Valentine’s Day – Do you have plans? Or do you plan NOT to plan?
Sadly, I’ve heard many couples who have chosen to ignore this day because they don’t like the commercialism behind it all – Hallmark, 1800Flowers, Ghiradelli Chocolate, etc.
Honestly? I don’t like that part either. But ignoring this date on the calendar is like ignoring Christmas because you don’t like how others have commercialized or paganized (I made that word up) it.
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But there’s a better way!
Tom and I were married 10 days after Valentine’s Day on February 24th. This year marks our 35th wedding anniversary AND we’ve celebrated both days in February from the very beginning.
The deal has always been – I romance him on V.D., and he romances me on our anniversary. It’s been a fun tradition and gives us both something to look forward to in surprising the other.
Some Valentine’s Day guidelines to consider:
- We never go out to dinner. There is nothing less romantic than sharing a nice cozy restaurant with hundreds of other couples.
- I go all out to bless Tom in unexpected ways.
- He is not allowed to come home until the time I set. He must take his change of clothes to work with him and shower and change at the gym or at a friend’s house.
- I would fix a nice dinner sometimes picking a theme for the evening. Other times fixing his favorites.
For some reason, I’ve heard many wives say they expect their husbands to do all the work on this day. I believe that’s because they’ve bought the commercialized version of the holiday.
What’s wrong with women taking this day to love on their man? It takes the pressure off of him and let’s him enjoy being romanced by me for a change. AND, I get to do something to make the holiday a memorable one.
I don’t enjoy the day any less because I’m the one doing the planning. In fact, I think I’ve enjoyed Valentines Day all the more because of the anticipation of blessing Tom.
Don’t let these excuses hold you back:
- Excuse #1 – We can’t afford a babysitter.
Well, neither could we. I remember years when we had no extra money for a babysitter, so I planned to have the kids spend the night with my parents OR I got them ready for bed early and let them watch a movie OR I put them to bed and planned the evening to start a little later.
One year our older children served our dinner to us. They grew up watching us celebrate this day, and they came to expect it.
- Excuse #2 – I don’t know what to do.
I realize there are many women who lack ideas when it comes to romance at home. This is one of the reasons we started The Romantic Vineyard 5 years ago – to provide ideas for you to try.
We have an Only Wives page and an Only Husbands page where we provide romantic ideas for all the holidays to help you surprise and bless your spouse.
- Excuse #3 – I’m too tired.
I understand this one all too well. Especially if you have a house full of little people.
But may I encourage you to give this a try? Pray and ask God to give you the energy you need to romance your husband this year. And don’t let him know what you’re doing until you mail or e-mail him an invitation to “your place” for dinner on February 14th.
The excitement and anticipation will most likely boost your energy, at least it has for me. You never know what it’s like until you try it. Hey, it sounds like I’m trying to convince you to eat your vegetables, doesn’t it? 🙂
Romance is more like the icing on the cake, than it is like brussel sprouts, aren’t you glad?
- Excuse #4 – My husband will think it’s silly.
I understand, if romance hasn’t been practiced in your marriage for years, how this could be a temptation. But you never know until you try.
If you’ve studied your spouse well, you know what would bless him for Valentines Day. Make this an evening where you highlight all his favorites. Additional reading: Valentine’s Day–Hype Or Help?
I’m not one to encourage you to do something, and leave you on your own to figure out how. I’ve provided lots of ideas on our blog, The Romantic Vineyard. Simply scroll down to our search box and type in Valentine’s Day.
May this year be one where your marriage grows stronger and your love more intimate, one romantic act of love at a time.
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Debi,
I love you approach! You are right that romance tends to be the responsibility of the man in a relationship. I think it’s wonderful that you have embraced romance as well. The world doesn’t have enough romance. Romance is a wonderful thing whether you are on the giving or receiving end.
I too prefer the less commercial approach to Valentine’s day. That doesn’t mean that I don’t skimp on the chocolate and roses. After all, they are known aphrodisiacs. Lately though, I have been making my own Valentine’s day card. A simple heartfelt personalized I love you goes a long way. Yes, my cards do look like a third grader decorated them with glitter, but I don’t care. It’s the message that matters.
I really like your approach to the celebration. A home cooked meal with a theme or some special remembrance is wonderful. Last year I re-created the first meal I cooked for my wife when we were dating. She came home for lunch and I surprised her with a tortellini salad with marinated mushrooms and artichokes drizzled with basil oil. We had the most romantic lunch ever!.
Rick,
Thank you for your excellent and encouraging comment. I’m glad you’ve found our traditions helpful to your own marriage. And I absolutely love the idea of re-creating the meal you cooked for her when you were dating–very romantic! 🙂
Blessings,
Debi
This is how I feel about Valentine’s—I absolutely loathe, hate, and despise it and have since childhood (being ugly and ignored or worse on V-day in school), so have decided to make it wonderful by doing things for my husband. I try to make his favourite foods and do other little things for him, and we spend the night not working but simply enjoying each other’s company. It seems to me like a great way to turn an otherwise dreaded day around!
Jen,
I understand why you feel the way you do. But being happily married there’s no reason why your memories of this holiday shouldn’t be reformed. It’s all about doing for your spouse what you know he will love. I’m so glad you’re on the road to making such romantic memories to cherish.
Blessings,
Debi
I just love this – thank you! What a meaningful February you guys have in your family. I think I’ll invite my husband to my place and romance him this Valentine’s – thank you for the ideas and links. 🙂
Nicole,
I’m so glad you’re inspired to make this Valentine’s Day more romantic for your husband. It has become my favorite holiday (next to Christmas). I pray it will be for you too.
God bless you,
Debi