In recent years, more stories and reports of sexless marriages appear in the media.
This is not because the prevalence of such marriages has risen, but due to the fact that we, as a society, have become more open in discussing this issue. I’ve even seen stories about the sexless relationships of various celebrities, which goes to show how mainstream this topic has become.
And it should be mainstream because sexless marriages are much more common than you would suppose. According to a survey done a few years ago, more than 15% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, the criterion for being classified in the sexless marriage group.
So, we know that this is a common problem, but why?
There are a few known culprits:
1. Physical issues – various medications may lead to side effects which include a loss of libido. In addition, surgery to the pelvic area and numerous medical conditions may also disrupt a person’s sex drive or their ability to have sexual intercourse. It is important to discuss this issue with your doctor.
2. Stress – The ultimate mood killer is stress. It can take on many forms: economic stress, fatigue-induced stress, excessive workload, and so on.
Being in the mood for intimacy requires a certain calmness. Being under too much stress can place a great strain on any relationship. In today’s fragile economy, excessive stress and anxiety are more common, which may lead to even more sexless marriages.
3. Fatigue – There’s a reason why many couples report that the frequency of their lovemaking plummets in the first year after having a baby. All those nights of disrupted sleep and endless crying can take their toll. When you or your spouse are exhausted, sex may become less common.
4. Lack of variety and excitement – The excitement of a new relationship is like no other. For many couples, maintaining a similar level of excitement is a challenge that they fail to meet. Many marriages grow stale due to lack of variety and excitement in the bedroom and out of it. This can lead to a sexless relationship and make the relationship less stable as a whole.
5. An affair – When either the wife or husband have an affair, the damage to their love-life can be big. This doesn’t just happen when the affair is exposed and one spouse’s feelings are hurt by the action of the other, but may also occur while the affair is concealed.
There is only so much sexual energy and attention that a person can give. If this energy is expended outside the marriage, little of it is left.
6. An unresolved fight – A fierce argument or a fight that has not been adequately resolved can lead to a continual rift in a marriage. In such cases, the lack of sex can be a form of punishment due to the hurt feelings and anger resulting from such a past fight.
1. Make sure that you’re both healthy and aren’t taking any medications which may be lowering your sex drive.
2. Maintain a calm and relaxed atmosphere at home and work to relieve each other’s stress.
3. Make time for lovemaking. It is an integral part of marriage and should be treated as such.
4. Be open to new things.
5. Keep the lines of communication open between you two and be ready to resolve problems as they arise.
If you do all that, there’s a good chance that you will enjoy a healthy sex life and a good marriage.
Have you had any experience with a sexless marriage – any advice you can share in the comments?
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.