I have a pet peeve when it comes to cultivating romance at home, and it’s something you may or may not have thought about before. It has to do with the state of your space–namely the master bedroom.
I encourage you to stop reading for a minute and go to your bedroom and take a quick look around. Don’t touch anything, just take a look at what your room looks like right now. Then return to the computer. Now, answer these questions, honestly:
- Is your bed made?
- Are there more children’s toys in your room than anything else?
- Are there piles of clutter in any (or all) of the corners?
- Is dirty or clean laundry visible at a glance?
- Does your room look like a grown-up place that’s warm and inviting or more like a college dorm room?
- Are there unfinished projects lying around the room i.e. scrapbooking, bills, crafts, broken things needing to be fixed?
These are hard questions to answer when you’ve been caught off-guard. But they’re very important in determining the romantic element of your marriage.
Who wants to push toys out of the way in order to be romantic? And who wants to have pictures of your family and friends staring at you from framed photos on the shelf?
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A few years ago we had a series on The Romantic Vineyard called S.I.Z.Z.L.E. Your Space. It was very popular and many couples admitted that their bedroom was more like a storage room than a place of quiet retreat. I want to encourage you before the summer is over to reclaim your bedroom for the sake of your marriage. It’s not that difficult and once you get started I have a feeling you’re going to like what you see. Are you ready?
First, you need to set aside time everyday to do the following assignments. It shouldn’t take you more than a week to do it well. Maybe less if you’re truly motivated. Next, set a reward for finishing the goal. It could be a date night to your favorite restaurant, or a romantic rendezvous in your “new place”. You choose, or let your spouse choose. There are so many options you can do to make this more like a game than work. After all, you are the one who will directly benefit from the results of this project.
Here are the daily assignments that spell out the word SIZZLE.
Day One: S = Sexy or Sloppy?
Walk into your room and look at it as if you had never seen it before. What does your room say about the importance of romance to you? Does it look cluttered and thrown together? Does it speak of all the other things in your life – work, children, and/or unfinished projects? If so, take one hour today and remove all these things. Your room should be your haven – the one place you can go to retreat together as husband and wife. Retreating is hard to do when you’ve invited the world into your space.
The goal is to keep only those things that help you celebrate your love. Anything that draws your attention elsewhere should be kept in another part of the house or a closet.
One more thing we are going to challenge you to do every morning this week –make your bed. It will help your room look better immediately, and it will also motivate you to complete the day’s assignment.
Day Two: I = Inclusive
Is your space Inclusive? In other words, have you considered what is important to your spouse when it comes to relaxing and retreating?
We have talked to couples who argue quite a bit about how to decorate the home. One prefers one way and the other prefers something different. How can two come together and create a space that includes the likes of both? It may seem like a difficult task, but it doesn’t have to be. Most likely you know what your spouse likes. Try to incorporate some of their tastes into the space. If they like modern and you like traditional, look for something special they would find appealing. Our bedrooms don’t have to look like the cover of a designer’s magazine. Our bedroom is only for US! Whatever works for you to help you both relax is fine; in fact it’s perfect!
If you’re on a tight budget it pays to go to garage sales and thrift stores to find that special something. Often times I don’t even know what I’m looking for, I just have an idea of what I want. Walking through the aisles of a thrift store usually provides lots of ideas of items at very reasonable prices you may want to consider adding to your space.
Most of all, make this part of your bedroom decorating a surprise. It would be fun to add this special element to the room as the finishing touch. Don’t let your spouse know until they see it for themselves on the final day.
Day Three: ZZ = Pair of ZZ’s
The ZZ factor of your bedroom is very important! How well do you sleep at night? Today we’ll focus on beds, linens and sounds.
This is the most challenging part of the week because it requires some investment to do well. The linens, pillows and bedding we have really are the centerpiece of the bedroom. If the covers are frayed and the sheets are torn it effects our ability to relax. If you are able to purchase some new items here are some things we’ve found to boost the ZZ factor of a Sizzling Space:
- 100% cotton sheets with at least 400 thread count.
- Pillows – be sure to have the type of pillow best suited for your needs and support.
- Mattress toppers – we have discovered a down mattress topper that lays on top of your mattress that is unbelievable. It makes you feel as if you’re sleeping on a cloud, but without losing the support of a firm mattress. They sell these as Target or on-line.
- A Good Mattress – if you’re in need of replacing your mattress, but don’t have the money to buy a new one, pray and ask the Lord to provide.
- Comforter Set – If it’s been awhile since you’ve replaced your comforter you might want to consider changing it.
- Clock Radio CD player with Sound Machine
Day Four: L = Lighting
How is the Lighting in your bedroom? There was a day when candlelight was the only option, and a good one at that! It was cheap and very romantic. Now we have so many choices – flourescent, incandescent (not for long though), lamps, canned lights and candles. What options to you have in your room?
Tom and I have dimmers on every switch in our bedroom; they are inexpensive and make any light fixture easily romantic. And we have invested in battery operated pillar candles – a must for any serious romantic! Another fun alternative is to hang clear stringed lights from the ceiling – you may not want to keep these up all the time, but they sure would be fun for an especially romantic date night at home. The quick peel and stick hooks will make this easy to do in any bedroom. Or hang them from your headboard as an easy alternative.
Day Five: E = Enjoy
It’s time to ENJOY your space. Today is the day to finish all the work you’ve begun this week. Once you’ve finished it all – spend an hour vacuuming, dusting and straightening your knick knacks. Next, buy or make a card for your spouse inviting them to a special Evening to Enjoy your space together one night this next week. If you have the room why not set up a table and have dinner or dessert by candlelight with soft music in the background? If space is limited spread a nice tablecloth on your bed and enjoy a picnic of finger foods you both love. Don’t forget to use your special lighting to create the right mood.
You’ve worked so hard to do this project be sure to make a big deal of the reveal to your spouse. You may want to wrap your bedroom door with a large bow along with a romantic card. Play it up big! After all this is the moment you’ve been waiting for! Enjoy it! Oh, and don’t forget to have the music playing as they open the door! This is the best part of taking on a project like this – the results!
For inspiration, check out our Romantic Master Bedroom photos on Pinterest.
I totally agree with you opabout splurging on bedding! After shelling out the cash for a new king sized bed, my husband and I were floored by the cost of new pillows, so we bought some cheap ones from Ikea and then tossed and turned for nights before splurging on nicer ones. A good night’s sleep is important – we shouldn’t have been reluctant to invest in good pillows in the first place!
Great advice. We have a rule that if it’s something we’re going to use all the time, it’s worth spending as much as your budget will allow for the nicest available–like good pillows.
Great article Dustin and so true. The bedroom is a representation of your relationship. I’ll be sharing with my community for sure. Thanks!
I’m so glad you liked my post this month. The bedroom is a mirror of the state of your marriage, which helps us keep it the best it can be. Great analogy. And thanks for sharing it with your community–the more marriages that can be helped the better.