Whether you’re single, thinking of engagement, or have been married for years, your lover will appreciate these tips on how to be a good husband.
We live in a world where you can find instruction manuals for almost anything online.
But there’s no Haynes manual on how to be a good husband.
We also don’t come into this world instinctively knowing how to do it.
With a 40-50% projected risk of divorce, it looks like a lot of couples could use some help.
The good news is, being a good husband is a skill you can learn!
Follow these tips and 10x your relationship!
1) Remember that she can sense how you’re feeling.
Men aren’t mind-readers. And while they’re much better at reading between the lines, neither are women.
But they can sense a shift in emotions. So if you’re in a bad mood, feeling resentful, or bitter, she’ll pick up on it.
Body language, tone of voice, choice of language – she’s unconsciously reading all of it, all of the time.
She might not even know she’s detecting your feelings on a conscious level. But she’ll react to them all the same.
So far, that sounds pretty negative. But the solution is surprisingly simple. If she’ll pick up on your bad emotions – she’ll also pick up on the good ones.
Respect her. Be authentic. Be honest.
This is particularly important if she senses something is wrong. If she asks you what’s up, don’t ignore her, even if you’re worried she won’t like the answer.
Howard Markman, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, believes that “nagging is an enemy of love”.
2) So, don’t turn her into a nagging wife.
Be honest. Do you ever complain to your friends that your wife won’t stop nagging you?
Well if you want to be a good husband, then your first job is to realize that you’re not infallible.
If she asks you to do something, do it. Don’t keep putting it off until she has to ask you a million times.
She’s only nagging you because you’re ignoring what she’s asking.
You may get home from work and be too tired to do what she’s asking.
But think about it from her point of view. She’s probably been at work all day too,
Yet she’s still expected to do the household chores, make the meals, look after the kids, and clear up after you.
If you want some time to yourself to unwind, then why would you expect anything less for her?
Step up and take some of the responsibilities off her shoulders. That’s how to be a good husband.
3) Involve her in your struggles.
Maybe you’ve had an awful day at work. Perhaps you’re in a terrible mood for any number of reasons.
You already know she’ll be able to tell. So involve her in what’s wrong.
Tell her about your day. Ask her advice.
Just let her know your mood has nothing to do with her.
Simply talking about it might lift your burden. Or she might have some useful suggestions.
Making her feel like you’re a team to tackle problems together is an easy way to strengthen your relationship.
By the same token, when she talks about her problems, don’t offer to solve them for her.
And certainly, don’t tell her how she should have acted.
Just listen, and let her know that you care.
It’s a cliche but it’s true – a problem shared really is a problem halved.
4) She wants to feel wanted.
It’s sometimes a common misconception that men are more interested in sex than women.
That’s not true. It’s just the case that men are more vocal about it!
Flirt with her. Make her feel special.
Don’t make her feel like sex is an obligation or a chore.
This goes back to #1. If you’re resentful or critical of her, she’s not going to jump at the chance to jump into bed.
But if you show her you appreciate her, and you value who she is, she’ll naturally be more positive towards you.
Listen to her when she’s talking. Ask questions about her day. Pay her compliments even if she doesn’t ask for them.
Sneak love notes into her purse. Find out her favorite food and prepare it for her to take to work for lunch.
Or, offer to make her dinner. Take her to that fancy new restaurant that’s getting rave reviews on TripAdvisor.
You could really put some proper thought into your anniversary plans. These 5 gestures will mean more than a box of chocolates ever will!
If she feels more emotionally fulfilled by the relationship, then she’ll be far more loving towards you.
5) Remember why you wanted her in the first place.
There must be a reason you chose her above all other women.
It’s easy to lose sight of that after you get married. The novelty wears off and the daily grind sets in.
You start to rub each other up the wrong way. She criticizes you, so you snap back. You want her to feel bad too.
Talk to your friends about how they saw your relationship when you first got together. Look at photographs. Watch any videos if you have them.
And don’t just look at how she’s changed. Look at how you’ve changed. Is it for the better, or worse?
This is also an exercise you can get her on board with, especially if you’re both frustrated with each other.
Turn it into an adventure.
Go on an emotional journey together to find your way back to the people that you were.
Have dates in unusual places. Get to know each other again.
She’ll appreciate the effort that you’re making.
6) Most of all, learning how to be a good husband is just step 1!
Reading about it is one thing. Putting it into practice is quite another!
Put some effort into planning an anniversary celebration.
But always involve your partner in everything. She’s your partner, not your property, trophy, or servant.
Listening to her should be at the heart of your lives together.
Make no mistake, she needs to listen to you too. This goes both ways!
So make an effort to have time together without interruptions. Put your phones away, turn off the TV, and just talk.
Really listen to each other, too. Don’t spend all of your time just waiting to speak.
Practicing mindfulness could really help you, especially the use of deep listening. You’ll hear things you’ve often missed in the past – and you’ll get to know her so much better as a result.
It’s true that following all of these steps will take time and effort. If you’d like to kickstart your journey with a peace offering, then consider one of our beautiful gifts for her.
Dr. Carissa Coulston is a Clinical Psychologist with over 30 research publications in high standard medical and psychiatric peer-reviewed journals. She has experience in managing a wide range of problems within the Psychology spectrum from common everyday issues such as stress and anxiety, to more chronic and severe mental health conditions.
Carissa writes a regular blog on relationship management and helps people deal with various problems they face in relationships, offering advice on how to resolve difficult situations, strategies to cope with and move past painful and disappointing experiences, and tips on how to improve the overall quality of relationships to achieve happiness and fulfillment.