The Romantic Vineyard

Romance is often misunderstood.

We can either think it’s more than it really is, or that it is not worth doing–after all, we’re married right? What’s the point?

The point is, romance is what makes marriage fun and what helps keep your friendship alive and well, even during the most difficult seasons. But it requires intentionality.

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There are so many ways to romance our spouse in little ways throughout the day. This is why I’ve come up with a Romantic Reference Guide to help you find the perfect way to romance your spouse today, with little or no planning. Which one could you do today?

Romantic Reference Guide

  1. Put toothpaste on your spouse’s toothbrush before they wake up. This lets them know you were thinking of them while they were still sleeping.
  2. On cold mornings when they have to leave, start their car and get the inside warmed up for them.
  3. On cold winter nights use the blow dryer to warm the sheets on your spouse’s side of the bed. Do this while they’re washing up so they’ll be surprised at what you’ve done.
  4. Do one of their chores for them without saying a word, like unload the dishwasher, make the bed, mow the yard or rake the leaves.
  5. Buy them their favorite candy and place it where you know they’ll find it. You could include a note that says, “just because you’re sweet.”
  6. Post something on their Facebook page complimenting one thing you love most about them.
  7. Rent a movie you know they’ll enjoy watching, and when they ask the question, “So what do you want to do tonight?” you’ll already have an answer.
  8. Prepare their favorite birthday dinner when it’s not their birthday. Let them discover the surprise on their own.
  9. Plan a year of celebrating the date of their birthday–Tom’s birthday is on the 18th, so I would plan a surprise each month on the 18th.
  10. Learn the meaning of different flowers. Go to a local florist and buy one flower. Give it to your spouse and have them look on the internet to see what message you’re giving them.
  11. Make an appointment for your spouse to have a massage, manicure, pedicure or any other spa service. Have them get in the car and take them to their appointment.
  12. If your spouse loves to shop, give them a little cash and a couple of hours all to themselves to buy something just for them.
  13. If your spouse enjoys fishing, kayaking, playing golf or tennis or any other outdoor activity, set up a time for them to have the day to do this with a friend or two.
  14. Text your spouse your Top Ten List for what you love most about them. Do it one at a time throughout the day counting down to #1.
  15. Make arrangements for someone to take your kids for the night. Have a relaxing night at home to pretend it’s back when you were first dating.
  16. Make a list of all the places you’d like to make love. As long as you’re dreaming there is no limit–enjoy!
  17. Make a playlist of all the songs that have meaning to you and your spouse. Turn it on one night after the kids are in bed and light candles all over the house.
  18. Draw your spouse a rose petal bath with their favorite music and a glass of wine or sparkling juice. Afterwards rub body oil or lotion all over their clean skin.
  19. Ask your spouse what is one thing you could do that they’ve been wanting you to do for a long time? Then purpose to do it right away with no excuses or interruptions.
  20. Open the door for your wife wherever you go. Wives–let him.
  21. When your spouse is talking to you, stop what you’re doing and look at them.
  22. Limit social media when you’re together. The best conversation happens when you have no distractions.
  23. Commit to spend 15 minutes everyday talking specifically about what’s on your heart.
  24. Play with their hair, rub or scratch their back, whatever non-sexual touch you know your spouse enjoys. Do it without them asking.
  25. Go to your spouse’s place of employment and set up a card table in the parking lot for lunch. Make it nice with romantic music playing in the car. Use a table cloth and real dishes and silverware. When you arrive to take your spouse to lunch let them be surprised at the thought you put into setting up such a thoughtful lunch.
  26. Be in the habit of always planning a surprise for your spouse using something from this list or any other ideas. Check out our Only Husbands and Only Wives section on The Romantic Vineyard for current ideas.
  27. Place one chocolate or favorite candy on their pillow. Or try an ounce of brandy.
  28. Roast marshmallows on an outdoor fire.
  29. If possible, go to a drive-in movie and don’t watch it. Make your own storyline inside the steamy windows!
  30. Finger paint together with your hands overlapping. Make it more fun by using chocolate pudding.
  31. See how long you can kiss. Set a timer for 7 minutes and see if you can make out that long. Practice makes perfect
  32. Eat an entire meal using only your hands. Better yet, feed your spouse and let them feed you.
  33. Give your spouse a real foot massage. Invest in some foot salts and lotion.
  34. When your spouse is troubled and you don’t know what to do to help–hold them close and pray earnestly for them, lifting their burden before the Lord for them.
  35. Read a book you know your spouse has read and enjoyed so you can discuss it with them.
  36. Have a growing list of great questions to facilitate good conversation. Check out our iPhone app that features over a hundred questions to use on the go.

What ideas could you add to this Reference Guide? Let’s purpose to do all we can to express our love in romantic ways in order to continue building our love and friendship as the years pass. What a privilege God has given us!

Posted by Debi Walter–The Romantic Vineyard.

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About the author 

Debi Walter

Tom and Debi Walter have been cultivating their romantic vineyard for most of their 36 years of marriage. It has been their conviction from the start. Now they are passionate about helping other couples discover the rich harvest of romance available to them no matter the current season. Through their marriage blog, The Romantic Vineyard established in 2008, they provide regular posts about growing your marriage for God's glory.

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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