Hope and her husband raised their sons debt-free, including paying cash for their home, on an income which was consistently under the US national average. They discovered the secrets of spending less, saving more, and living with a spirit of joy and abundance. 

Hope and Larry dispense humor and practical advice about finances at their website: www.underthemedian.com and on their popular YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/underthemedian/ 

When she’s not speaking or writing, you’ll find her speed walking while humming songs of the 70’s, creating vegan versions of classic American comfort food, or singing jazz and spirituals with her friends and fellow musicians in the Heritage Ensemble.

6 Ways to Continue Pursuing your Spouse When Marriage Gets Tough

By Dustin | Communication

Pursuing Your Spouse When Marriage Gets Tough

We know that sometimes those vows don’t feel like they stuck very well, you might feel like they were an overpromise, unachievable, or even impossible.

Not to worry! We have six of our best tips to equip you both to make it through this season even stronger than before.

“A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.” – Pearl Buck

1. Make Getting Along the Goal

If you both agree that disagreeing isn’t serving your relationship well, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship goals during this rocky patch in your love story. You two have grown and changed since you first said those special vows.

If all you seem to do these days is argue, make a new vow to each other to always try to end a disagreement with an open mind and heart. This is also a great foundation for evaluating if there are any unnecessary arguments happening that are causing you both unneeded distress and division.

2. Spend Intentional Time Pursuing Each Other Again

Pursuing your partner in marriage looks a lot like it did back when you were dating.

When was the last time you told your spouse how much they meant to you? Or even looked into their eyes deeply to share with them the truest, “I love you”?

Pursuit can look like a lot of different things – it can look like a day trip to your favorite place, dinner at your favorite restaurant, or maybe a date night in.

Maybe you should budget time to pour into your partner? By subscribing to a date night box, you can have a date night every month from the comfort of your own home.

Or you can take your date nights outside! Did you both love adventuring as a dating couple? Now is the time to get nostalgic if you can!

Take a moment to pause here, remember your younger selves, and remember why you both said: “I do”!

3. Give them the Benefit of the Doubt

How many times have you jumped to conclusions and snipped at your spouse for something that you misinterpreted? Too many times to count at this point, right?

Pride and impatience breed discontentment. Instead of entering into a conversation with your spouse with anger, choose patience instead.

Conversations do not need to escalate to full-blown arguments if you both have chosen to make getting along your goal! Take a breath – catching your partner off guard with sharp remarks or trying to always get the last word in will not be fruitful for your relationship.

Your spouse will be much more receptive to talking through things with you if you choose to talk through your concerns when it’s a good time for both of you. If you respect their time, energy, and emotions by being responsible for your own emotions, you will both be better off.

4. Use I and WHY Statements

Did your spouse say something that hurt your feelings? Did they do something that offended you or was not received well by you?

There are healthy tactics to bring these things up without declaring war on the other. Here is one of our favorites – using an “I” statement instead of “you”. Let us explain.

Using an “I” and “WHY” statement allows you to hold responsibility for your emotions and explain your point of view from a responsible perspective.

Example: “I was hurt by the way you said that because I have expressed to you in the past how that made me feel unloved.”

A tactic like this is much better received compared to the same conversation that is started like this: “Why do you always say that, did you not hear me the last time I said not to do that? Do you even listen to me?”.

See the difference between the two? If you explain how you are feeling, you are much more likely to get your point across.

5. Check Your Expectations

Are your expectations too high? Most of us at one point or another in a relationship realize we may have set the bar too high. We are all only human, right?

Take a look at the things that are upsetting you in your relationship currently. Now, are those things realistic things to be upset about? Or are these things upsetting you out of anyone’s control?

Are they outrageous expectations for anyone to meet? If you said yes to any of these things, maybe it is time to lower the bar a little and extend some grace to your partner.

Extra points if you apologize to your partner for expecting too much from them, and tell them that you love them!

6. Meet your Spouse’s Most Important Emotional Needs

We all have different love languages. One of the most difficult concepts is giving and receiving love how others need love to be given and received. What are your partner’s love languages?

Read more here on The 5 Love Languages®. The more you push yourself to love your partner the way they need to be loved, the better your relationship will be.

It is hard work, but don’t let that stop you from rebuilding that firm foundation in your relationship.

You’ve heard it before, marriage isn’t easy. Just because it may not always be easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it!

If you both remember how his love story started, you can work together to make it through this tough time. Be encouraged because flexing your communication muscles will only make your relationship stronger. 

Should Married Couples Have Joint or Separate Bank Accounts?

By Dustin | Finances & Careers

Should Couples Have Joint or Separate Bank Accounts?Do you and your spouse use a single, joint checking account?

Or do you choose to keep separate bank accounts?

Have you considered the alternatives?

I was frankly surprised at the responses I’ve heard to these questions over the past week or so.

And I was really shocked at the emotional reaction that many have in defending the structure of their family finances.

It started in the responses I received where everyone seemingly ignored my main points in the “7 Simple Steps to Financial Success in Your Marriage” and focused in on my statement that a joint checking account was the way to go.

Curious, I then posed the question on the Engaged Marriage Facebook page and received some incredible responses.

For instance, the pro joint account crowd provided comments like this:

Mary: We have a joint checking account. Always have and always will. We’re married and share everything – nothing is his and nothing is mine. We agree on finances and how we spend OUR money.

Erica: We have joint everything…we discuss all major purchases/goals/bills, but gas, food, etc. just comes out of our joint account as needed. It works very well for us and I couldn’t imagine having it separate. All the figuring out who has paid for which thing and how much and trying to make it “even” etc. has never made sense to me. It’s US, and OURS. 🙂

And some readers love their separate checking accounts:

Sam: We have separate accounts. I cover most of the bills and the majority of his money is used for discretionary costs (gas, food, etc). We both have access to each others accounts, so it’s not like my money is strictly my money (and vice-versa). Works for us!  Honestly, I think a joint account would cause some stress for us.

Jennifer: We have separate accounts. I pay mortgage and living costs (groceries, fun, etc.) and he pays all other bills and savings. We find it much easier to manage money that way.

Don’t Tread on My Financial Life

I don’t think my suggestion of trying a single joint checking account was too radical or really all that forceful in the way it was presented.

Nevertheless, pretty much every comment on my Couple’s Financial Success post was related to that issue.  I was even accused of making broad generalizations, and it was clear that I offended some folks with my recommendation.

It turns out that people can be pretty passionate about their choice of bank accounts!  I loved the conversations, and as I have taken some time to think about the issue a little more, I’ve even opened my mind a bit.

I thought it would be useful to outline the main reasons why a married couple may choose a single joint account vs. separate accounts.

And then, for the really important part of this exercise, we’ll take a look at why this decision should matter to you and your spouse.  Here’s a video I created that really cuts to the chase on this issue:

Reasons Why a Joint Bank Account is Best

  • Encourages regular communication about finances
  • Built-in accountability partner on spending matters
  • Fosters unity in money matters
  • Strong sense of working together to meet financial goals
  • Clear that all household income is treated as “our” money
  • No conflict or administrative work in “splitting up the bills”
  • Dave Ramsey says this is best, and we all love Dave, right?

Reasons Why Separate or “Yours, Mine and Ours” Bank Accounts Rule

  • Duties of financial bookkeeping not solely on one person
  • Clear boundaries set up-front for individual spending
  • May be easier to track specific savings goals
  • Easy to surprise your spouse with gifts
  • No need to talk about finances regularly
  • Each spouse can keep “their proportionate amount” of household income
  • Ability to maintain privacy about what you spend money on
  • More independence and autonomy to spend as desired without seeking concurrence

So, who is really right?

After reading a lot about this issue and reflecting upon it, I have divined the one, true and infallible answer to this age-old question:

It depends.

You will notice that the reasons I listed in support of separate accounts are broken into two groups.  In my opinion, the “black” group are legitimate and healthy reasons for having multiple accounts.  However, the “red” group spells trouble.

The reasons listed in red are centered in a mentality of not just separate accounts, but separate finances within the marriage.

I feel strongly that this is a dangerous and unhealthy foundation for money management for a married couple.  These reasons come from a spirit of selfishness, and they do not reflect the fact that marriage is a partnership.  And they certainly do not support open communication and trust.

The Key is Intent

Personally, Bethany and I use a single, joint checking account and feel that is absolutely perfect for us.  And before I gave this much thought, I would have prescribed this same arrangement for every married couple.

Actually, I still think this is the way to go, but I can see where other approaches can work fine, too.

The main reason that we choose to keep a joint bank account is our belief in unity.  We believe that when you get married, you become one, and money is a key area where this is lived out.

There is no “yours, mine and ours” but only “ours.”

When you handle your money together, you are agreeing on your hopes, dreams and goals together.

The use of a single joint account also encourages (requires, really) open communication about your finances, which is absolutely critical to a successful marriage.

As long as the right intent is there, I think you also operate in full unity with multiple accounts.

I don’t think it provides as accommodating of environment for unity and open communication, but I fully believe many couples lead happy, healthy and successful financial lives together under this arrangement.

Plus, we feel it is just easier to manage when everything goes into one account and out of the same account.  For us, it’s the simpler solution to maintain a single checking account.

I realize that some couples find the simplicity of their money management to actually be enhanced by using multiple accounts.  And, while that’s not our deal, I can certainly understand and respect that.

In fact, we have several different savings accounts for this same reason.

The Bottom Line

In my opinion, the real question to ask here is not how many accounts you have, the types of savings accounts, or what you call them.  The key is to operate your finances in a unified way with open communication at all times.

You can do that with one account or twenty. However, if you do operate with multiple accounts, they should all be “joint” accounts that you both can access, and there should be absolutely no secrets about how money is being earned or spent.

And remember that your motivation should be one of unity.  That will keep you in the black and out of the red in more ways than one.

Are You Ready to Take the Next Step with Your Money & Your Marriage?

The question of joint vs. separate checking accounts is important, but it’s only scratching the surface of the money goals and problems you’re dealing with as a couple.

Lucky for you, we’ve teamed up Ann Arceo, an awesome couples financial planner from The Savvy Duo to create an easy-to-follow plan called “How to Get Control of Your Money & Create the Future You Desire Together

We walk you through 5 key money moves and show you exactly how to make them happen in your marriage.

Plus, you’ll have the help you need to overcome the other money frustrations you’ve probably encountered…

…from trouble getting started (or staying on track) to a reluctant spouse.  And we’re giving you all the cool tools you need to make it as easy as possible!

Click Here to Start Your Money Makeover!

How to Get Control of Your Money and Create the Future You DesireTogether (1)

So, I just have to know:

Do you and your spouse use a single joint checking account or do you choose to keep separate accounts?  Why?

Share in the comments!

1 2 3 86