I do like Rachel’s advice to ask her opinion on things and try to include her more. Even though I may disagree with her opinion, surely it will make her feel valued if I ask.

My mother is very glad that my mother-in-law respects boundaries though. Both my grandmothers have boundary issues, and it’s not safe to leave them in the house, because they’ll start cleaning stuff (and when the magnets get moved to by the computer, or the marble rolling pin to the edge of the drawer, or the paper towels to next to the compost, it’s not cleaning, it’s breaking). They also have a habit of being overly lavish with gifts. My mother-in-law, however, is married to a pastor and the both of them took several courses in how to have healthy relationships, so if I tell her that I would rather she not do something she’ll respect it, and she never cleans without an invitation (she might offer if it was really bad and I was really busy, but that’s it).

Have you ever thought about going out of your way to really open yourself up to your mother-in-law? It can be a little tough sometimes, especially if you feel like you’re doing all the work and she is contributing little – or none. It took my own mother over two decades to finally get to a comfortable, friendly place with her mother-in-law, even if they will never be BFF. But she has made a huge effort during my life to include my Grandma, ask her opinion (even if she doesn’t agree), and try to get involved in one or two things my Grandma is interested in.

Take a look at the 8 Things You Can Do to Make Your Mother-in-Law Feel Special at the end of Storkie’s own blog post linked to above. There are some great ideas there that could help you begin breaking down that awkward barrier between you and MIL. Let us know how it goes!