Why Everything You Thought About Hot Sex May Be Wrong

By Julie Sibert | Sex & Family Planning

what-makes-sex-hotHave you seen some of those video segments that show the extent that professional photographs are digitally manipulated?

To help people (particularly women and teen girls) grasp a more accurate picture of beauty, these documentaries visually show, step by step, how an original photo is tweaked to look more striking or more beautiful.

What we end up seeing is rarely what a person looks like in real life.

Technology has made the process seamless, allowing virtually anyone with the right software to not only remove all “flaws” from a photographed person, but also to enhance other features.

Bigger breasts. Whiter teeth. Smoother skin.

There are no limits.

A few magazine editors and photographers have willingly admitted that there is not one photograph that appears in advertising or print that has not in some way been altered.

Not. One.

What in the world does this have to do with hot sex?

Quite a bit, actually.  But not only for the obvious reasons.

Sure, our perception of body image has taken quite a hit because of all this digital manipulation.

And poor body image no doubt affects sexual intimacy in marriage — even if we landed at that “poor body image” on the rather shaky facade of fabricated visuals blaring from magazine covers, billboards and internet ads.

But the body image struggle isn’t the only thing tripping us up in bed.

The hottest most passionate sex in a marriage bed likely doesn’t look like we think it looks.

Media and Hollywood  regularly portray lovemaking, and they’ve become so skilled at portraying it that we are made to believe what we are seeing is accurate.  (That’s why they call it make believe).

It’s no wonder that when we think of “hot sex,” we aren’t just thinking of two perfect bodies.  We also are believing that those two people sexually move and engage in perfect rhythm.

Every kiss well-timed.

Every touch graceful.

Every shift in position flawless.

Every climax easily achieved.

Not even a pillow is out of place.  The room is perfectly lit.  Her make-up looks… well… like it was just touched up by an expert.  And his body is just the right shade of tan.

Hot sex.  If what you think it is seems to mirror the fabricated version, then everything you think may be wrong.

Real passion — real sex — is much messier. Much more awkward.

Honestly, this is one reason I’m not a big fan of a husband and wife videotaping themselves having sex.

Obviously, videotaping poses a huge risk that such video could fall into the wrong hands, even mistakenly.  But you also risk changing your perception on something that truly is amazing — even if it doesn’t look amazing.

Do you know what makes sex hot?

Love. Commitment. Vulnerability. Communication. Trust. Emotional transparency. Privacy. Authentic playfulness. A covenant.  Friendship. Agreement with the Lord that marital sexual pleasure and connection is right and holy and worthy of pursuit. Letting go of inhibitions.

Did you notice I did not name anything that is an outward physical attribute of the wife or husband — or even of the act itself?

Anything physically that happens during hot sex in marriage is merely a reflection of what is happening within the hearts, minds and souls of the two people there.

If you think the hottest sex comes from technique or physical beauty, I encourage you to fix your eyes on the Author of sex.

He reveals to us that sexual intimacy rooted in a godly understanding of authentic marital love and oneness will always be more profound — even hotter — than anything the world can offer up in the latest romantic movie.

Are you settling for mediocre sex in your marriage bed because you have convinced yourself you cannot have hot sex?

About the Author

Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and their two boys. When she's not writing, she's probably drinking ridiculously overpriced coffee.

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