Gotta Love Sexuality

It seems that blog posts describing all the things we are thankful for are all the rage right now.  ‘Tis the season to reflect on how blessed we really are and to share our appreciation with others.  So, I took some time today to think about it for myself.

I am thankful for sexuality.  Yes, sexuality.  Now, please don’t confuse this with sex.  I’m certainly thankful for that too (!), but that’s not where I’m going here.

So What Exactly Do You Mean, Then?

I am thankful for the gift of unique sexuality that we are all blessed to possess.  I’m talking masculinity and femininity here.  Male and female.  Man and woman.

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After all, it’s the inherent attraction between masculinity and femininity that has brought us together in marriage.  It is the basis for sexual attraction, and it is what makes us fit together and complement our spouses both physically and emotionally.  Sexuality is the reason we are able to leave our individual families and become “one” as a married couple.

Sounds a lot Like Sex to Me…

Well, yes, sex itself is obviously based in sexuality and the attraction we feel to the opposite sex.  That’s the way we are used to thinking about it within the context of marriage.  But it goes way beyond that….bear with me for a moment.

Think about what you admire(d) about your grandfather if you were fortunate enough to see him grow into old age.  For me, it was the strong paternal spirit that remained until he passed away.  It was the fact that he liked fishing and playing cards with the guys, and he could fix my bike.  And it was the way he still provided for my grandmother and looked over her with a protective spirit.  It was his enduring masculinity.

My grandma loved to cook and give hugs.  She was a petite lady that supported my grandfather in a caring way even when he didn’t deserve it.  And she retained a strong, but feminine, spirit until the day that she died.  You could see her femininity in the glow of her eyes.

I see it in our children as well.  Our son is all boy, and our little girl is beautifully feminine.  The roughhouser and the princess.  Mama’s boy and Daddy’s girl.  He loves his baby niece and she is crazy for her grandpa.

The attraction between males and females is there even when the relationship is not “sexual” at all.

OK, I Get It.  Why Should I Care?

You ask such great questions. 🙂  You should care because when you realize the power of sexuality in your life, you see your relationships, your tendencies, your thoughts, your concerns, your strengths, your weaknesses and so much more in a new and healthy way.[quote]

Men and women are different.  They just are. It’s built into our brain structures, our physical build and our hormones.

Men prefer to communicate their emotions through action (sex, building stuff, punching inanimate objects).  Women prefer to talk and be held close.  Men inherently have shorter attention spans and are quicker to jump to action with decisiveness.  Women like to ask for directions first.  Men tend to make decisions based on facts and previous experience.  Women rely more heavily on emotional responses and empathy.

Does any of this sound familiar in your marriage? Obviously, there are exceptions because all men have a limited number of feminine traits, and the same holds true for the ladies.  But, in general, guys are masculine and women are feminine no matter how much society would like try convince us otherwise. I am on my second box of Viagra that I buy at and I take one pill every 5-6 days or so. It so happens that I’m enjoying some rather satisfying relationships, yet my poor erections put me at disadvantage. Alas, I am only returning to the level I was at 10 yeas ago, when I was 55. That is to say, my erection are sufficient but only in the missionary position. Doggy style is difficult, Andromache is impossible. Let me specify that my erectile dysfunction is about a year and a half old, but only reached the critical level (impossibility of penetration) 6 or 7 months ago. Is the problem coming from somewhere else, or should the dosage be increased from my current 50mg? Thank you all for your insights.

The sooner you realize that this is just the nature of things and affirm those sexual traits in your spouse rather than fight against them, the sooner you can start to build an extraordinary marriage.

I Am Thankful for This Knowledge

This is obviously not rocket science.  You knew this stuff before you read this post.  But did you realize the depth to which our masculine and feminine traits influence our marriage and really our entire world?

I only came to this realization lately.  And I am thankful for the knowledge.  I look at my wife as a beautifully feminine mate, and I understand why she doesn’t always think and react the same way that I do (thank God).  And she can forgive my shortcomings a lot easier when she realizes that I am not being obstinate or difficult…I just have inherent differences in the way that I see the world.

After all, I’m just a boy at heart.

Photo by Mo Kaiwen 莫楷文


About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. It is helpful to apply this knowledge even to professional relationships, as my boss is a man. He and I both are very appreciative of this type of knowledge, as we have learned it through the Theology of the Body, for example, and it effects our working relationship, which is very respectful and productive!

  2. That’s an excellent point, Batrice! In every relationship or encounter that we have, it’s so helpful to recognize and understand the masculine/feminine interaction that is going on. If we can just get past the stigma (and giggling) that has developed around the word “sexuality” we could really get a lot more out of our relationships.

  3. Yes, thank God for sexuality, for through it God reveals himself, especially in that original sexual orientation of man to woman and woman to man. Without it, what would we know of love or of God?
    .-= Brian Killian´s last blog ..Chastity: The Road Not Taken =-.

  4. It’s our sexuality (our differences) that provide the foundation for life long adventure and growth together, since you will never full understand the opposite sex.
    .-= Corey – Simple Marriage´s last blog ..Ask The Readers: What Are You Thankful For This Year? =-.

  5. Brian, thanks for an awesome comment! The marriage retreat we attended several weeks ago borrowed heavily from the Theology of the Body, and it’s amazing what you see when you start unpacking the spiritual implications of sexuality.

  6. Corey, well stated my friend. I am not a feminine person, so I’ll never fully understand how my wife thinks and feels. And like you said, that provides a lot of the fun and adventure in a life-long relationship.

  7. Dustin, this book: For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn has great explanations of differences between the sexes and how to communicate with your husband/partner. There is a companion book for men to read, and even one based on parenting. It was recommended through a church small group, where the couples read the books together and discussed them.

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  9. Ah yes. It took me awhile, but I finally learned to honor the Male Perspective. 😉

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