Does a happy marriage start with a simple approach?
Corey Allan thinks so, and his e-book, aptly named “A Simple Marriage,” applies this belief directly and deeply. You may recognize Simple Marriage because it’s also the name of Corey’s highly successful marriage blog (where I have the honor of being featured as a monthly columnist).
Corey is a Ph.D. and licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, so he has the professional credentials to share some powerful advice on building extraordinary marriages. He’s also been a husband for 16 years and he’s a Dad to two kids, so I guess he has the right “street cred” as well. 🙂
My Simple Review of A Simple Marriage
Before I sat down to read A Simple Marriage, I had some preconceived ideas in mind about what it would contain based on my faithful following of the Simple Marriage blog for nearly a year now and my own ideas on marriage. I thought the book would focus on better communication, some advice on decluttering, some urging to “grow up” and not be such a Nice Guy or Gal, and some stories from Corey’s experience in counseling. And I figured this wisdom would be wrapped in the context of Dr. Allan’s strong Christian foundation.
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Well, this book contains all of those things, but not in the same form or from the same perspective as I expected.
A Simple Marriage is not as much a sit-down-and-read book as it is a workbook that requires some deep thinking and personal introspection. The book had plenty of good advice, but it seemed to have an equal number of probing, soul-searching questions.
I was also a little surprised to discover that the majority of the book did not focus on a couples-united approach to building a better marriage. Instead, most of the exercises are to be completed individually (most have you compare notes with your spouse afterward), and many focus squarely on the vision, purpose and plan for each spouse as their own man or woman.
This focus on the individual first follows Corey’s philosophy, which is stated in bold in the first chapter:
Marriage is designed to grow us up into better humans and I am responsible for my growth, not my spouse’s.
I have to be honest to say this seemed a bit strange at first based on my own strong, spiritual beliefs that marriage is all about the “two becoming one” and my preferred practice of working on marriage enhancement primarily from a couple-first approach. However, I completely respect Corey’s perspective of working first on yourself in order to be a better spouse…after all, he’s the doctor. 🙂
The bottom line is that I enjoyed A Simple Marriage, and I think those couples who are willing to take the time to complete the exercises and work individually to better understand and then improve themselves will be doing a real service to their marriage.
If you are looking for action-packed, quick action exercises that you complete while sitting together and talking as a couple, this e-book is not for you. However, if you are ready to examine yourself and work at improving your own life for the sake of your spouse and family, I’d recommend you work through A Simple Marriage.
By the way, here’s a rundown of the chapters to give you a little more insight into the topics covered:
1. Stretch your thinking
2. Faith and design
3. The vision of a marriage fully alive
4. Survey yourself
5. Live from a deep place
6. The power of purpose
7. Levels of consciousness
8. Marriage designing: Are you thriving or surviving?
10. Marriage design
11. Daily delicious habits
12. What gets in your way?
Please also note that Corey stands behind his product and offers a 100% full money-back guarantee if you’re not satisfied with your purchase.
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My wife and I like to hike so we try to get out and hike as much as possible during the summer.
I love packing our lunches and heading to the park for a day of fun in the sun.
In support of Dr. Allan’s approach, not that he needs it, I offer a quote from Dr. Paul Tripp’s book War of Words. “You and I don’t produce any change in others; it is always the result of God’s power and grace at work.” My wife encourages me to play golf and she is my self-appointed sports psychologist. She reminds me that I am having a good time, to keep my head down,etc. I think she just likes riding in the cart.
I like surprising my husband in the afternoon with ice cream sundaes from his favorite place. It’s nice to connect during the day and share a treat.
I like snuggling with my husband in a hammock under a tree. It’s simple, but a nice way to connect. You can’t help but be intimate in a hammock as if folds the two of you together!
Nice review. And, I agree with the doctor — you can’t have a complete marriage unless each person is complete, individually.
The wife and I like to go down to the pool and chill out. She swims/tans and I read. Win-win!
Favorite family activity…walking to the park or playing with bubbles (we have VERY young children)
Favorite couple activity…whatever we do on Saturday nights when the kids are in bed. It’s all good!
We love to go to the outdoor theatre enjoying a musical under the stars.
Anything that involves the entire brood, usually a trip to the beach or just hanging out for some playtime at the local park.
My hubby and I like to spend as much time outside as possible with the kids; whether it’s hiking at the local forest preserve or weeding the garden 🙂
Its so hot here in summer that we usually do something that involves getting into some airconditioning, like going to the cinema or something.
Hiking. It’s quiet and calm and we don’t have to talk or deal with anyone or anything except each other…And the dog.
We enjoy working in the yard/garden together all day then spend the evening making dinner and cuddling up to watch a movie.
Have BEACH. Will travel.
Living across the country from my family, our summer activities include spending time with them (when finances permit) so the kids can know mom’s side of the family as well as dad’s.
We enjoy going to the beach or a mountain hotel to hike and eat lunch.
Love family weekends at the inlaws down in tucson. Can’t stand the city, but cherish the company.
This summer we’ve been trying to make the most out of our weekends together. Saturday evenings have become sort of our regular multi-family soccer night. We live really close to my sister-in-law and her family and they have a great field for us to play on. It’s a lot of fun and a great workout too. We usually have a couple of other families over and all the kids run around the field too.
Sunday nights our church has started having very casual services outside in one of the courtyards. The services are pretty small but it’s great time to fellowship. We’ve been getting there early to have a pick nick on the grass. Great family time and the kids get to run around.
Congratulations to Mark who won a free copy of “A Simple Marriage.” Thanks to everyone for your awesome comments and Tweets!
I love to pack my lunch going on hike… thanks for sharing such a great post.