Now that you’ve set aside your 15 minutes for a few days, I really hope you are seeing the romantic benefits of this little investment of your time. And if your house is anything like ours, I’m sure you’ve already had to “defend” your Couple Timeon at least one occasion!
Today, we’re going to start being a little more intentional to really enhance this time and help it fuel the romance our marriage. The same 15 minutes are required, but instead of “just talking” we’re going to do a specific exercise that’s designed to really help you connect with your spouse and deepen your intimacy.
One word on the 15-minute idea: it’s simply a guideline. I like to make these activities short and sweet so most couples can enjoy them despite their busy lives. But if you want to take more time, please do so!
So, What Does Your Dream Married Life Look Like?
The first part of this exercise is simply to answer this question. You should do this individually, and I’d strongly encourage you to jot down your thoughts. This will not only help you focus better, but it will make it much easier to share with your spouse (more on that in a moment).
When my wife and I did this, we ended up taking completely different approaches with our answers. She filled her page with emotional thoughts about how we would interact and spend our time together during a given day. She gave some great specific examples of things we should do more often, such as relaxing together, praying together and openly communicating on a regular basis.
Not so much for Mr. Engineer here. My dream marriage plan was, well, an actual plan that could be followed. It was broken out over a typical week, and I had days for couple-only time, days for full-family time and a day in there for some “me” time as well.
I provided a schedule of what we could each be doing throughout the day in dreamland. Yes, I’m an uber-nerd.
And, you know what? This was perfectly fine, and it will probably be the case for you as well. After all, you’re two individuals with different perspectives.
Not Sure How to Dream?
You may struggle a bit trying to figure out what to write down for your “dream” marriage. Just relax and jot down how you’d spend your days if there were no constraints or expectations.
This is all about what you feel would be your ideal married lifestyle. Here are some items to consider:
- How would you spend your time?
- Where would you live?
- How do children fit in?
- Would you work – where and how much?
- How often would you have sex?
- How would you show your spouse you love them?
- Would you pray together, attend Church regularly or maybe start your own cult (just kidding, unless of course you are both big fans of the cult lifestyle)?
- How would you interact and communicate each day?
- Would you play sports together, exercise more or spend more time alone enjoying your individual hobbies?
- Would you read more, watch more T.V. or travel abroad as nomads?
If you answer these questions with sincerity, you will have the beginnings of a lifestyle design that represents where you’d like to go in life. Now it’s time to see how this matches up with your spouse…and start to realize the romantic benefits of this kind of exercise.
Coming Together
Your individual summaries are a great tool to get your minds opened up and your ideas flowing. However, the real romantic power in this exercise comes when you share your thoughts with your spouse.
I recommend that you take turns telling each other about the lifestyle you envisioned and wrote down. Do not interrupt your spouse, and do not discuss your thoughts until you have both had a chance to speak.
I suspect you’ll find that the words you wrote down take on a different meaning when you’re speaking them to the person they most directly impact. And things many get a bit emotional.
You’ll likely discover that you both have some ambitions and hopes for your family that you hadn’t really expressed previously. You may even find some conflicting goals (he wants to live in Memphis, she’d prefer Paris), but that’s okay!
The important thing is that you’ll now know those different goals exist so you can start to work together to find common ground. And you can start to take action to not only plan for the future but start living the lifestyle you desire today, wherever possible.
There are obviously practical benefits of planning ahead, but I think you’ll find this exercise helps you both open up to each other intimately. Open communication is in itself quite romantic, but if you listen closely you should pick up some ideas where you could better serve your spouse today to make them feel more appreciated.
For me, hearing my wife’s thoughts on how we’d ideally spend our time together sure got my attention. We still have the constraints of the real world to deal with, but I now understand the lifestyle she wants for us and the support she needs from me. And we get a little closer to it each day.
Trust me when I tell you that my wife finds it very romantic when I listen to her, understand her desires and make some effort to meet them. For us, this exercise jump-started our re-commitment to spend quality time together each day…and it lead us to start this little 15-minute Marriage Mojo adventure!
Dare to Dream!
If you’d like to stick with the 15-minute format, I suggest you do your individual writings one day and then have your face-to-face talk the next day. I suspect you’ll find plenty to discuss for days to come.
In our next lesson, we’ll get a bit more romantic in the traditional sense and also spend some time looking back. After today’s lesson spent discussing where you’re going, you may find it helpful to look at where you’ve been.
You should receive Lesson #4 in a couple of days. I’ll see you then!
All the best,
-Dustin
P.S. – If you’re enjoying these lessons and see how 15 minutes really can make a difference in your married life, I’d encourage you to check out my book 15 Minute Marriage Makeover.
It will lead you and your spouse through a 28 day journey that will refresh your relationship and jump start your communication, romance, sex life and finances. All in 15 minutes a day!
Just go to this link to read all the details: