I don’t believe in saying “you always” or “you never” because of course that’s not true, and it puts the other person on the defensive. But what if the issue at hand is an attitude or bigger issue that generates behavior, and similar behaviors keep cropping up? Isn’t it appropriate then to bring up earlier examples as a pattern of behavior? Is that considered history? Should we avoid bringing up things when we keep getting hurt the same way (such as being controlled/micromanaged), just with slightly different behaviors?

It’s easy to say, “I’m sorry” when your spouse confronts you about micromanaging how you wash the dishes. In an isolated or uncommon case, that’s appropriate. But when the micromanaging also includes how and what you cook and what you wear, and is paired with mockery and veiled insults, there’s a much bigger issue.