Want an Exceptional Marriage? Stop Living in the Valleys!

Want an Exceptional Marriage? Stop Living in the Valleys!

By Dustin | Individual Fulfillment

Avoid Valley LivingClimbing a mountain is hard.  It requires an incredible degree of dedication and unyielding determination.  There is rarely a sense of relief or a time for relaxation.  Instead, there is simply more mountain, steeper slopes and further challenge.

In his incredible book about a disastrous expedition on Mt. Everest, Into Thin Air, Jon Krakauer describes the almost unfathomable challenges faced by his climbing party.  There is the expected peril with inexperienced climbers falling off of cliffs and unfortunate circumstances where groups get caught in unexpected blizzards near the summit.  However, the message that sticks with me from this and other books documenting mountain climbing adventures is the tragedy that so often results from a climber who hasn’t committed fully to the mission.

Apparently, when conditions turn extreme, inexperienced adventurers notoriously turn toward complacency and seek a sense of comfort.  Feeling that they have already come so far and doubting their ability to finish the climb in harsh conditions, a climber may seek rest and relief.  Unfortunately, the decision to rest in a valley rather than pushing ahead up the mountain is too often the on-doing of less experienced climbers.  Once they get comfortable, it seems they can no longer muster the motivation to get out of the valley.

But I Don’t Climb Mountains

Of course, this blog is not about mountain climbing, and my experience in extreme adventures is limited to book form (at least so far).  So, how does this concept apply to those of us living near sea level?

I first heard the term “Valley Living” as part of a marriage retreat we attended a few months ago.  And I immediately thought back to the accounts of mountain climbing that I had read and saw definite parallels.[quote]

Valley Living refers to our tendency to find a comfort zone and “live there” rather than expend the effort to pursue excellence.  We ALL find ourselves chilling out in the valleys of life from time-to-time, and that’s to be expected.

It’s unrealistic to be climbing ALL of the proverbial mountains of everyday life at ALL times.  But, we should always be striving for excellence by focusing on improving at least one area of our lives.  This keeps us moving forward and prevents us from withering up inside of our comfort zone.

Where Are the Valleys that You Hang Out?

In what areas of your life do you tend to take it easy and hang out in your comfort zone?  The laziness of valley living can show up in any aspect of everyday living: health, finances, parenting, career, communication, romance, and spirituality to name a few.  For me, I have let my health and fitness slip considerably over the past few months, and my romantic efforts could use a jump start.

The implications of living in a valley in any area can be profound when it comes to our marriages.  When I let my fitness slide, I have less energy and less self-esteem.  This affects my family life and my relationship with my wife.  On the flip side, when I am going “all-in” in my pursuit of health and I feel great about myself, my energy levels are through the roof and I am simply a sexier guy to live with.  The same can be said of any area of life: they all effect your spouse and your marriage, for better or worse.

So, what areas of life have you allowed to slip into sluggishness?  Isn’t it time that you pulled yourself out of the comforts of mediocrity and focused on climbing to new heights? 

Isn’t it time for you to be passionate about your marriage and do something about it?

Your Jump Start is Waiting for You!

I hope you can see the real value in getting fired up and improving your life.  So, what if you have motivation right now as you read this, but you are afraid it will be fleeting and you won’t actually get started?  Are you too comfortable?  Get out of the valley!  Now!

I have great news.  We are only days away from the start of a little challenge that will get you climbing again and keep you there alongside lots of like-minded folks.  We are building a community of individuals who are ready to improve an aspect of their life with focused intensity for a period of 8 weeks.  We will be accountable to each other and feed off of our collective successes.  And, as an extra incentive, we will have great prizes (details coming in just a couple of days) to give away each week and a champion to cyber-crown at the end of our contest.

Go right now to “Announcing Improve Yourself! 2010” and sign up to be part of the movement.

Do it for yourself.  Do it for your spouse.  Do it for your marriage!

Photo by Jeff Pang
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About the Author

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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(6) comments

Interested to see where this goes… Merry Christmas.
.-= Doctor Stock´s last blog ..And The Winner Is… =-.

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Oh Dustin this is inspiring. As the new year approaches this week, I’ve been reviewing this very issue and want to breathe new life into Affaircare and into the intimacy (on all levels) in my own marriage. After all, gotta practice what we preach hey? 😀 It’s so easy to get into a comfortable rut rather than making the effort to extend ourselves and go just bit beyond out of our “comfort zone.”

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    I totally agree, Cindy. I do sometimes find myself writing about things that should be done in marriage at the expense of spending time doing them myself…fortunately, my wife is quick to call me out on it!

    Reply

It’s so easy to fall into a valley in all areas of my life. It’s my goal for 2010 to bring myself back to life and out of my comfort zone
.-= Louise´s last blog ..NYR – Lose Weight this New Year with The Biggest Loser DVD’s #giveaway =-.

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    I love your attitude, Louise. I’m looking forward to working alongside you in the Improve Yourself! challenge!

    Reply

[…] For those that are married, here is some good marriage advice from Engaged Marriage […]

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