Is Your Relationship on "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob"? | Engaged Marriage

Is Your Relationship on “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob”?

By Dustin | Romance

New Moon RelationshipsMy wife is a dork.  So, please blame this post on her. 🙂

You see, as I write this post with the bizarre title, my dear wife and several of her girlfriends are downstairs having some girl time.  I am a big fan of “yours, mine and ours” time in a healthy marriage, so I’m happy she’s able to enjoy a fun Wednesday night with good friends.

What are they doing down there?  Alas, they are having a little “New Moon” party.  If you are not familiar with the insane popularity of the Twilight series of books (mostly among teenage girls, but I digress), New Moon is the second book and the latest movie adaptation to hit DVD.

So, my 29-year-old wife and mother of two (and one on the way), is watching a vampire/teen romance with her buds.  They’re eating popcorn.  And, oh yeah, they’re all wearing their “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” t-shirts…and Snuggies!

A Dork, Indeed

I think that my point has been proven on the dork-front.  When I found out those last few details of the evening’s plans, I let the gals know that I just had to write a post about it.  The challenge was making it relevant to the community here, at least a little bit.

Fortunately, I like challenges.  I’ve had several friends tell me they like how I can relate seemingly anything back to marriage and happy living.  Well, this may take the cake, but I think I just may have something to share.  And if it flops, at least I got to expose the Snuggie pals. 😉

A VERY Brief Twilight Overview

I have not read the Twilight books, but I have sacrificed for my wife’s sake and watched both movies.  I have to say that New Moon wasn’t terrible, though I won’t go any further than that for fear of losing my Man Card.

In a nutshell, the main girl (Bella) loves/lusts for this vampire named Edward.  In New Moon, she also spends a lot of time with a werewolf named Jacob.  Jacob really has the hots for Bella, but she is just biding her time until she can get all vampired-up with Edward some day when he finally “changes her” with some mild bloodsucking.

Somewhat relevant part alert: Jacob is really the logical choice for Bella.  He is the same age, he’s (reportedly) hot, he will relinquish his werewolf-ing for regular humanhood one day, and it is presumably safe for Jacob and Bella to have sex and produce babies.

Edward is not a good match on a practical level, but he is the passionate choice.  He’s a freakin’ vampire, he’s actually like 109 years old (but doesn’t age physically), he could kill Bella at any moment by losing control of his intense desire to drink all of her blood, and there’s a real fear that his sexual prowess could be deadly in its sheer force.  Plus, there seems to be a consensus that any baby-making would kill Bella, unless of course she became a vampire for all of eternity.

So, Edward is the mate of choice based on passion, raw emotion and lust.  Jacob is a better match for reasons of compatibility, reason and apparent “matchmaker” criteria.

Which Teen Heartthrob Better Represents How YOUR Relationship Started?

I hope that as you and your spouse have grown together, you’re able to say that both passion and logic draws and keeps you together.  However, I think we all have unique stories about those characteristics or circumstances that initially brought us to our spouse and got the relationship going.

So, there’s my excuse for writing this post.  Please share a comment about why you started dating your spouse.  Was it raw passion and instant chemical attraction?  Or was your courtship a more logical and natural fit?

Yes, Bethany is a dork.  But I love her dearly (although the lust may have to wait until she takes off that t-shirt with the big Edward face on it).  When I look back all the way to our high school years, I see many reasons and differences in our backgrounds that could have kept her from taking a chance with me.

I’m glad she’s a Team Edward kind of girl. 🙂

Photo courtesy of Amazon
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About the Author

Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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(29) comments

Gerry @ Families4Life

Sorry can’t help myself, but those snuggies look like the perfect contraceptive! On this site I would not be advertising them. Then again they culd gonder the NFP banner! Oops, I am going to be in trouble from my wife! Gotta go!!

Reply
    Dustin

    That is hilarious, Gerry! You are right about the Snuggies except I’d see them as a way to promote abstinence. I don’t want to think about how they could actually function as a contraceptive. 😉

    Reply
Laura

I am soooooo Team Jacob. There’s something to be said for building a relationship off of friendship rather than lust, don’t you think?

That being said, my husband and I were a pretty logical fit, although there’s plenty of passion there, too. We may not be alike in a lot of different ways, but we have very similar values, which certainly makes our relationship a million times easier than it would be otherwise. Trust me.

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    Dustin

    Thanks, Laura! Yeah, I would definitely say that my wife and I have grown to be best friends and were so before we got married. However, she was taking quite a risk on me when we first started dating (way back in high school).

    Reply
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Hate to admit it, but we’re in the lust and instant chemical attraction category. (Though I despise Twilight and all things related, so I nearly didn’t even read this post.) My first marriage was a more logical approach (in my mind, though my parents thought it was insane) and I saw where that got me, so as soon as I felt that crazy attraction to Gary, I grabbed ‘hold and let it run away with me.

Logic came later, but the hungry passion has not abated and I’m thrilled.
.-= Newlywed & Unemployed´s last blog ..Guest Blogging: To Rebrand or Not to Rebrand =-.

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    Dustin

    That’s really interesting, Newlywed, and I appreciate you sharing the different approaches you took with each marriage. And thanks for reading the post despite the title! 🙂

    Reply
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Jen

I’m a Team Jacob girl. The initial attraction was that I could see us grocery shopping together, walking the dog at the park, spending time with our families, and just doing normal every day things that need to be done. I knew that I would love doing those things with him.

The Team Edward part of the relationship is there as well, but it is not what made me marry him.

Reply
    Dustin

    Thanks for sharing, Jen. When I read your comments, I can definitely relate to valuing those “Team Jacob” qualities most in our relationship.

    Reply

This post is awesome 🙂
.-= Gwen´s last blog ..Mother’s Day Giveaway — Body Essentials Kit =-.

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    Dustin

    Thanks, Gwen!

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Our relationship is more the Jacob type, based on your definitions. We were friends for a few years before we started dating, and we really make sense together. Yes, there is passion in there, but it’s not the driving force in our marriage.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Note to Self =-.

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    Dustin

    Thanks for adding your thoughts, Heather. The “Team Jacob” (using my hokey definition) certainly seem to be in the majority.

    Reply

When i first met my husband, I didn’t really see it going anywhere more than a way to distract myself from my previous relationship. Somehow that changed. Then we broke up. We became friends and developed a relationship again. I think we swap between Team Jacob and Team Edward.

My husband likes vampires, so when twilight first came out he wanted to see the movie and i said “what are you, a 14 year old girl?” He made me sit through that whole movie, and then he realised I was right. we haven’t bothered with the next movie.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..Free Comic Book Day 2010 =-.

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    Dustin

    Too funny, Mary! After sitting through both, I have to say that New Moon is a MUCH better movie. The acting is still pretty lame, but the special effects are actually pretty cool, and I enjoyed the plot a *little* bit more in the second movie.

    Reply
Wendy R

I don’t know, Dustin, what do you think? 🙂 You know my husband, and to compare him to a vampire or a werewolf is hilarious. Probably more vampire-ish in complexion, though. I’m thinking you look more like a vampire, too, if this was the choice (hence, Bethany on Team Edward). I know you’re not asking vampire vs. werewolf, though.

My first answer was definitely Team Jacob. I think relationships can start either way, but ours started as a strong, natural friendship and never went through that phase where you are so giddy around the other person that you lose your appetite or stutter over your words. But, if Edward symbolizes differences that had to be addressed, then I guess we’ve got a little of that, too. I also thought it might be dangerous to have his children (kidding). I’d better stop these comparisons before it gets ridiculous.

Thanks for elaborating on the books, too. I don’t know if I’ll ever read them, and your thoughtful synopsis helps me retain my “Woman Card” in future conversations.

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    Dustin

    Yeah Wendy, Jason is definitely more in the vampire camp. As his former roommate, I won’t elaborate. 🙂

    If you ever decide to read the books, I’m sure Bethany would love to let you borrow all of them and suck you into her Twilight cult group of enthusiastic girlfriends.

    Reply
daniele o'toole

OK, so there is a 16.5 years difference in our ages, he has three older children and an ex-wife, and he is pretty commited to his faith ~ I was just 21, a single mom, with no faith background at all. We definitely started out with the Team Edward, if I was using any part of my brain this would seem totally nuts to me, relationship. Over the next 2.5 years, and the almost 11 since, we have built a relationship that is a pretty awesome mix of both:)

I loved this post, and would so be down stairs with my Team Edward tee on watching New Moon with them!

See you guys soon.

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    Dustin

    I would totally agree with your assessment, Daniele! And I’m sure Bethany would love to have you over for the next New Moon viewing party. Bring your Snuggie! 😉

    Reply

When I first met my wife, I was pretty much smitten. I guess that makes me more like a Bella-type and she the Edward-type (though I hope not, because that’s a little weird). We began hanging out in the same group of college friends before I mustered up the courage to ask her to lunch.

So, it seems there’s some Jacob-action, too, as we developed a friendship. It wasn’t long before I cut my hair and began wandering around in public wearing nothing but shorts. Oh, and I was suddenly very ripped, but I digress…

All kidding aside, in spite of the initial attraction to my wife, previous relationship crash-and-burns taught me to develop a friendship first. We were very intentional about that before we even started dating. I mean, we had to make sure we actually liked each other, you know? Plus, I was always told to marry my best friend, which turned out to be perfect advice.
.-= Derek Sisterhen | Past Due Radio´s last blog ..103 Past Due – Buying & Selling Homes in Today’s Market =-.

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    Dustin

    You are a funny dude, Derek! “Wandering around in public wearing nothing but shorts” just had me rolling.

    And I totally agree with marrying your best friend. Our relationships don’t always start that way, but I’d recommend that couples get to that point before they decide to get married.

    Reply

Leave it to you, Dustin, to turn Twilight into an applicable marriage post! For the record, in Twilight-world I am most definitely Team Jacob. That poor sap just can’t catch a break – until the final book, that is. Not important.

Anyway, I would love it if my marriage were more Team Edward style, but it sadly is not and never has been. My hubby and I started out as friends and marrying him was a very Team Jacob move, safe, secure, logical. Sure, we’re totally in love, but never….ever….have I felt “in lust.” Unfortunately that has always been the one thing really missing from our relationship and it’s kind of sad. Obviously, the physical part is there because we have two amazing children, but I really have to work at it. Yup, a little more Team Edward might be nice, but having a Team Jacob marriage is what I’ve always known.
.-= Sarah K´s last blog ..Sneaky Brownies in a Pinch =-.

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    Dustin

    Thanks so much for sharing your personal story, Sarah! Of course, the ideal is to have both, but for what it’s worth I think in the long term it’s much better to have that strong “Team Jacob” foundation to work from.

    I don’t know if you’ve read The Five Love Languages, but Dr. Chapman talks about how the feelings of being smitten and “in love” last an average of two years. Beyond that, love is a choice that we make every day when we remain committed to our marriage, our spouse and our sex lives. I tend to agree with him on that point as well as his suggestions for keeping the “love tank full” by finding and applying our spouse’s primary love language.

    Reply

      We give out a copy of that book as part of our wedding gift to every single couple whose wedding we attend. It’s a good one!
      .-= Sarah K´s last blog ..Sneaky Brownies in a Pinch =-.

      Reply

I’m split 50/50 between Team Jacob and Team Edward. lol I adore them both and think they both have great things to offer Bella. And that pretty much defines my boyfriend and I.. we have a good blend of both! 😀

Warm regards,
C

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Team Edward – When I met my spouse it was instant attraction and not very practical at all. Even now, after two years of marriage, it hasn’t scaled to the practical side yet but it’s on it’s way there.
.-= JESSU´s last blog ..What do you put on when you’ve got fifteen minutes to run off to work? =-.

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Skeemer118

Forgive all of my “late” comments as I’m a new reader & catching up. 🙂 I’ve gotta honestly say, DH offers me the best of both teams. He is quick to pick my shoes up out of the floor (Team Jacob) & still kisses me like it’s our first kiss (Team Edward). And for what it’s worth, we watched exactly 20 minutes of Twilight before we turned it off. haha.

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