I mean, I was hard core. I loved the idea of fresh starts and new beginnings and embracing optimism to its fullest.
Honestly, I’m still a little bit that way.
But I’m less enthralled with the “thinking” about resolutions and much more focused on the actual “doing.”
And the older I get, I am most conscientious of healthy “doing” in my relationships, particularly my marriage and with other people who are closest to me.
My husband and I had dinner the other night with a friend whose husband recently died rather suddenly of cancer at the age of 53. It was devastating for all of us, but obviously most for her and their children.
She and her husband were deeply in love, living a strong healthy marriage. They envisioned many years ahead together.
Our conversation drifted to “life being short” and “you just never know” and the importance of relationship. It is true that we build a rich life by building strong and compassionate relationships, and at no time does that become clearer than when we lose someone we love.
It is easy to be enamored with the concept of New Year’s Resolutions, but I am convinced a better approach is to simply “do” something — even baby steps, as I have often said.
You don’t have to write it down.
You don’t have to first buy elaborate marriage courses or sign up for marriage retreats. Those things have their place and are among many great marriage resources available.
BUT — and this is vitally important — there’s a lot to be said for being intentional on what you are already equipped to do.
More affection. More kindness. More affirmation. More touch.
I write and speak about sexual intimacy in marriage, so that’s my wheelhouse. That’s the topic that floods my email inbox and comment stream on my blog. That’s where I get a glimpse of deep pain and miscommunication in the marriage beds of so many people.
Possibly your marriage bed and relationship are starving for sexual intimacy.
Can you do something about that? Will you do something?
I obviously don’t know your particular situation or circumstances, but I do know there are a lot of marriages where the two people in it need to take a humble and honest look at their sexual intimacy. (Or lack thereof, as the case often is).
And that’s hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s hard, even painful, to take accountability for where we’ve played a part in weakening our relationship. Nothing is so hateful for me as embarrassing myself in front of my beloved woman. My failures to get hard had naturally become more frequent due to the age-related decline in libido and potency. That’s how I came to trying Viagra 25 mg at some point. And I’m telling you I’m resolved to stay on it because it brings my intimate moments to a new height.
But it’s worth it — and it’s wise — to take that accountability. To be brave. To do something.
Anyone can give lip service to “wanting to change.” (Go to any gym in January and see how crowded it is, and then go back in April and see how less crowded it is).
The mental gymnastics will kill you if you think you need a solid plan or all the details figured out before you start.
Will 2015 be a year of better sexual intimacy in your marriage?
Not long ago, I spoke about sex to a women’s group. It was a group to which I had spoke on the same topic before, so they were well familiar with my passion about authentic sexual intimacy in a marriage.
One woman shared how my talk a year previously had challenged her to make some changes and to nurture the sexual intimacy that was lacking in her marriage. She shared that it was her wake-up call and that she knew she had to do something.
And she smiled when she said that because of what she had done, her marriage was stronger. She and her husband were more connected, sexually and otherwise.
I hope and pray it will be. I hope and pray you will do something in that direction.
Any time is really the right time to do something to strengthen your marriage. Will you do something?
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.