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Photo courtesy of Stock Images by

You can always spot those couples who enjoy a romantic relationship. They’re the ones who sit close together in restaurants as they talk quietly with their eyes intently focused on each other. They’re the ones who have a sparkle in their voice when they speak of their spouse. And they are the ones you know enjoy being together just by the way they look when you see them.

How do they do it? What makes their marriage so attractive, while other couples seem to be bored?

The answer is easier than you might expect. They are intentional about romancing their spouse. What do you think of when you think of the word romance? If you think it’s only a feeling you would be missing a large part of what it means to be romantic. Romance is simply this–being intentional in expressing your love for your spouse in a variety of ways.

Here is a short list of those ways:

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  • How you think of your spouse
  • How you talk about your spouse
  • How you speak with them
  • How you treat them in public and in private
  • How you honor and respect them for who they are
  • Remembering the things you love most about them, rather than focusing on their weaknesses.

Being intentional in these ways will communicate your love to your spouse on a regular basis. And they don’t even have to know you’re being intentional. Let them be the beneficiary of this kind of attention without you pointing it out. Guaranteed your marriage will grow more romantic as a result.

On The Romantic Vineyard we did a post defining Romance by making the following acrostic:

R emembering your wedding vows!  Talk often about what you promised from the beginning and evaluate how you are doing.

O utdoing one another in showing acts of kindness.  This is our Biblical motivation!

M aintaining a clear conscience.  Confessing sin and offering forgiveness quickly mends those broken fences.

A ttuning to each others wants, needs, desires and dreams (this makes for the best date nights).

N ever using “never” and/or “always” in communicating grievances

C ommunicating regularly about your life together.  This means talking and listening.

E xpectations must be held lightly.  Life interrupts the best made plans, and we must give and take when this happens.

As you can see, romance is so much more than a feeling you get when you’re together.

Feelings are fickle and they can’t be trusted. A marriage built only on how we feel will not succeed. Romance and love are decisions we make. It’s how we choose to relate as husband and wife. And why should we be intentionally romantic? Why is romance so important? We believe it fills a marriage with joy. It reflects the enjoyment Christ has in the Father and the Father has in the Son. When we romance our spouse we are placing them in the place of honor where we cherish them with all of our heart, mind and soul.

Next month, we’ll share some ideas on what romance looks like practically in a busy marriage. For now just work on being intentional in expressing love and honor to your husband or wife. You have 30 days to see what this one change will do to improve your relationship. And please, let us know. We all need the encouragement to grow in this area, and nothing helps more than hearing the successes of others.




About the author 

Debi Walter

Tom and Debi Walter have been cultivating their romantic vineyard for most of their 36 years of marriage. It has been their conviction from the start. Now they are passionate about helping other couples discover the rich harvest of romance available to them no matter the current season. Through their marriage blog, The Romantic Vineyard established in 2008, they provide regular posts about growing your marriage for God's glory.

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. Pingback: Romance In Marriage–The Eyes Have It! | The Romantic Vineyard
    1. Batrice,
      Aw great! Thanks so much for sharing how it helped you. I love it when God does that for us too.
      Debi – The Romantic Vineyard

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