3 Daily Practices for Smoldering Sex Life - Dustin Riechmann.001

Use Your Head – How To Send Sexy Signals To Your Partner

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire…

You often see the smoke and feel the heat before you actually see the flame, and the same is true for intimacy in your marriage.

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Your Brain on Sex:

As the largest and most sensitive organ in the body, your brain plays a huge role in attraction and intimacy.

Sex doesn’t just happen by chance.

It’s the brain signal processing that sets desire into motion… it picks up cues long before physical arousal occurs.

Basically, if your brain “sees” sexy, it stokes desire.

If you want to enhance your intimate relationship, you have to pay attention to what’s between the ears before you get between the sheets.

And if you want to interest your partner, you have to send the right signals.

If you don’t, there’s a lot of room for miscommunication which translates to less sex.

Think about your relationship for a moment…

Are there more “near misses” than you’d like? Have the ashes grown cold? Do you find yourself longing for more intimacy with your partner?

If you’re nodding your head furiously, then read on. You’re about to find out how to take those coals from dead cold to raging inferno!

The Same But Different…

When it comes to sex and the brain, men and women are not exactly created equally.

They have the same parts, but how those parts work plays a HUGE role in sexual desire and intimacy.

Differences in perceptions, hormonal responses and the actual size of brain structures mean that we interpret and respond to cues differently.

Without a biology lesson, here’s what you need to know:

  •  The flame ignites quickly and burns hot.

His brain has a lower overall level of activity, and he’s constantly seeking excitement. He’s hormonally more responsive to sexual feelings.

In short, he is more easily aroused. His levels of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) skyrocket with sexual activity.

  •  Her flame ignites slower but burns steadily when she feels connected.

Her brain is constantly thinking and processing information. She needs to be soothed, flirted with and encouraged (think mental foreplay.)

She is more sensitive to smell and touch. Touch (think physical foreplay) releases oxytocin which increases feelings of bonding and connection.

When you understand how differently you and your partner are wired, you can begin to unlock the keys to rekindling the flames of desire in no time.

3 Strategies for Fueling Deeper Intimacy

Here are three simple steps you can follow to bring the fire back in the bedroom:

  1. Create A Spark

Think of this as striking the match. You want to subtly send the signal to your partner that you’re interested. You want that idea to smolder.

   Make eye contact.  When was the last time you really looked into your partner’s eyes? Gazing into their eyes when you speak can be incredibly provocative.

   Use the sense of smell. Think candles, essential oils or perfume/cologne. Certain scents like cinnamon, lavender or even baby powder can be powerful aphrodisiacs.  

A dab of your perfume or cologne may be all that is needed to evoke memories of past encounters.

  1. Stir The Embers

You’ve sparked your partner’s interest. They know something is up. Now is the time to start stirring those embers and creating a sense of anticipation.

   Use the sense of touch.  You want your partner to have the sensation of skin on skin but not in a sexual way – hold hands, brush his hair back from their eyes, a kiss on the forehead.

Touch triggers the release of powerful chemicals that enhance attraction and sensation.

   Trigger a subtle expectation for sex. Remind your partner of a time when the two of you were connecting. Leave a card with a special message in his or her briefcase. Send a text with a link to “your song”.

   Do the unexpected. Do something sweet and unexpected for your spouse. Send flowers for no reason. Cook their favorite meal. Share a glass of wine on the deck.

  1. Fan The Flames

It’s time to fan those flames into a full-blown inferno! When you’re done there should be no doubt in your partner’s mind that you’re ready for action.

   Dress for success. For ladies, indulge in some lingerie that makes you feel sexy. Wear your hair a little differently. Men, the same goes for you. Find those boxers or briefs that give you all the manly feels.

Make sure the hair and beard are on point. Not only will these things signal to your spouse that you are receptive, it will also reinforce your own confidence. And confidence is always sexy.

   Be just a little naughty. One of the surest ways to fire up the interest and passion is to step out of your comfort zone. Do something a little different, a little edgy and just a little bit naughty. Send your love a provocative text or message.

Whatever you choose, remember that it’s an essential part of maintaining a deep,  multi-faceted, empowering relationship with your partner.

If you don’t tend to your fire, it can grow cold. For more ways to rekindle your passion, check out our best-selling Intimacy Reignited program:




About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. The couple really needs to workout the intimacy in a relationship. Don’t just let it fade. The list are points to remember.

  2. This is great advice. Something that helps marital passion and a healthy sex life is really important. I like the first point about creating a spark. It’s easy to get lazy and think sparks will just happen, but often you need to do something to keep that spark going.

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