In a recent giveaway we had for Marriage Time newsletter subscribers (sign up here) for free so you don’t miss the next one), I asked this question:

What is one simple thing I can do to brighten my spouse’s day today?

I received dozens of responses back, and I was really touched and impressed by some of the ideas.

74 Simple ThingsSo, I filtered through all of the duplicates, and I would like to share these unedited responses for everyone to see.

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Which of these simple acts can you use today to show some thoughtfulness toward your husband or wife?

  1. Simply tell her one thing that makes her special to me.
  2. Texting him at work and keeping him from getting bored in the minutiae of the day. (Check out these sexy texts for ideas)
  3. Declutter the bedroom.
  4. Compliment her via text every hour on the hour all day!
  5. I could surprise my husband by taking him to the Irish Festival this afternoon.
  6. By sending him a love letter to tell him I appreciate him & I’ll be taking the lead in the bedroom tonight – this will totally make his day…and week! 🙂
  7. Tell her how much I’m glad I married her (married 20 years).
  8. Take the kids to the park while they are on Spring Break and let her have a nap.
  9. Give him an encouraging note or email during the day.
  10. I took the kids because she was sick. That way she could rest.
  11. One thing I could do to brighten my spouse’s day is to buy her some flowers.
  12. Dinner. Then dishes. She loves that!
  13. A simple thing I could do (and actually just did!) to brighten his day is give him a call, unexpectedly, just to tell him I love him & wish him a great day 🙂
  14. One simple thing I can do?  Compliment her sincerely on something specific with her appearance.
  15. One simple thing I could do to brighten her day is let her sleep in and get the kids ready for school.
  16. I could call him and tell him I love and miss him while he’s at work.
  17. My husband is easy. Smile at him and say, “I appreciate you, honey!” makes his day. I know I look grumpy much of the time with stress, pain and worries. I don’t smile enough. So when I do, it makes a difference!!
  18. A simple thing I can do to brighten my husband’s day is a phone call to simply remind him that I love and appreciate him.
  19. When he comes home after his long day at work, I could have dinner ready and let him know I have a REALLY special dessert ready after the kids are in bed! (Click here for some new ideas to spice up your lovemaking).
  20. One thing I can do to brighten my husband’s day is to watch the BYU basketball game with him!  🙂  Go Cougs!
  21. Send him a text message telling him what I’m looking forward to about our night tonight (especially if physical!)
  22. A three-minute hug.
  23. Give her flowers for no special reason at all – apart, of course, from saying she’s the love of my life.
  24. I could send him a text message letting him know I’m thinking of him & offer support as he prepares for his final exam tomorrow!
  25. I could bring him coffee in the morning, pack his lunch and make his favorite dish for dinner.
  26. Empty the dishwasher before I leave for work.
  27. Call him and leave him a special voice mail!
  28. Greet him by dropping my work bag and showering him with hugs and kisses…for the rest of the evening!
  29. A quick 5-10 minute back rub can turn my wife around if she has had a bad day (or make her day great if she is having a good day already).
  30. To brighten my wife’s day, I can clean the bathroom. She hates to do it!
  31. Sending him a daily email while he is deployed with thoughts and moments from my day and letting him know I love him and I am proud of him.
  32. I will give him a massage tonight, just because, without him having to ask.
  33. Tell my wife how much I appreciate all she does for me, the kids and our home and that I pray for her constantly.
  34. I’ll be using your One Simple Thing trick on him tonight!
  35. Clean the toilets.  Sexy, huh?  Depends what I’m wearing while I do it – like a smile, for instance.
  36. I could draw funny faces on the eggs in the refrigerator.  =)
  37. One simple thing I could do to brighten my husband’s day TODAY is locate a copy of Boondock Saints for us to watch!
  38. I can have dinner ready and a cheerful disposition when he comes home from work.
  39. I could get out of bed on time so we can get the kids ready more quickly and not make him late for work (being late is his pet peeve and I push the limits every day).
  40. To brighten my wife’s day I make her coffee in the morning.
  41. Practical: Put away the laundry. Fun: Make out session.
  42. I can tell him that I appreciate him and everything he does for us.  Sometimes I get in the habit of complaining about what he’s not doing, and I forget that telling him what he is doing is 10 times more important!
  43. To brighten my spouse’s day I will wake up cheery, not grumpy and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me.
  44. Have dinner waiting for him when he gets home.
  45. Drop by his office with a cupcake from the shop across the street on my lunch break.  Just so he knows I’m thinking of him.
  46. Make Rice Krispie treats
  47. My husband works night shift, so I buy a Red Bull (his fave pick me up) and put it in the fridge for him when I get in.
  48. Do his laundry while I’m working from home today!
  49. I can thank him for his awesome management of our finances and his hard work to pay off our student loans so that we can start a family!
  50. Put a Love note (post it) on his computer screen.
  51. When he came out of the bedroom to head to work (we were running late coming back from crew practice) – I had his toast ready, hot water in his tea thermos, and the tea was almost completed….
  52. One thing I can do is let her know that I love through notes left around the house, emails, or flowers.
  53. Say “I love you”.
  54. Thank him for his support as I face challenges.
  55. I will look at my wife’s eyes, give her a kiss and say I LOVE YOU.
  56. One simple thing I sometimes do is pre-toothpaste his toothbrush.  It saves him just like 4 seconds in his morning routine but when I do it I always hear him say “awww” from the bathroom.  Haha.  It’s silly, but it’s something.  😉
  57. I had to work today at our church office, and he has been away since Monday.  He’ll get home before me – so I have some delicious corned beef and cabbage cooking in the crockpot, so we he walks in the door he’ll be greeted with love cooking in the kitchen!
  58. I can make him a cup of coffee. I love it when he does it for me.
  59. Make him his favorite brown bread… and have it come out of the oven as he comes in the door.
  60. Be sure that your eyes light up when you see her.
  61. Let him sleep in!
  62. I could give my husband a back massage. I think I will.
  63. Today, I will keep my three year old awake in the afternoon, when he would normally want to nap.  This means an earlier, easier bed time for him, and more time in the evening alone for my husband and I.  I know he’ll really appreciate that, especially on a Friday.
  64. To brighten my spouse’s day, I could write him a love letter telling him why I married him, and why I love him!
  65. All I did was ask him if there was anything I could do for him today.  I have never done this before, but I wanted to let him know that I am here for him and I want to help him if he needs something.
  66. I make my husband his favorite dinner and make sure to have warm water in his glass (his preference) when he gets home from work.
  67. Wash the dishes…Naked!!!
  68. Pray with him in the morning.
  69. Clean the house
  70. I do my best to write a quick love note on a sticky note and hide it somewhere that my wife will find it each day.
  71. Write an encouraging sticky note for him to find when he gets in his truck to go to work!
  72. Something unexpected that she usually does, like perhaps cleaning a bathroom?
  73. Drive her to the training the morning and pick her up at the end of the day.  It’s always exciting to see her get off the train and come home with me.
  74. The one thing I can do is set his slippers out by the couch when he comes home from working all night so he doesn’t have to go into the bedroom to get them before he relaxes for a while.

How great are these ideas!?!

Keep this post handy, and you’ll always have a way to make your spouse feel special.  After all, that’s the key to simple, everyday romance!

To make it super easy for you, we’d like you to take a copy with you to use anytime you want to brighten the day for your husband or wife.  Just click the button below to get your free copy!

Just Click Here to Download 74 Simple Things You Can Do To Brighten Your Spouse's Day to take it with you to use anytime!

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About the author 


Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.

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  1. Hi Dustin!

    Nice post you have here. We’ll be sure to bookmark it for some instant inspiration to cheer each other up!

    Tariq – I love it when Shaheera calls me up the moment she gets up in the morning. I know then that I’m one of the first few things she thinks of after waking up. Oh, and I also love it when she gives me her handwritten love letters. 🙂

    Shaheera – Seeing Tariq pick me up with a smile already brightens up my day! Oh, and also when he does random, unplanned sweet things like buying my favourite snack without asking, giving us the day off for some romantic time and giving me a back rub. 🙂

    Thanks for the list!

    Tariq and Shaheera

    1. Thanks so much Tariq & Shaheera! Your additions are awesome, and I like how you included what the other does for you that makes you feel special.

  2. Fill up your wife’s gas tank (especially early in the morning when she doesn’t know you are doing it). That can be a major chore hauling three kids around, so she will greatly appreciate it!

    1. That’s a great one, Mike. I almost always fill up our cars, so seeing my wife take the initiative to do it would be fantastic. (hint, hint sweetie 🙂 )

  3. My father used to leave notes for my mother and for each of us in places he knew we’d get to eventually, but probably not immediately. He was witty, so the notes were always funny. It made our day when one of us came across a note, and my mother adored hers.

    So I continue the habit with my pseudo-husband! I plant them in a suitcase when he isn’t leaving town for a while, or in a box of cereal he isn’t eating a lot of at the time. Just silly little stuff, but it keeps things fun. And the forethought shows a lotta love!

    1. Wow, I REALLY like that idea, Paula! I have left notes around but always where I know Bethany will find them almost immediately. It’s really cool to think she may not discover a thought until months later…when I may have forgotten what I wrote.

  4. My hubby often switches the radio to my favourite station when he gets out the car and knows I will be using it next – I love that! I thank him for all the little things he does – stack the dishwasher, when he drives us somewhere, when he picks up a bottle of my favourite wine – he’s an awesome husband!

    1. Thanks for sharing, Niki. I got a smile out of your comments because I used to be pretty notorious for leaving the radio cranked up when I got out of the car. When my wife would take it in the morning, it would make her jump out of her seat!

      I’m better about that now. 🙂

  5. This post really made me think… My husband does so many nice things all of the time without ever being asked; washes the dishes, fills up the cars, brings coffee to me while I am in the shower in the morning, gets up early with the kids every weekend, folds socks (which I hate) — the list goes on and on. He has always just naturally done nice little things that make my life easier and happy. But what was hard for me was to think of things I actually do for him. This list should get me pointed in the right direction, hopefully the next time you ask for nice things it won’t be so hard for me!

    1. I’m glad I got you thinking, Jaycie. 😉

      You certainly have a good man (and one of my best friends), but don’t discount your worth. You’re a great wife, and I’m sure he sees more little things that you do day-to-day than you realize.

      Now, go fold some socks! 🙂

  6. I love how most of these suggestions are free and don’t make much time (5-15 minutes). It goes to show how simple, inexpensive things go a long way!

    1. I think you should give him more time to go hunting, and let Bethany know I need to join him, and I can relay this information in person. 🙂

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  8. When hubby comes home tired and worn out. I give him a bath, rub down, and a massage. By the time I get to the massage he’s a sleep. I think he really likes it.

  9. Wonderful Dustin. My hubby and I always find something nice to say to each other every day and never forget the hugs and kisses each day. Marriage is the most important thing one can have and it needs water every day to grow and be its best. Thanks you for the 74 simple things to do when it comes to marriage. Debbie

  10. My husband and I have a little, red plastic heart clip (it used to say “Joy” on it, years ago) that we trade back and forth by leaving it someplace the other will find. It’s fun to try to come up with someplace new (after 20 years, this is quite a chore!) and even more fun when I find it after he’s hidden it for me.

  11. Write SHMILY (See How Much I Love You) in random places ie: unroll the toilet paper and write it on a piece of the TP. Write it on the eggs in the egg carton in the frig.

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  13. Something funny I do sometimes is act like one of the dogs when he comes in from work. We have three of them and they are so excited and jump all over him when he comes through the door, so I do it too. It’s a sweet gesture and funny as well.

  14. Pingback: How To Brighten Your Spouse’s Day «


  17. HI 🙂 my partner knew i was having a bad week at work and so when i came home on the friday (he was at work) but as I go to walk up the stairs, there is a A4 page on every step, just simply saying I LOVE YOU! YOURE AMAZING!! it was perfect. also leaving notes on the window when your randomly parked somewhere, always a winner!! thanks for some great ideas!!

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  19. What we alwasy overlook in these type of lists is that they are usually wrong — becaue the question is wrong!

    Instead of asking “What can you do for your spouse” we need to ask “What could your spouse do for you”.

    Let face it. Men are basically clueless on what they can do for their wives (why would they be looking for ideas if this were not true). And women — yes you too are clueless about what you can do for your husband. We can all try to come up with the perfect “what I could do for”…but the most insightful lists will only be had by asking the receiver “what do you want”.

    1. mmm well i agree but at the same time it would be nice to get flowers from ur husband cuz he just gets them not cuz you brag and ask for them,. you know what i mean. I do agree we need to as each other what can i do to make you happier what can i do for you but surprises are always good) i got my hubby weight machine pretty cool he almost had a heart attack from surpeise like that)

  20. well every day try to make the best of it ans surprise each other. My Love works on construction and i write little love notes and what he means to me and put them in hi luch box or more fun i cleat tape them and put them in his food LOL and he does dishes for me our bed laudry My Husband is just a Blessing to me in my life! Love one another and dont pay attention to bad days. God Bless!

  21. Something I like to do sometimes, is even if we are staying inside for the evening, I put on my makeup and fix my hair. Put something cute on. When he gets home he always has a big smile and tells me how pretty I look. I know he feels special when he asks me why I got so dressed up and I tell him “Just wanted to look pretty for you”. I think women should try and look good for their husbands so they will be proud to show you off, and wont be able to take their eyes off you 🙂

  22. I write on the bathroom mirror I love you so when he gets out and brushes his teeth he sees it and it brightens his morning.

    1. Yeah – I was just wondering how I could get him to read this so he could get a clue that there are some husbands that DO think about their wives in other ways than the obvious male desire. He is a good husband, gentle and kind, but he just doesn’t think to do any of these sweet things. So, I will be thankful for his gentle and kind nature. That goes a LONG way.

  23. All I have to do to brighten my husbands day is eagerly give him a blow job…It lets him know that I do care about his needs and desires, no matter how much I pester and nag at him! Its a win/win situation!

    1. When I get out of the shower and the mirrors are still steamed up, I write I love you, and other things that towards that.

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  25. We have a foam red heart that we leave for each other around the house. Last night, my husband was out of town and he left it on my pillow.

  26. Regarding the above post… For my husband, every now and then I’ll stay up after he goes to bed. I’ll get out a sheet of paper and write a short love note stating how blessed and thankful I am for all he has done for me. I’ll tape the note to the bathroom mirror or the door leading to the garage. He is always in the best mood when he comes home from work!! Especially since he wasn’t able to hug his thanks to me because he gets up and is at work before I’m even awake. One of his buddies once said that these letters are “powerful”. I said really? My husband said, “You have no idea. The surprise and sincerity in your letters make me feel like the most accomplished man.” Score!! Because I think exactly that 🙂

  27. When my husband has a bad day at work, I drive all around town finding a dinner that reminds him of his Washington DC home: Five Guys burgers, Utz crab chips, and Dogfish Head beer.

  28. Bake something for my husband to take to work. He loves being the envy of all the guys at work and he gets a treat in his lunch box too!

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  30. I know When I used to leave for a week or more my mom would put small sticky notes thoughout my trunk and I’ve always looked forward to doing that when my spouce travels with work.

  31. Whenever my husband has to go out of town, I like to take his truck and do a deep cleaning. He is always so happy to come home to a nice clean vehicle!

    I love all the ideas on this list!!

  32. I like the way you think!!! Click the link for 70 Ways to Brighten HIS Day, some other different ideas along the same lines. 😉

    1. I have a hot lunch ready for him to take to work in a tupperware container, his coffee ready and if he’s really lucky, i’ll have made his favorite banana bread and have it heated and buttered. He’s set for the day.

  33. My son and his live-in girlfriend are having a difficult time communicating constructively. Both were interested when I offered to find a book that might help them to learn this crucial skill. However, I was unable to find a book geared towards couples, rather than married couples. While there are many mutual concerns, there are many differences in the dynamics. They are only learning about love, sacrifices, and priorities. The relationship exit option is too readily available. I wish someone would come up with a application or interview type of long form that might bring up crucial situations that usually present themselves at some point in a long term relationship. Some of these very sensitive subjects can be a deal breaker. If I had known my boyfriend would put himself first, before our children, I never would have married him. But it never came up, that was over forty years ago and I assumed he felt as I did. It seems to me, a workbook that contains many scenarios that couples face in a life together, would help them to sort out disagreements before they make a marriage commitment, sort of like an application or interview. It could be framed playfully yet serious questions would still be addressed.

    1. It is geared toward married couples, however, we weren’t married when we read it.
      The 5 Languages of Love is a book i recommend. Married or not – it will change any relationship for the better. Try it, if you agree, pass it on! I swear your post almost asked for everything that book talks about – I don’t often comment, but this was like a request for something i felt could be helpful!

      Wishing you & yours every happiness!

  34. Two things that my boyfriend actually does for me that make my day are throwing a towel in the dryer while i’m showering so its hot when i get out, and starting my truck for me in the morning and bringing it around to the front door so it’s toasty warm and right there when i’m ready to go to work! 🙂 It’s the odd little things you would never think of that mean the most!

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  38. Isn’t it amazing that despite putting our thinking caps on and trying to come up with some new and innovative ways to demonstrate our love for our loved ones, there are always more things that we can do that we’d never even contemplated before hand. A great post with some interesting suggestions. I’ll be putting a couple into motion before sundown tonight!

  39. What I do to show my husband he is loved and appreciated is telling him and texting him. Also cards, notes, and when I go to any store grabbing a gift just because.

  40. While hubby was in the shower getting ready for work in the wintertime, I would sneak downstairs and start his car for him once in awhile so it would be nice and toasty and he would not have to be out there scraping his windshield.

  41. thanks for the awesome tips. I personally like to put my girlfriend favorite food in the fridge. It never fails to put a smile on her face when she comes home from work and sees that…

  42. I texted my fiance yesterday at 9 a.m. saying, “I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this day; I’m so tired.” He gets off two hours earlier than me from a job where he is on his feet doing manual labor. I sit at a desk all day. When I got home – despite the fact that he must have been tired, too – the entire house was clean. BLISS!

  43. My husband works night shifts and we talk all night, he loves it when I text him and ramble about how much I miss, love, want, need, and trust him.

  44. I love the wifey role! Up when he gets in the shower, make his lunch (include a note on his napkin about something from our favorite memories, or a sweet something…) Text him after a couple hours, wishing him a good day, with love. Clean house, do laundry, food shop, prep food for dinner & dessert, grab his favorite beer. Slippers and comfy stuff at the end of the bed for immediate, easy access. Unlock the door when i know he’s almost home. Take his work clothes and send him to relax (beer frosty & waiting) Give him soul possession of the remote control, serve dinner, bake dessert while we eat. Clean the kitchen, serve sweets. Then, I ask what rubbins he would like. (hands, feet, back, legs, head, full body, sensual massage (i have a book on that, it’s great!), or I’ll give him a mans mani/pedi – soak, scrub, lotion, rub. All the while asking if there’s anything i can get or do for him. Before bed, I reflect on our life, something that he’s done that fills me with happiness & love, and wrap him in my arms or crawl into his lap and tell him.
    My health suffered for many years until my transplant, which he was there every step of the way for – sleeping in chairs for 7+ days just so I wasn’t suffering alone. He takes care of us, and I do all of this, nearly daily. He is my King, and I, his queen.
    Almost 9 years together – married 2/2007, suffered a major lack in communication, divorced 2/2010, and started dating weeks later. Back together over 3 years, & getting re-married!!!
    ‘The 5 languages of Love’ is the book that taught us about our “love tanks”… Now we constantly keep each others overflowing.
    Marriage is not a gift. It’s an empty box. You get out of it, what you put into it. Marriage is like a weight. Sometimes it’s heavy, and you struggle to hold it, sometimes it’s light as air, and seems to surround you. A weight is something you lift & release. A burden is something you carry. Don’t let it be a burden, let it be a weight, that strengthens you & your bond to the one you love.
    I wish everyone happiness like we have & then some!

  45. We never were really nice to eachother in the beginning. It was highschool and just puppy love. But family an friends tried to keep us apart, and we fought just as hard if not harder to be together. Well, long story short we are not officially head over heals inlove 6 years later and three kids later. We still argue a bit, over petty stupid things. And he stresses way to much and get super cranky and short with me. The thing he does to make my day soo much better, is when he will take my hand after an argument and hold me and say sorry, along with a kiss on the forehead. And it’s nice you because he’s not secretive with this, he will do it in front if the kids so they can see, it’s okay to argue as long as you know when your wrong and you show the other person you love them and you are truely sorry. He’s an amazing man and I’m extremely grateful for him, he works really hard so I don’t have to, and I sometimes take that for granted. I text him through out the day, and if I’m out with the kids and see a movie he loves but got wrecked by our kids, ill pick it up for him. We love rice, he hates rice. So if I make a rice dish ill always make a small pot of potatoes just for him. Thanks for the post.

    1. This sounds like my husband and I. The only difference is we have a blended family you know his, mine, and ours. He gets really frustrated with the kids cuz we have 7 in the home. He leaves to hang out with his friends to chill out and calm down. Well his family is still trying to tear us apart they even went as far as to set him up with a high school fling. He hasnt seen her in 17 years and I was the lucky one he was with when they reunited. Needless to say he cheated on me 🙁 he even got her pregnant. They decided to terminate the pregnancy. He too stopped talking to her thank God. And to my surprise we are getting along better than before. I think we appreciate each other more than we used to!!

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  47. I always love when he picks out a dress for me to wear we go on dates! It keeps me from being indecisive and it lets me know he thinks my dresses look nice on me. I like to let him know when he’s wearing a color that really compliments his eyes/hair too : ) Makes his day to let him know I’m paying attention.

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  53. hello !
    Although these are not new things but you have explained in a good manner that it can make someone relax as well you are doing good workand i have a suggestion for you that u should share experiences of people if they share with u that how their life changed after using these ideas because human being learn more from experiences. God bless u and keep it up 🙂

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  55. My name is Mrs. Max,From USA ,and I’m happily married with a lovely husband and three children.I had a very big problem with my husband few months ago,to the extent that he even packed his things away from our house. He left I and my kids for almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him back.l discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can handle my situations and problem,that he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, please every one i would like you all to contact him with his email address,which is as follows.”(”. I never believed in spell casting,but My friend convinced me and i had no choice than to follow my friends advice,because i never dreamed of loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email address,and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband back a day after. I didn’t believe him, until when i got home,the next day,my husband called me to inform me that he is coming back home…..So Amazing!! That’s how i got my husband back through spell casting and our relationship was stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it to the people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by theo. So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same E-mail address,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or and problem at all, please Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him on

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  57. Sooo I’m one of the extremely few genuinely sweet-hearted romantic men and everytime I google a topic like this I get inspired with originality and am always grateful I made the search even though I never use a direct example. Thanks

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  59. I had found an old pack of post its and wrote something sweet on every one. Then I hid them around the house- Places he’d find them during his daily routine, or places he’d come across them in the far future.

    On Mirrors
    On the computer monitor
    On the laptop he uses for business (And put it back in the briefcase, of course)
    On the potrack/ above the stove for when he’s cooking
    Near the light switches because he usually shuts them off before I do.
    Near the dish drying rack
    In the bathroom vanity
    In his closet- Shoes, pockets, and the closet itself
    On the Cat Carrier
    In drawers
    and anywhere else I thought he might come across them 😉

  60. I did some of these things in the past for my husband. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to appreciate what I did (he never mentioned about it, never thanked me, and didn’t even smile when he read my notes or found out what I did.) I wrote him post-its notes saying that I love him, posted them on our mirror, his bag, his wallet, his computer screen. One time, I also spent hours making a personalized card saying that I love him and miss him whenever he is away.

    Whenever I buy him things that he likes or loves, he gives me that look and says that I didn’t have to, and that it was too expensive, etc.

    I feel hurt that every time I do something for him, he never seems to care – to the point that I ran out of ideas that will really make brighten his day. I have this terrible feeling that maybe I bore him or he’s not really into the “giving” type of love expression.

    Although my husband and I express our love through touch (physically and sensually), I feel like I also need to give something out of the ordinary just to make him feel more loved and special.

    My husband, however, showers me with appreciation. He tells me he loves me all the time, he sends me food on my office table (we work at the same office) when I am very stressed out and busy, he tends to hug me and kiss me, and holds my hand in public. I do not doubt that he loves me.

    But I just don’t understand why he doesn’t seem to appreciate what I do for him. Am I doing something wrong here?

    Any advice will be appreciated.

    1. Hi Charmaine,

      He just speaks different love languages to you. It is worth both exploring and understanding each others love languages so that you can speak to each other in the ways that you will feel most loved. There is a book (and now a website) about this:

      It’s in a lot of marriage books as well. It’s a helpful way to look at things and the concept is very simple.

    2. Do you know his love language? He seems to know yours acts of kindness, gifts………his seems to be touch….so maybe since you do touch physically…….he is satisfied. Is he complaining? Asking for something specific? If the other things don’t seem to make him feel loved than doing them won’t fill his love tank. Better to do them sometimes for you if they bring you joy but for him do what fills his love tank…. More touch physical and sensual and keep that up. Jess

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  66. I’ve been married 19 years to the most amazing man in any universe. I never feel up to snuff in the love department. I still get butterflies when he comes in from work. I hope he knows he’s my whole world. I am affectionate. He can always guess what I need. I have to ask 🙁 do you like a hug (etc). I’m a relationship idiot. Why does this person love me? Anyhoo, I cant find anything that shows how much he means to me. I cant sing, write, dance, bake, or paint. Even if I had these talents, no object could express my feelings. I may search endlessly for a means to display my unconditional love. I’m an atheist. The closest I come to believing in divinity is being embraced by my husband after he’s worked his hard ass job. He exhausted, but spends four hours bonding with me (& kids). Ill never match his level of caring. I fear he will wake up one day and walk away. He is VERY faithful (his friends n fam say & no wavering in 20yrs). Still I wonder wtf is this sexy man doing with my dumpy ass….seriously if jack nicholson was a woman, that’d be me. Hub is like if Hugh Jackman and Colin Odonoghue had a baby. Sigh sorry to ramble ! Well I like the warming his car trick. Hopefully more suggestions will find me.

    1. Have you looked at Gary chapman five love languages. In back there is an assessment that helps you determine your love language. It is probably online by now, the assessment, ask your hubby to take it…be clear tell hi you are not sure which way to show him love that makes him really feel loved. If he complains something is missing that is the clue….if you notice something he really does love that is a clue?

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  71. Amazing list, thank you for making it available for download. I’ve done something I normally never do, which is to share across my social media profiles. The pre-toothpaste tip had me in fits of laughter for reasons unknown. Anyway keep up the great work.

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