Do you know how to have sex?
I’m going to assume the answer is yes. After all, on the surface, sex is a simple act of “Insert Tab A into Slot B.”
And if you listen to the incessant messages thrown at us by our sex-obsessed culture, there’s not a lot more to it.
Sure, the Internet is full of information about sexual techniques and supposed “secrets” to amazing sex. There’s certainly no shortage of advice out there on how to get the woman of your dreams into bed and drive your man crazy in the sack.
However, these messages always leave out the real secret to an incredible sex life.
Sure Sex is Fun…
Sex is one of the most physically enjoyable activities that we can experience, and God designed it that way for our benefit.
After all, God wants us to have great sex!
The key though is to not limit your thoughts on sex to the obvious physical pleasure that it provides. That’s certainly how our society treats sex, and it’s easy to see this limited view all around us.
Just look at any funny movie, popular magazine cover or any mainstream “relationship” website.
Every headline will center around one general idea: Sex is simply an activity and a form of recreation.
It’s all about how many times we have sex, how many different people we can hook up with and how intense we can make our next orgasm.
And this focus is not limited to some free-lovin’ approach to single life.
The vast majority of mainstream sex resources for married couples also approach the topic from the standpoint of making the act happen more often and with better technique.
I think we’d all agree that having sex with our spouse more often and in a physically satisfying way is great, but is that all there is to it?
…But It’s So Much More Than That
So are you ready for the big secret that never makes it into the headlines of Cosmo or the plot lines of a Judd Apatow flick?
Sex is not just an activity, it’s the most intimate form of communication.
Take a moment to read that line again and think about how it applies to your marriage and your sex life.
- Do you treat your intimate time with your spouse as a time to communicate?
- Do you feel what your partner is feeling when you make love?
- Does sex reinforce the deep connection between you and allow you to express your love in a way that only the sexual union between a husband and wife provides?
Embrace The Gift
When you approach sex as the deepest form of communication with your spouse, it takes away the limits that our culture has placed on this Gift from God.
Sex is not reserved for “perfect” days when you are both “in the right mood.” Instead, sex can be a perfect way to connect and express your feelings, even if they are feelings of stress, uncertainty or even disappointment.
Sex is not just for fun. When we relegate it to another form of simple recreation, it falls back into the mix with other “fun things” and behind “important duties” such as chores, work, or a good night’s sleep.
Sex is much more important to your marriage than a load of laundry, and it should be treated with the awe and respect that it deserves as an amazing means to unity and closeness in your relationship.
Break free of the limits that our society likes to put on sex. Tell your spouse how you’re feeling and receive their response openly, gratefully and with passion.
But remember that you don’t have to use words to have an incredible conversation…
P.S. – Getting in the right mindset makes all the difference, and it will open you up to more and better sex in your marriage. However, that’s not to say that sexual techniques and lovemaking tips aren’t helpful.
Michael Webb is a bit of a legend when it comes to sharing lovemaking tips – he’s even done it on Oprah – and he’s compiled over 500 of his best lovemaking tips in this resource if you’re interested.Photo by Stoichiometry