Christian Sexuality: The Supernatural Side of Sex
Christian Sexuality is a powerful, wonderful and mysterious thing. Sex could even be considered “supernatural”…not in a ghoulish way, but in a Godly way…
I am happy to introduce the Engaged Marriage community to a fellow reader and author that I think many of you may relate to. Actually, you may already recognize Gina Parris because she is a regular commenter here. Gina often has some great insight to share from her experiences as a Christian wife and mom to four (including twins).
Well, Gina is also a high-performance coach, and she has used those skills to develop a new program aimed at helping to stoke the romance and passion within committed marriages. When I heard about The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood, I asked her if she would like to guest post here at Engaged Marriage to help spread the word about what I felt was a very worthwhile program.
Well, Gina took it up a notch and offered to exclusively share what she refers to as the “restricted reading” chapter from The Romance Rescue book, which you will find below. I think her words do a wonderful job of explaining in real terms the power of Christian Sexuality. Whether or not you have any interest in the The Romance Rescue program, I think you’ll enjoy this particular chapter.
The reason this is “restricted reading” is that this particular chapter of the book is really the only one that focuses so intently on Gina’s Christian beliefs. The majority of the program is instead focused on practical techniques and mindset exercises to help married couples, and women in particular, rekindle the spark (or inferno) in their sexuality even as we struggle with all of the busyness and distractions of modern life.
To give you a better flavor for what The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood is all about, Gina has also offered an additional excerpt of the e-book for your review. You can download the free introductory excerpt right here to get the full picture of whether The Romance Rescue may be a good fit for you.
Without further ado, please enjoy “The Supernatural Side of Sex” by Gina Parris! Here is a quick intro note Gina asked me to include:
This post is an excerpt from my forthcoming book, The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood. The book describes a technique that transformed my pitiful sex drive so dramatically and quickly that I had to pray about it to make sure it was not some kind of “voodoo.” Thankfully, I was able to move forward in full confidence that my discovery was a good thing – and finally our years of bedroom frustration were over. In the book, this chapter falls under “restricted reading” – as the program is intended to help people who don’t necessarily share my faith. –Gina Parris
The Supernatural Side of Sex
By Gina Parris
What a Beautiful Ring!
My precious neighbor held my hand close to her face to gaze at my wedding ring. She was from Pakistan – living in the house behind ours, with her husband and their grown children. I loved this family – including her daughter who had fled an abusive marriage. “What a beautiful ring!” She exclaimed.
“Thank you; this is my wedding ring,” I explained. “Paul has one that matches it, only without all the diamonds.”
She nodded her head.
“In our Christian marriage, this ring means that everything that Paul ever owned or will own becomes mine, and everything I have ever owned or will own is now his. We are joined together in COVENANT.”
She shook her head in disbelief.
“Well, really it is a symbol of our relationship with God. Through Jesus, he created a covenant or commitment to us that made us one with God. Everything that He has is now available to us, and our lives are His.”
It was a little more than her Muslim mindset could swallow, but in sincerity she answered, “I wish my daughter could have a Christian husband!”
I gave her a hug. “It’s okay. Most Christians don’t even understand it.”
…And the Two Shall Become One Flesh
The thought hit me as I was minding my own business one day. Boom! “For this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
“Wow.” I thought. That’s a lot of words. Do those verses even go together in the Bible?” Then they kept mulling over and over in my mind. I couldn’t stop saying the two sentences. “What in the world is this about?” I wondered.
Finally I couldn’t stand it anymore. Actually I had been teaching a series that I wrote called, “Blood, Guts, and Glory” which was all about the Blood Covenant in history and examples of God making covenants with man. I had not thought so much about marriage at the time. I had to find a Bible and see if these verses went together.
Sure enough. Let’s look at it. (Ephesian 5:31-32)
“The two will become one flesh.” This is a reference to spiritual, soul- bonding sex but also to the relationship that sex represents. It is a cutting away from the old family unit and the creation of something new and very intimate.
“…A profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the Church.” A profound mystery is something we can’t even pretend to explain with perfection, but it’s worth thinking about. Jesus Christ was God in the flesh – sent to become a man to offer his perfection as redemption from man’s rotten state.
He was Love. Sent by Love, because of Love – to demonstrate Love and bring us back to the power of Love – relationship with Himself. Redemption! What a story. What a covenant – sealed by that supernatural blood, which came from his father’s DNA, just like yours did. This is why the Redeemer was born of a virgin. Everyone’s blood comes not from their mother, but from their father.
To Cut Where Blood Flows
The word “covenant” means “to cut where blood flows.” Throughout history in cultures all around the world, we have seen an almost instinctive understanding of this kind of relationship. We have seen “blood brothers” made where guys cut their wrists and mingle the blood to show an unbreakable pact.
We have seen small pygmies in Australia cut covenant with big Aborigines in the same way. When an enemy came against the short people, they could hold up their arms and the scars down their forearms showed that they represented relationship with many others. “If you touch me, you’re touching all of them – and they will fight for me,” the scars said.
In most cultures the covenant extended to generations, and if one party were to break covenant – that person’s own family would kill him to protect the honor. Covenant is not something to be taken lightly.
What Does All that Have to Do With Sex?
Sexual intercourse is an act that brings two people together in covenant. Blood flows when the virgin breaks that mysterious hymen. Scientists don’t know the purpose for such a piece of tissue. God knows though. It represents deep unity. This is why it is so painful to be physically intimate with someone and have the relationship be meaningless.
“Casual Sex” is a lie. At its core, divine unity between a husband and wife represents another divine mystery – Christ and the church.
Loving unity is a symbol of the heart of God towards you. He desires to make you one with himself. He cut the covenant through Jesus, when the blood flowed on the cross. You are safe when you respond to that wooing and say, “Yes, I am yours.”
You Are Loved – Supernaturally
Perhaps you were raised with images of an angry God who was waiting to punish you. The Truth is that He is LOVE. When you can know in your heart that you are loved unconditionally, by the One who IS love, than your whole life can change. You can ultimately only give what you have received. I encourage you to receive this love. It comes with full forgiveness of the past. God is longing to embrace you.
This is Dustin again to close out this post.
I hope you enjoyed Gina’s contribution here as much as I did. Like I said up above please feel free to download the free introductory excerpt to Gina’s e-book to get a better feel for what her entire program is about. By the way, after I invited her to guest post here, Gina asked if I’d like to receive a commission on any sales that are made from Engaged Marriage. As always, I want to up-front and open about it, so please know that if you do buy the course through these links: The Romance Rescue – How to Have Really Great Sex When You’re NOT in the Mood I will get some money to help fund the efforts at this site. Of course, your cost is the same regardless and you support Engaged Marriage if you do choose to purchase the program. Thanks!
I would love to hear from you all on a couple of fronts on this one. Please leave a comment pertaining to any or all of these questions:
- What do you think of this notion of “The Supernatural Side of Sex”?
- What do you think of The Romance Rescue program? Do you think there is a need for this sort of coaching?
- What do you do to keep passion alive in your marriage when life gets crazy?
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I'm Dustin, the guy behind Engaged Marriage. I'm living and loving the crazy life of a young husband and Dad.
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Oh Dustin,
Thank you for sharing this with your readers. I never really thought my “restricted reading” chapter would be one of the first ones put out there publicly, but I hope it blesses your community. I am so thankful for the supernatural goodness of God and also on a practical level, that I was shown a way to move from stressed to sensational in my most intimate relationship! I’ll check in to answer any questions that anyone posts too.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..How to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality
Thank YOU, Gina, for sharing something so personal and powerful with the community here at Engaged Marriage. I know this is a long post with some deep thoughts, but I trust that anyone who reads it will be better for it.
Great post and great blog! May your tribe increase!!
Randy
Randy Elrod´s last blog ..A 2 Minute Video Review of “Sex, Lies & Religion”
Thanks, Randy! I certainly appreciate your support and kind words.
Dustin, my thanks to you and to Gina for starting “sex week” by promoting the idea of this “profound mystery” that the Bible describes and the Gina explains so well in this post. The main mission of my ministry is summed up in this idea: that God gave us a great template for marriage in the mysterious union of his bridegroom Son, Jesus, full of passionate love for his bride, the church. It is indeed something supernatural that can revolutionize our sex lives and the whole of our marriage relationship.
As for keeping passion alive when life gets crazy (which it seems like most of the time)? We work hard at keeping our marraige stoked with intimacy outside the bedroom with things like frequent touch, kissing, and words of affirmation and love. That way it isn’t such a leap when we have the opportunity and energy for sexual intimacy.
Scott´s last blog ..What Do You See? PiP
Yay, “Sex Week!” Great tip on making the effort to stoke the intimacy fires outside of the bedroom so it isn’t such a leap when there’s real opportunity for more. That is exactly one of the tips I give the men in the free audio at The Romance Rescue on “How to get lucky tonight!” Thanks Scott.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..How to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality
Actually my bad. “Sex Week” is actually happening on another blog with a similar name: “Simple Marriage.” Still thanks for sharing this!
Scott´s last blog ..What Do You See? PiP
Yeah, I knew you were talking about “Sex Week” over at Simple Marriage.
You never know when Sex will show up as a topic here, but it’s certainly one of the more popular areas of interest. This post was a little different and takes a bit of a deeper look at the religious and historical aspects, but I really enjoyed it.
And great tips on stoking your intimacy throughout the day!
LOL. Yeah, where is Corey anyway? He should sound off over here for all this free advertising. I like the idea of universal Sex Week across all the marriage blogs!
Gina Parris´s last blog ..How to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality
Thank you so much for sharing this latest project of Gina’s. I am so proud to call her my friend. I love the way she incorporates the bible into this study to show that it is a true covenant that we build with our partner and it should not be taken lightly.
Thanks Dustin and Gina!!
Thanks Doctor Daisy. Man, ya’ll are bringing out the super-spiritual side of my very racy topic! I certainly agree of course, that “covenant” is such a cool subject.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..How to Turn Your Dreams Into Reality
It’s my pleasure, Dr. Daisy! Thank you for visiting and affirming the great work that Gina is doing and sharing.
I think about these scriptures a lot too, as I talk on them specifically in my presentations on natural family planning, and the Theology of the Body. I was listening to an excellent talk by Christopher West the other day that focused on them, expounding on the idea that our marital love is supposed to image the love of Christ for the Church, and that love is Free, Total, Faithful, and Fruitful.
Listen to one of West’s excellent talks online at:
http://www.giftfoundation.org/products_naked.cfm
This series is for a Catholic audience.
If you want to hear one of his talks to a Protestant audience, go to:
http://theologyofthebody.com/download/category/19
Thank you, Gina, for proclaiming in such an excellent way the Supernatural side of marital intimacy. Sex is God’s idea, and it glorifies Him. Recently in my (Debi) devotions, the Lord impressed a picture that I described in my journal – it goes very well with the idea of our oneness as husband and wife and our oneness with Christ! It is a mystery, but a beautiful mystery to be celebrated! I call the picture – The Marriage Dance…
Tom and Debi Walter – TheRomanticVineyard´s last blog ..The Marriage Dance
Here’s a thought. Start with the Apostle Paul’s argument: “Anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her. For it says, ‘The two will become one flesh’” (1 Corinthians 6:16 citing Genesis 2:24). The Genesis citation concerns marriage–a son leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife, so they become one flesh. The sex act makes them one flesh or one body.
Adam and Eve (the latter of whom was just created from Adam’s rib according to the narrative) form the “paradigm” or model couple who, according to the previous chapter, are created together (the one Man Adam-Eve) in the image of God or Imago Dei. Could it be that the fleshly act of sex in some sense mirrors the unity and relationship within the Godhead in whose image Man (Adam-Eve) was created? Well … of course, God is Spirit, NOT flesh (John 4:24), and must be worshiped “in spirit and truth” rather than in a fleshly way. But is Man’s procreation (“be fruitful and multiply” in context of Genesis) in some sense a faint mimicry of (part of) God’s creation of all things in Genesis 1? Well … in any case, “marriage must be honored, and “koite” (coitus) undefiled” Hebrews 13:4.
I have not read Gina’s book, but would be interested to know if her thinking runs in some way parallel … or alternatively if anyone has a contrary argument. In the end though, I think the case for the sacredness of sex can in some way be strengthened by the above.
But this all leads to a related question. Does marriage consist of the sex act? In some sense, Paul seems to be saying it is: one with her in body (1 Cor 6). Yet in context he is also arguing against prostitution and sex outside of marriage. Furthermore, God condemns breaking faith with the wife of one’s youth (Malachi 2:14), “your wife by covenant.” Divorce is a breaking of the marriage covenant, perhaps even if such covenant is merely implicit in the sexual act (compare the narrative of Isaac and Rebekah, esp. Genesis 24:66-67, where mutual parental consent is also present and the narrative may be terse).
Furthermore, joining sexually with a prostitute is wrong for the Christian, Paul says, because the Christian is already joined to the Lord and “one spirit with Him” (1 Cor 6:17). Again, sexual union and spiritual union are in some way analogous. Man the Imago Dei is responsible to act in accord with the God in whose image Man was made. Physical adultery in the Bible is frequently likened to spiritual adultery (Hosea, etc.), that is spiritual adultery is an unfaithfulness to the God with whom one lives in covenant relationship and in spiritual union.
As a possible aside, what then is one to make of the epidemic of cohabitation before marriage? I recently heard a radio broadcast introducing an author couple who are trying to address the problem–http://www.marriagesavers.org/sitems/Press/index.htm–and they suggest at least from statistics that all is not well with cohabitation. See the McManus website marriagesavers.org.
And please forgive my sober and analytical mood in an otherwise upbeat post!
Peter´s last blog ..How to Structure Your Content Onsite and Off
Oh Peter! That is deep. My book is mostly very short and to the point to get someone literally moving from averse to aroused so they can enjoy sex again. (or for the first time if there have been issues obstructing that.)
But yes, I believe its all a wonderful reflection of God, the Trinity, the New Covenant. In all these years I didn’t even realize “koite” was the Greek word in that verse. Very cool.
-Tom and Debi – The Marriage Dance is lovely!
-Batrice – That was interesting to see distinct messages for a Catholic vs a Protestant audience. I grew up “most likely to become a nun” in Catholic school, but became ordained in a protestant denomination, and now find my ministry mainly in the marketplace. I know one thing – God loves his
people and has them scattered everywhere!
Thanks everybody – for chiming in.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..The Only Thing Worse Than Failure
It starts with a muslim woman wishing her daughter had a christian husband? Seriously?? Classy stuff, guys.
Hey giantflag, thanks for your comment. I’ll let Gina share her thoughts since this was her personal experience.
I’m not sure where your sense of offense is coming from honestly. As I understand it, this is a true story that happened to involve a Muslim woman. It could have just as easily been an agnostic, Hindu, Buddhist or even a “secular Christian” who is a Christian in name but doesn’t subscribe to the notion of a covenant between spouses. The point was to stress the sacredness of the covenant of marriage, and to point out that many in the world do share/recognize this belief. It’s truly sacred and should not be taken for granted, even though it often is in our culture.
I’m afraid that in the face of your flippant dismissal of all words surrounding the word “Muslim,” you just may have missed the whole point.
Yeah, I’m not sure what struck you as so unclassy, really. They were dear friends and my goal with them was never to “convert them,” as much as to show them a glimpse of the Divine mystery. As it turned out, the daughter came to my house one day to ask me to pray to my God about her estranged husband and they became re-united and seem quite happy today. She thought the miracle of it all pointed to the faithfulness of God.
Dustin is correct in that the description could have been of any kind of person who was missing out on the wonder of supernatural love.
Truthfully, I think the thing that impressed her about a “Christian husband” was the way she saw Mr. Parris be so helpful and engaged in everything we did. She used to comment about it all the time – especially when she could look in the windows and see him ironing or vacuuming! (Not that I expect you to see the winsomeness of it all.)
Most of us only build friendships with people exactly like ourselves. That would be a shame.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..The Only Thing Worse Than Failure
Thank you so much for posting this! So few people realize just how precious a gift sex is and how God designed us to work and to be with that one person. I wish more people could realize this.
Right on, Miss Lissy! Sex is the most precious of gifts, and it’s truly sad to see how our culture has marginalized it into a simple, casual “act.” Trust me, I’m doing my best to help more people realize it!
Yeah thanks for chiming in, Miss Lissy! I’m with you on that “one person” thing. Did you know in a huge study from Dartmouth University of 16 thousand people – the poll results showed that sex – not money or anything else, had the highest bearing on people’s levels of happiness? Not surprisingly, the happiest people had sex with one partner – and the more partners people had, statistically the less happy they described themselves.
I teach my kids that what makes things valuable and desirable (like a high-end country club) is how EX-clusive it is. Monogamy is powerful that way, not to mention spiritual, and just plain fun.
Gina Parris´s last blog ..The Only Thing Worse Than Failure