I love the scene in Toy Story when Mr. Potato Head puts on his angry eyes.
Or when Mrs. Potato Head takes out her ears and says, “I can’t hear you!”
Those are classic scenes that make us laugh. Wouldn’t it be nice at times if we could hand-pick the eyes we want to express the emotion of our choice? We probably do this already, but not consciously.
This is why romance is vital to a healthy marriage. It helps us put on different eyes to see our spouse the way we did when our love first began.
Back then My Eyes Adored You, to use the title of a popular love song.
Do you still adore your spouse?
Or have the cares of life and the responsibilities of parenthood and careers robbed your vision?
Below are some ways to help you regain those romantic eyes. Try one or try them all. See if it doesn’t spark some fresh affection.
1. Watch your wife as she takes a shower. Remember what it was like when you saw her naked for the first time.
2. When your husband reaches for your hand, think of all his hands do to lead, guide, love and protect you. And consider how hard he works to provide for you and your children.
3. When in a crowded room, look for your spouse and make eye-contact. Let the look linger and enjoy it.
4. Try looking in each others eyes for one minute without saying anything. Let your eyes express your affection.
5. Listen while looking at your spouse when they’re talking to someone else. Give thanks for the ways they express themselves and their ability to cultivate friendships at work, church and in the community.
6. Watch your spouse play and interact with your children. Step back and appreciate the sacrifices they’re willing to make in order to raise healthy and happy children.
7. If your spouse is strong in a certain area take time to observe them doing what they do best–whether it’s serving, entertaining, counseling or evangelizing.
8. Watch your spouse as they sleep. Appreciate the blessing it is to share a bed together, to know the rhythms of rest, and the patterns that make them unique.
9. Watch your spouse do something they love to do, whether it’s yard work, playing an instrument, watching or playing their favorite sport, joking with friends, and pay attention to their expressions as they do it.
10. Observe your spouse doing a mundane task like clean the kitchen, shave or make coffee. Notice how they do it and how different they are from you. Rather than let this be an annoyance, be grateful for how your lives have intertwined in such unique ways.
After you’ve spent some time observing your spouse with fresh eyes, plan some time and share with them what you’ve noticed. You can go all out and make it a date night, or talk around your kitchen table after the kids are in bed. The key is to communicate clearly to your spouse how you see them. If you’re uncomfortable talking about it, try writing out your sentiments in a card or love letter.
We all get distracted.
And when we do romance is usually the first thing to get pushed aside.
I hope you won’t let your love wane, but will instead be intentional all the years you have together. Then, when the end of your life comes there will be no regrets, only precious snapshots of a love that lasted a lifetime.
Tom and Debi Walter have been cultivating their romantic vineyard for most of their 36 years of marriage. It has been their conviction from the start. Now they are passionate about helping other couples discover the rich harvest of romance available to them no matter the current season. Through their marriage blog, The Romantic Vineyard established in 2008, they provide regular posts about growing your marriage for God's glory.