The Little Things: Happy Marriages Happen in Moments
Editor’s Note: I love this guest post from Amber! I hope you get as many smiles as I did from reading it. Share your own favorite Little Things in the comments.
When Engaged Marriage invited me to share one of my wedded bliss moments as a guest blogger, I began racking my brain for the perfect story to share.
I wanted something romantic, something that would make you all ooh and ahh, something that would help us all remember why marriage is so incredibly worth it. So, I started thinking of all the out-of-the-ordinary, big moments of romance in my 2 ½ year marriage.
I thought of the designer purse my husband surprised me with when he returned from his last business trip, and how I could write about all the time he’d spent in the shop consulting the sales associates about what pattern would be just right.
I thought about this past January, when I stumbled out of bed hours after my husband had left for work one day to find a deliciously scented bubble bath tied with a bow waiting on the counter and a note saying, “Today is National Bubble Bath Day. Relax and enjoy!” (Who knew such a perfect holiday even existed?!).
I thought about the time he surprised me with a trip to Italy for our honeymoon because he knew it was my life-long dream to go there, and the romantic dates he’s occasionally planned that have made me so glad he’s mine.
Don’t Miss The Little Things
But with all these big, romantic gestures to choose from, do you know what I kept coming back to as my reason for wedded bliss? The little day-to-day things, that neither of us stop to think twice about most of the time.
The way he opens my car door whenever I get in the car. The way he takes the edge of the sidewalk that’s by the street on our walks. The way he laughs right along with me when I’m sometimes seized with a very irreverent giggling fit during our nightly prayers.
The way he steps in to do the dishes when I’ve done the cooking. The way he irritably catches and takes out a spider for me, even though he’d much rather smash it. The way he sits on the sideline, and cheers me on when it’s my turn on the basketball court, and the way he smiles at me when he manages to avoid yelling at the refs when it’s his turn.
The way he lets me rant and rave about all the stresses in my life. The way he’ll miss a college football game to go clothes shopping with me. The way he’s willing to handle the list, and the cart at the grocery store.
The hours we’ve spent making homemade pizza. The nights of promising we’ll cream each other in cards. The mornings of snuggling up with a good book. The times spent brushing our teeth together, when he teases me about the foamy mess I make.
These “little” things are the things that make marriage worth it to me. They are the things that get me through the tough days that we all have.
So while I hope that the occasional big sweeps of romance continue (I mean, who in their right mind would turn down a dream trip, or refuse a bouquet of flowers?), what I really hope is that I continue to recognize the little blessings of every hour that come because I’m spending a life with someone I love.
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Amber Johnson is owner of Something New Custom Wedding Books. Her new blog, Flaunt It, features real-life couples sharing their day-to-day moments of wedded bliss, and inspiring other married couples through their flaunting. She would love to feature you! To submit your stories, or just follow along, please visit Flaunt It, at www.snweddingbooks.blogspot.com
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My very, very favorite “little thing” that my husband does for me is, when we’re backpacking, he will actually get up with me and get out of the tent in the middle of the night when I have to pee. He’ll hold the flashlight and politely turn away, all because he knows I’m afriad to go pee in the woods in the dark by myself. That’s LOVE baby!
Now THAT is true love, Krystal!
My wife is great about doing lots of little things that make life better for the both of us. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate them! I need to thank her for them more!
Thanks, Rob. I’m right there with you on this one.
Very nice post … the little things count so much in a marriage … day in and day out they accumulate, make for good will and ultimate happiness!
http://www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com
BTW – my little blog.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com gives a “nice behavior” every Thursday to do for your spouse
Thanks for sharing Sharongilo!
“he way he’ll miss a college football game to go clothes shopping with me.”
….ahhh yes, I remember when I had only been married 2.5 years! although I guess with a DVR this is easier!
Great post though, there are little things we should do everyday to show our spouse we love them, thats where the happiness lies.
Ha Ha, Eric! I have to admit that I thought the same thing. Now that we have three kids, my little acts of service usually involve watching them all so my wife can go shopping without any of us. But there was a time early on where I missed some NFL games to do Sunday shopping with her.
Heck… most of us missed a few college football games to GET married. After all, Saturdays are apparently for more than just NCAA pigskin action.
What a great post.
It’s funny, we all work so hard to get those BIG moments (like the trips to Italy or the little surprise in the small light blue box) that it’s easy to forget all the little moments that fuel the work.
I think I owe my wife some bubble bath
Well said, Andy. I hope that bubble bath turned out well for you both.
This is what I didn’t understand when I was younger–how much it’s the little things (occasionally punctuated by big ones) that matter. So many songs, novels, etc. focus on the big shiny moments. But even if you have someone who gives you big shiny moments, if he or she doesn’t have your back the rest of the time, where are you?
Gosh, my husband does so many little things. We moved across the country to LA several months ago. I always make a big deal of my birthday–and everyone else’s; I’m a birthday person–and this year he knew I wouldn’t have all my usual friends to celebrate with and might feel lonely. (I work from home, so this move has been hard for meeting people.) He surprised me by taking the day off from work just to hang out with me . . . and he’s someone who absolutely loves his work and values his time there. That was a recent little but big thing.
But there’s so much: when we argue, I can often *see* him turning himself from wanting to be right to wanting to listen, which encourages me to do the same. He sends me links to articles he thinks I’ll want to read. He volunteers to see chick flicks with me if I don’t have girlfriends available. (He saw the latest Twilight movie with me.) He gets me water each night before bed. He puts lotion on me at bedtime even though he hates the way lotion feels on his hands. If I can’t sleep, he reads to me. (We made it through a huge number of children’s books in a long bout of insomnia.)
I wrote about him and our relationship somewhat in my last blog post. Part of what I was saying there is this: if I had understood this is what real love would be like, I would have shut down previous romantic relationships much more quickly to hold out for the right thing, the real thing.
Thanks so much, Sally! It is so great to read such an insightful comment from someone who “gets it” and recognizes all of the (many) little things your spouse does for you every day.
By the way, I checked out your site and enjoyed your writing. I think our upcoming Fit Marriage project may be right up your alley.
I love this post! Mark and I talk all the time about all the “little” things that we love in our relationship. The big stuff is easy…you only have to do big things once in a while, but it is the little day to day things that keep us falling in love over and over again.
Now *that* is well said! Thanks, Jen.
Aw! Thanks for featuring us Dustin! I really appreciate it.
And thanks for everyone’s great feedback!
@Jen, Sally, Krystal… We’d LOVE to share the little things you mentioned in your comments on our Flaunt It blog! If you’re interested and don’t mind, please drop me a line (info@snweddingbooks.com)!
Thank *you* Amber for such a great post. The comments have been fabulous!
This definitely hits home. My husband just deployed to Afghanistan, and in the weeks leading up to him leaving, I focused on the “little things” taking mental pictures of the everyday love things. Spooning in bed, squeezing the both of us on the couch, washing the dishes together…those are the real moments of love…and really the things you miss when you’re apart!
Thank you for sharing, Jena. God bless your husband and you for your service. My prayers are with you.
Jena, I’m with you there! My hubby’s about to deploy as well, and it’s true – the things I’m savoring and relishing most are the little things.
Amber, it almost freaked me out to read this. The things you listed about you and your husband could have been me and mine! Glad I’m not the only one to make a foamy mess when I brush.
Thank you as well, LeAna. My gratitude and prayers extend to you and your husband. I’m honored to have military families contributing here at Engaged Marriage.
LeAna…
I’m glad it’s not just me with the toothpaste mouth!
and LeAna & Jena…
I have so much respect and gratitude for the people serving our country AND their amazing spouses. We acutally just featured another couple on our blog going through the same thing, and it really made me stop and think. Such a tough thing to go without loved ones for awhile, but our appreciation and prayers are definitely with you!
I love the little cards we leave for each other around the house or in our luggage when one of us is traveling for work… and the few quiet moments we get each night right after we put the kids’ dinner on the table, before we dish up our own. The embrace and those few quiet seconds mean the world in the midst of some of the craziest moments of an already hectic day.
Thanks for sharing, Michael. It’s really cool to hear how you and your wife share and appreciate those few quiet moments each night. That’s what it’s all about at this hectic stage of our lives.