Why “Going Through The Motions” is Robbing You of Great Sex

By Julie Sibert | Sex & Family Planning

going-through-the-motions-sexMy husband recently switched from a second shift schedule to a more “normal” day schedule.

Americanized life — and maybe life in other countries too — tends to gravitate toward “work during the day” and “off in the evenings and on weekends.”

While I know that’s not everyone’s reality (it wasn’t ours for years), it is what is most conducive to things like kids’ sporting commitments, evening birthday parties, dinner out with friends and catching a 6 p.m. movie.

So, in many regards, we were thrilled when his schedule went to a shift of 7 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Thrilled I tell you!

What we didn’t anticipate is the toll that new schedule would take on our sexual intimacy.  

I. Kid. You. Not.

With his previous schedule, we had become accustomed to having sex late at night — and by late, I could really say “early in the morn,” because we were often having sex at 1 a.m.

Sure, with the new schedule he was now coming home from work by 3:30 p.m., but our evenings and nighttime hours became consumed with various life activities and responsibilities.

By the time we made it to bed, it was to sleep, not to have sex — because he had to get up at 5:30 a.m.

We found ourselves drifting toward a lot less sex.

But there was a positive we discovered (which I think is going to get us back on track for more frequent sex as well).

What we discovered is that we had lost touch with what it means to be ravenously desired sexually.  In other words, sex with the old schedule was a lot more frequent, but it was too often characterized by “going through the motions.”  

Don’t get me wrong.  It was still good.

I mean, we both like sex a lot, so it’s not that we didn’t enjoy it.  We were having sex so often, though, that it had become — I hate to admit it — somewhat routine.

Enter “new work schedule” stage right.

When we’ve made love lately, we both have noticed how powerful it is to want to be wanted sexually.

When the person you’ve married can’t wait to get their hands on your body and you mutually can’t wait to get your hands on theirs, it’s an intensity unlike anything else.

And I believe we get a glimpse of God’s kindness in that He gave us sex not only to protect our marriage, but also to infuse it with sexual passion and playfulness.

My point?

Have you become comfortable with simply “going through the motions” in your sexual intimacy? Have you lost a sense of what turns you each on?

Sadly, “going through the motions” too much will rob you of great sex.  What will wake you up from that?

For us it was a work schedule change. For you, it might be this blog or something else you read. It might be that you are at a sexual crossroads

It might even be a comment from your spouse, who realized awhile back that it would be better for both of you if “going through the motions” sex was more of the exception than the rule in your marriage.

There’s a lot to be said for wanting to be wanted sexually — and mutually running toward that feeling with abandon.

If “going through the motions” is robbing you of great sex, what will you do about it?  

About the Author

Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.

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