10 Ways to Stop a Relationship from Withering – Engaged Marriage

10 Ways to Stop a Relationship from Withering

By Dustin | Communication

Making your relationship last is the goal of every couple. However, since couples are individuals with different needs and values, this goal may prove to be a real challenge.

To be able to stop a relationship from withering, it is important to really be proactive and do everything you can to make your connection strong.

Keep the tips below in mind next time you start to feel your relationship drying up a bit.

10 Tips to Keep Your Relationship Strong

1. Communication. Quality communication is the lifeblood of every relationship. Discuss your feelings rather than the events. Intimacy is built by emotions, not by being objective.

It is important to keep an open line of communication. Always be honest to your partner. Tell your partner the dreams and fears you harbor as well as share your triumphs and failures. Open up about the people you feel attracted to and possible temptations at work. This will help keep you from acting on them.

2. Compromise. You cannot have what you want 100 percent of the time. A relationship requires that you meet each other halfway. When conflicts arise, you need to come up with a solution that satisfies you both. If you insist on doing things your way, your partner may develop ill feelings toward you.

3. Care. Of course, expressing your love is vital. Showing your man or woman how much you care through your actions is the ultimate expression of love. Cooking his or her favorite meal or buying gifts which you know she or he will love – these are all expressions of love.

4. Challenge each other. Total acceptance is a myth. The ultimate purpose of every person is to grow. If you care for the person, then it is good to make some reasonable demands. For instance, if your husband sits in front of the tv all day, it is your obligation to challenge him to be more productive.

5. Avoid parasitism. The couple cannot morph into one person. After you marry or commit yourself to each other, that does not mean that you have to share every like, dislike, interest, activity and viewpoint. The reason why a person falls in love with you to begin with is your uniqueness. Do not lose your identity.

6. Independence. Do not devote your life to your partner. Total unselfish devotion can be very boring. Your partner does not need a housekeeper or a driver but someone who can stimulate and challenge him or her.

7. Create a rewarding life for yourself. It is important to cultivate a life of your own. When your partner can smell that you do not rely on him or her, they will treat you with respect. Have objectives and work towards them. If your partner cheats, better lose the man than lose your sanity.

8. Do not make the kids the center of your universe. Your and your partner’s life need not revolve around the kids alone. Make sure that your wife or husband does not feel alienated or less important.

9. Alone time. Find time for just the two of you. This will give you necessary respite from the kids, work and friends.

10. Make friends with happy couples who do not cheat. The friends you have will determine, to a huge extent, the kind of person you are. Having positive role models will keep you on the right track.

Note from Dustin: I think most of the points made here by Kelly are spot on, but I have a feeling some of these statements may strike a nerve with you.  I look forward to hearing your thoughts in the comments!

This article was written by Kelly Austin from HigherSalary.com. Visit her site for information about the average administrative assistant salary and pay information for other popular careers.

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About the Author

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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(4) comments

HopeF

I don’t agree with #6. Unselfish devotion is a wonderful quality for one spouse to have with the other. Total devotion would be bad if it ended up effectively making the spouse an idol, but otherwise husbands are commanded to “love her as you do your own body”, which in God’s case meant devotion to the point of death.

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jayme

The hardest one for me is communication. Not in general, but when it comes to sharing the little things that bother me. I tend to think I should just suck it up and get over it. But, I’ve come to realize that there’s a time to just accept who my husband is (he’s just always gonna be the guy who wants to 15 minutes early) and there’s a time to tell him when something bothers me (like when he joined others in laughing at me – even when I know he didn’t mean it mean-spiritedly). And I need to tell him when it’s small and not when it’s taken on a life on it’s own.

Not sure how much I agree with the part about telling him if I’m attracted to a guy at work. I certainly don’t want to know about every woman he saw that day who he found attractive! Eek! I guess I’d need to know if it went to an unhealthy level….but “hey, she’s cute” isn’t something I really wanna know. Nor need to know. Maybe it helps that we have a rule that he can’t spend one-on-one time with another unrelated woman without a reason. Can’t really go anywhere if he doesn’t spend time with her!

Re: time for one another. Great advice and it’s super important. Maybe people call them “dates”. I don’t really…maybe cause we’re newly married with no kids. It’s just that I’ve learned that if I don’t have an extended period of time with him about twice a week, I start to feel disconnected. So, it’s not a “date”, but I have to spend extended time with him!

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Overall, good post. #10 is really important. If you surround yourself with good people who share your same values, it will reduce problems. If one of you spends time with your single friend going out to bars all the time, you’re asking for trouble. Not sure about #7. Many marriages have rebounded from infidelity. It always bothers me when someone seems to frivously throw around divorce (“better to lose the man…”)

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I agree #10 has been very important for our marriage. We have really tried to make new couple friends that share our same interests and values in marriage. It can make bring your marriage down when your friends are all talking about how mad their marriage is or how much they don’t like their spouse. I also think communication is an important skill to build together. One of the things I’ve found is that our communication as a couple improves when I work on my communication with myself. What I say to myself about my partner and his behavior/intentions really influences how I communicate with him.

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