It’s the un-sexiest thing you do…
It’s Fighting, and it either happens way too often (or perhaps not often enough).
No matter your case, when you think about bringing back the spark in your relationship, the last thing on your mind is how you argue…
But fighting is the ultimate destroyer of date nights and intimate moments everywhere, and the only way to keep it from spoiling the fun is understanding how to do it right.
Your first thought is probably, “We don’t need to talk about fighting fair. We don’t fight like that.
Call it what you will. The fact is that every couple, even the very-definition-of-happy couple, has conflict.
They fight. Sometimes those conflicts are short-lived, minor skirmishes. It’s natural, and in some cases beneficial.
When you aren’t fighting fair, those little skirmishes become full on battles ending in emotional wounds, bitterness and no resolution to the problem.
Left unresolved, the scenario will play out again. And again.
There’s a difference between healthy fighting and fighting that causes serious damage, and we’re about to show you what that difference is and just how you can start fighting fair.
When you fight, you get into a sort of communication rut where it becomes the norm to say and do ugly things with the rationale of, “I was mad. I didn’t mean it.”
You’ve probably heard the old saying, “You can’t unring a bell.” The same is true about words said in a conflict.
Once you’ve said them, they hang in the air between you. You can’t take them back. Maybe you really didn’t mean them but the hurt remains long after the apologies are made.
If this sounds familiar, then read on!
Imagine being able to disagree, discuss and resolve a problem without yelling, tears or hurt feelings.
You’re about to learn powerful ways to handle conflicts with your partner in ways that end in resolution instead of hurt feelings.
Yelling communicates aggression, anger and a perception of threat.
The survival response is triggered and defenses go UP! You want to speak in a way that encourages your partner to hear you not fear you.
is a really, really good time to remember: think before you speak. Being respectful sends the signal to your partner that even though you may be angry, you can be kind.
Getting nowhere? Try one of these strategies:
If you focus on past issues, you can’t address what is happening between you now. If the old issue wasn’t a problem 24 hours ago, why is it relevant now?
Lose the idea of a “fight” meaning that one wins and one loses. That’s a game. Your relationship is not a game.
It’s easy to want to vent to others. We want someone to validate our feelings. Fight the urge!
You won’t get what you need and you’re setting your partner up for a battle he/she can’t win. You may be willing to forgive your partner but your family and friends will have a much harder time of it.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that regardless of the issue, you’re fighting for your relationship. You can fight to be right or you can fight to be happy.
You have to decide what is most important.
Whether it’s handling conflict or keeping the relationship healthy, even the most loving couples can get off track. Sometimes a little nudge is all that’s needed to get back on the path to happiness, fulfillment, and sensuality.
Once you can get your fighting right, the romance is sure to resurge.
Learning how to fight is a great start, but we both know that there’s a lot more to really open up and let the romance thrive. If you’re ready to bust out of a romance rut, you’ll LOVE our Bring Back the Romance program.
Be sure to check it out today…your spouse will definitely thank you for it!
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.