5 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking – Engaged Marriage

5 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking

By Dustin | Communication

Nonverbal Communication and MarriageNonverbal communication is an important part of how human beings relate to one another.

The important thing to remember is that the unconscious mind is powerful, and it can pick up on many different things about another person even if they are not obvious.

For instance, body language is a perfect example of nonverbal communication.

A person’s posture tells people a lot about how that person thinks about himself.

Within a marriage relationship, nonverbal communication is even more important. It has been estimated that over ninety percent of the effectiveness of communication is facilitated by nonverbal cues.

Obviously, it’s important to understand how improving nonverbal communication can improve your marriage relationship!

Five Ways to Improve Your Marriage Through Nonverbal Communication

Give these five tips a try in the daily interaction with your spouse and see what a difference you can make without saying a word:

1. Make sure you always express affection.

Nonverbal communication involves things such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body language and other visual and emotional cues.

If you never express affection in a physical, non-sexual way, your partner will probably start unconsciously or consciously thinking that you do not love them. So, on a daily basis, express your affection by holding their hand, rubbing their shoulders, or simply holding them in your arms.

2. Pay attention to your spouse’s mood.

One of the hardest things that marriage calls upon a couple to do is step outside of themselves and really pay attention to their partner. Nonverbally, we give out a lot of cues about our mood.

For instance, frowning, silence, sitting cross-legged or not making eye contact are clues that our spouse is in a bad mood, while smiling, being open and free in conversation, and looking into your eyes are signs that they are in a good mood. Paying attention to these cues is a great way to improve communication.

3. Use positive language when expressing disagreement.

Nonverbal communication actually plays a role during verbal communication. For instance, when trying to express yourself to your partner, often it is the words that are left unsaid that mean much more than the words that are said.

Using negative language like “Yes, but,” or even “Whatever” in response to a question or a sentence can be problematic. Using positive language like “Yes, and” is better because it avoids any negative reaction from your partner. The tone and attitude of a person is not always verbalized, but it is implied in their voice and words.

4. Do their chores for them.

If you and your spouse divide up the chores between yourselves, a great way to express nonverbal affection is to do their chores for them sometimes.

This demonstrates concern as well as affection, and it can be a very pleasant surprise for them to discover you have taken care of some of their work for them.

5. Make small personal gifts and leave them where they can be found.

This can include love notes, flowers, cards, etc. They can be left anywhere, from the bathroom to the kitchen to the bedroom. These represent personal ways of showing affection that make the marriage stronger.

What forms of nonverbal communication have you found most effective in your own marriage?

(photo source)

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About the Author

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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(12) comments

I’ll be first!

I think these are great ideas. I especially like the idea of leaving surprise gifts in places where your spouse can find them. My wife has expressed to me over and over again that the #1 way she knows I love her is when she knows I am thinking about her when I am not with her. Writing notes, or making other small gifts is a great way to do this.

Reply
    Dustin

    Thanks, Eric! Have you read the Five Love Languages? It sounds like your wife’s primary language should be pretty easy to identify. 😉

    Reply

      Yes, I have read The Five Love Languages, as well as the Five Love Languages for Men. She is an easy one to pinpoint and she knows it! she always lets me know when her “love tank” is running a bit low.

      Reply

Great post on ways to show love rather than speak love!

I like to couple my obsessive-compulsive tendencies with some housework to show love to my wife. I regularly do the dishes in our house – especially after she’s made dinner. This goes a LONG way for my wife because she has a knack for using just about every kitchen utensil we have to make dinner (even making a sanwich, it seems). So there’s always a lot to clean up, and that she doesn’t have to fret over it makes her smile and makes me happy.

It’s definitely a romance builder – that’s for sure! Good men wash dishes (and do laundry).

Reply
    Dustin

    Thanks Derek, but I’m not letting my wife read this comment. 🙂

    I actually let her sleep in this morning while I watched the kids, and I can certainly feel the love from this little act of service. And I didn’t even get dish pan hands!

    Reply
David Jones

These are some great ideas for ways to express love to your spouse. Anyone can say “I love you,” and not really mean it. But you won’t often find someone who will perform actions of love such as these, and not be sincere.

I really like the one about doing chores for the other person. It is all about putting the other person first and serving them. If both spouses put the other first, then neither will feel as though they are the only one making sacrifices.

Great article!

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5 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking | Best Relationships

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I agree David. I try to do little chores for my wife daily. She love the bed made everyday so I try to make it for her at least half the time during a week. She does laundry daily ( a little obsessive ) and I try to move the clothes to the dryer and fold the ones she has dried.

If more guys would do little things along with a gift occasionally then they might be surprised what might follow.

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Body Language Communication

[…] Nonverbal communication takes into account such things as body language gestures, good eye contact, facial expressions, body language, radiates emotions and visual clues. If you fail to express how much you care for someone in non-sexual or sexual manner your partner or date will begin to think consciously or subconsciously that you have no feelings for them. “So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues.” […]

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10 simple steps to save your marriage | Essence of Marriage Magazine

[…] Pay attention to your spouse’s mood […]

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Sh.T

Quick notes:
1. Thanks for this great stuff
2. My wife NEVER looks in the eyes. That’s the way she is.
3. She doesn’t like physical expression of affection, just verbal, and even when I say good soft words she accepts them reluctantly (I love you. -Thanks. You’re very pretty. -No I’m not. You’re a kind, loving woman. -Yeah right)

Got here searching for ways to better understand her. Just saying not everyone fit the pattern.

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Making marriage strong is very important for happy marriage life. I think that good body language and soft communication with your partner are key elements for making the strong marriage life.

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