Roles in Marriage

Whether we admit it or not, we all wear several hats in our lives.

It doesn’t mean we’re fake or a “poser,” it’s just that different situations call for different versions of us.

There’s the hat we wear at work when we’re taking care to contribute our ideas and relay our professionalism and the hat that we put on when we are spending time with friends and letting loose.

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There are also the times when we are empathetic and vulnerable.

The reason we wear these different hats is so we can adjust to our environment and the people that we surround ourselves with.

Human beings innately want to have relationships and get along with and be accepted by other human beings.

Think about it.  What’s the worst punishment for prisoners?  What can be even worse then being in prison? Solitary confinement!

Being alone is the punishment for people who are already being punished…and it sucks!  Be sure not to be alone in your marriage by identifying and getting comfortable with the different roles you play in your husband’s life.

The Top Five “Roles” in Marriage

Below are the top five roles that are predominant in every marriage.  As you read them, think about what beliefs and behaviors could win you an Oscar in the “Movie of your Marriage.”

1. The Business Partner- I’m sure you’ve heard that a Marriage is like a business. This idea is notorious for creeping into some married couples bedrooms because it can sometimes bring monotony or a planned or scheduled feeling to the marriage.

The good news is that you can choose to be a Fortune 500 wife and use creativity and enthusiasm to get the job done, as opposed to being a hobby business that eventually gets boring and redundant.

2. The Muse- This is the role where you get to be the inspiration that drives your husband to be all that he can be.

Some important things you can do as a good Muse are accentuate his positive attributes by complimenting him frequently, be his cheerleader even he gets thrown off his game and, most importantly, get into his world by showing interest in his passions.

3. The Lover- I LOVE the lover! After being married for 2 or 20 years, the role of the lover takes a choice to make it great!

For this role, it’s worth investing in books, classes, games, teleseminars or anything else that teaches you new skills and tricks to keep your partner on his toes.

4. The Mother of His Children– Being the mother of a man’s child is one of the best gifts you can give your husband. Now he has two reasons to look out for you and protect you.

One because he loves you so much his head is in the clouds around you and two you need to be there for his children to be the best mom they could ever have.

5. The Voyeur– Sometimes you will need to sit back and watch what happens in your husband’s life and not say a word. The beauty of being in a healthy relationship is giving one another the space to be your own individual and make your own mistakes.

It can be difficult because sometimes we think we know better and can save them from their not-so-great choices, but just being there when things don’t turn out the way he thought can bring you closer than if you start to take on the part of mommy… which is a role you NEVER want to play in the adventure of marriage.

Remember, you can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be the best you to your honey!

What different “roles” do you play in your marriage?  Are there roles that you wish your spouse (or fiance) would play a bit better? 🙂

Photo by smoorenburg


Cory Honickman is Los Angeles’s top Marriage Educator and the creative visionary behind “Reinventing Marriage, Commitment For Modern Emotionally Intelligent Couples”. Cory has coached and consulted to countless singles and couples that now declare that they’ll never have an unsupervised relationship again!

Through interactive multi media programs and systems, private intensives and platinum membership communities, couples can customize their marriage in a way that brings out the best in both of them and empowers them to make smart decisions. When couples want their personalized happily ever after, they call Cory Honickman, whose mission is to decrease the staggering divorce rates that exist worldwide. For more information, go to or call 888-378-5675.


About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  3. I love the last role of voyeur. Many wives are stuck there and can’t seem to realize that the way out is to keep quiet. Excellent advice.
    .-= Fruitfulvine2´s last blog ..Tips for Wives – Laugh More =-.

  4. Thank you for putting words to these roles, Cory!

    I love being the Muse. I love being my fiance’s cheerleader. 🙂 Love, love, love.

  5. I have to admit, that I am not a very good muse to my husband. I gues I feel awful at times for calling him “chubby”. For some reason, I felt like if I made fun of him for eating all that junk and the amount he eats at one time…that maybe it would it help him try to be healthy. NOPE I was wrong. He still eats like he always does. I do have to work on being a better muse to my husband.

    On the other hand, being the mother of his child, doesn’t seem to be that great to him. I don’t feel like he thinks of me like it’s said in the ubove description. Being a dad for him as I see it, is work for him. Don’t get me wrong, he plays very well with our 5 month old, but when he cries or needs to be entertained when my husband wants to play video games, or has something he wants to watch on tv…then all heck breaks loose and he turns into the incredible hulk…minus the green skin. When this happens, I can’t even look at him the same. I get this built up anger, that’s really hard to shake…and don’t even get me started about intimacy.

    If we could follow these key points…it would be a great relationship! ( and if he stopped playing xbox)

    1. Thank you for sharing these issues, Krissy. Have these problems surfaced since your baby was born, or were they always there and are now just amplified?

      I am not a professional counselor, but I would sincerely suggest you guys hire a sitter and go spend some time talking to a counselor. It sounds like you both have some pretty serious communication problems and even some anger/resentment. These types of issues don’t go away on their own, and as you’ve probably noticed, they only get worse with more stress (like the addition of a baby). Please give this some serious consideration.

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  7. This is a great post. The roles are so true.

    The voyeur especially was interesting. Sometimes we can inadvertently help too much particularly in times of transition. The advice I like best is to be quiet and say you trust him to work it out (even when that requires so much prayer to follow through and believe that!)
    .-= Cathy J´s last blog ..Guy Magnet: Step 4 Have a Clear Vision Then Take Action Daily =-.

    1. Thanks for the great comment, Cathy! I agree that I found the voyeur role most intriguing in this list. I thought Cori did a great job putting words behind a role we often fail to notice.

  8. Hey Cory, nice list for the girls, but could you please put together a list to help the fellows win an Oscar!

    It’s a credit to you and Dustin working in such a positive way to promote healthy marriages, and in the finish, happy families!

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  10. Thanks for this amazing article 🙂 I can identify with all of them, but I LOVE the Muse. My husband has always wanted to be a pilot, and even before we were dating I tapped into that and realized it was his greatest passion. I’m really glad I did! Now he is training to be a pilot and he is amazing! I’m so proud of him. I hear of women who don’t “get” why their husband is into a certain thing, but if you can tap into that, your husband will be so grateful! Sometimes it requires a sacrifice like money or time, but it is so worth it:)
    .-= Esther @Add a Spoonful of Sugar´s last blog ..Success Story:My 1st ever Ultimate Blog Party! =-.

    1. You are so cool, Esther! Seriously, thank for the awesome comment and insights.

      And you are in the running for the giveaway, too! 🙂

  11. Could you please enter me in the giveaway too? Thanks 🙂
    .-= Esther @Add a Spoonful of Sugar´s last blog ..Success Story:My 1st ever Ultimate Blog Party! =-.

  12. Please enter me in the giveaway! This was another great post and I have a few new things to consider in my approach to my marriage.

  13. Congratulations to Esther @ Add a Spoonful of Sugar who won the free marriage prep coaching call with Cori! Thank you to everyone who entered and to all of you for your continued support. 🙂

  14. Cory has graciously agreed to giveaway another phone session with an engaged couple (our original winner is already married but she’ll be getting a free session as well). I’ll be contacting our second winner…Tara!

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