Are You a Marriage Builder?

I think on of the main problems with the local church and the absence of young, married couples that don’t have kids is that most worship gatherings and ministries are built with families in mind. I’ve seen this happen because I was heavily involved with a church for 5 years and I don’t remember seeing a single young, married couple that didn’t have children yet.

Since my wife and I have moved to a new church, and are getting ready to apply for membership, I’ve noticed something that has helped.

1. The Gospel is the center of all their teaching, not family. While family is an amazing and wonderful thing, it’s almost worshiped by many church elders.

Churches need to make a concerted effort to have good solid teaching specifically for married couples. Teaching that doesn’t focus on children. In a family, children aren’t supposed to come first, the marriage is. Without the marriage being strengthened by those involved and by church family and family-family, the children suffer because they don’t have good examples.
.-= Dan | Becoming A Husband´s last blog ..When She’s In Pain =-.

Sorry, I meant to say Dan!
.-= Lori Lowe´s last blog ..How Should Churches Support Marriages & Families? =-.

Lori –

Another informative read!! Love it. I had not heard that stat about 75% of newly married couples leaving the church until the birth of their first child. The stat you hear tossed around is that so many teens and young adults are leaving the church…etc. But that makes total sense.

Great research and information. We have to be marriage builders in our communities!!

Ps – Dustin, Love your blog man. 🙂
.-= stu@themarryblogger´s last blog ..The Silent Treatment Can be Good for My Marriage! =-.

we are starting a program in our diocese for young married couples where 3 or 4 couples meet up for dinner once a month for some fellowship, and prayer (and guitar hero). We had the first one at our place last weekend, and it was a great night, and i hope it continues, and that we can develop more groups at a parish level.

I think alot of couples come back to church when its time to baptise their children, and they don’t feel that there is anything for them until then.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..The Guild Comic Preview =-.

[…] Read my guest post at Engaged Marriage: Are You a Marriage Builder? […]

We are committed to helping young couples grow in their relationship within the local church. Our church provides premarital counseling (6 sessions in all) that takes them through every aspect of married life: finances, child-rearing, intimacy, goals, etc…and helps them discover areas where they either agree or disagree. This enables them to talk through these all-important issues before it’s too late.

This is also what led us to start The Romantic Vineyard. Sadly, many couples stop dating each other once the honeymoon is over. In our relationship (31 years TODAY – Woo-hoo!) we have never stopped dating. I am looking forward to my husband “picking me up at 5p for dinner” tonight. The thrill is still there, and we are jealous to see other couples experience this type of relationship too. It is only possible by the grace of God!

Thanks for providing this excellent, informative post. Love it!
.-= Tom and Debi Walter – TheRomanticVineyard´s last blog ..Project 52: Alphabet Memories =-.

Yep, definitely a passionate marriage builder here! My darling wife of 27 years and I have counseled some young couples and we both feel strongly that there aren’t enough good resources for young marrieds (or old marrieds either for that matter). Those first few years are such important and formative years. I believe with Tom and Debi that it is possible to have a marriage that gets stronger and more passionate with time. I know it’s possible because we are living it.

I’m new to the marriage blogosphere and appreciate this and so many other great blogs I now follow avidly, including Lori’s.
.-= Scott´s last blog ..The Audacity of the Bridal Paradigm – Part 4 – The Message Behind the Question =-.

Garcia says a whopping 75% of just-marrieds leave the church until they are expecting their first child.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of doubt most people that this statistic is describing are in the church until they marry and then just opt out until they have a child. I think a large part of the solution is reaching out BEFORE marriage, keeping people involved and plugged into their churches as they transition from adolescent member of a family to starting their own families. Many seem to get lost between those two points, perhaps touch down in church for the wedding ceremony, and don’t really latch on again until they have children. I agree with the other suggestions, however I think part of the solution to supporting marriage and family is supporting those who are not yet married. Coming into marriage with a strong relationship with God, a strong faith, and a place in a church is a great start as I’m sure you will agree!

My recent college experience of watching peers drop away from their faith in a secular environment with minimal spiritual support definitely shapes my opinion. Some may not come back, many will not until they have children and start to put down roots.

We look forward to being marriage builders! We’re currently building our own, but we did start our blog so we could share our insight because we found a lot of people were coming to us for advice.

Project M has been discussing arguments for and against early marriage and I think the lack of community/culture to support young married couples is a significant setback. I like the comment about getting couples together to enjoy evenings and I’d love to see organizations that assign marriage mentors within one’s religion/social group.
.-= Newlywed & Unemployed´s last blog ..What do You Bring to the Table? =-.