Romance doesn’t come as naturally in marriage as one would think.
It’s similar to one in a canoe on the river.
Do nothing, and your relationship will drift.
It takes effort to go against the stream of life and romance your spouse.
Add to this struggles that are common in all marriages, and drift is nearly inevitable.
What can you do to forego it?
The answer is do something–any effort, no matter how small is going to help you keep from drifting apart even during the most difficult seasons.
I’ve compiled a list of struggles that we may or may not face at some point in our marriage. Along with each I’m providing a romantic idea you might consider to get romance in your relationship back on track.
I pray it will be a helpful tool.
Financial Debt>>Plan an at-home date night that doesn’t require money. All you need is the time set aside without distractions.
Illness>>Do something extra special to let your spouse know how much you care for them e.g. make them a hot toddy, diffuse an essential oil to counter their symptoms, fluff their pillow, buy them a special treat you know they’ll enjoy, give them the freedom and space to recover, watch something together on TV you know they’ll enjoy.
Conflict>>Be the first to apologize. Make it sincere and thoughtful. Then, plan an evening of all their favorite things.
Homesickness>>Plan an evening to celebrate all things from back home. e.g. Cook a special dish, watch a movie from their home town, reminisce together asking questions to help your spouse relive special memories, let your spouse know that you understand and care about how they’re feeling. Cheer them up in whatever way you know will make them smile. Plan a special dinner party to help relieve the sadness and build some new friendships.
Parenting Problems>>Sometimes when our kids are causing a lot of tension in the marriage, it’s good to give each other a break. Give them a night out with friends or alone, whichever would mean the most to them. Not all romantic gestures include doing things together. It’s being thoughtful in a way that is special to your spouse.
Job Stress>>Make a big deal of the weekend when it comes! Make a sign and put it in the garage saying “Welcome To Your Weekend!” Have their favorite celebration drinks and snacks available when they walk in the door. Plan some recreational activities over the weekend to help them feel as far away from their normal routine as possible.
Boredom>>Plan a surprise and don’t tell them it’s coming; let discovering it be a part of the fun. Or you could tease them that something is coming, just to help them get out of the rut of boredom. Many times all it takes to get someone out of the doldrums is to blow a little surprising wind into their sails. When I’ve done this, I’ve enjoyed the surprise as much as Tom did discovering it.
The biggest part of romance is knowing your spouse well enough to anticipate their needs.
What is your spouse’s biggest challenge right now?
How could you help carry that burden for them? Once you answer that, then do it!
Your spouse will feel loved, and you can rest assured that your canoe will be heading in the right direction.
Viva la Romance!
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Tom and Debi Walter have been cultivating their romantic vineyard for most of their 36 years of marriage. It has been their conviction from the start. Now they are passionate about helping other couples discover the rich harvest of romance available to them no matter the current season. Through their marriage blog, The Romantic Vineyard established in 2008, they provide regular posts about growing your marriage for God's glory.