Engaged Marriage » Sex & Family Planning

3 Reasons You’re Wrong About Natural Family Planning

Dustin — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:30:41 +0000

The following the first few paragraphs from a post I wrote over at Your Tango defending Natural Family Planning. As you may know, NFP has meant a lot to our marriage, and I’m pretty passionate about clearing up misconceptions. While I don’t try to convert people to practice NFP, I get a BIT upset when large websites publish blatantly false information. Fortunately, in this case, I was given an opportunity to respond. Enjoy!

If you’ve heard the term Natural Family Planning (NFP), there’s a very good chance, it’s probably almost a certainty actually, that you were given some bad information about it.

As someone who has practiced NFP with my wife for around six years, I know I’ve heard more than my fair share of misguidance from family, the media and even priests. Sometimes it’s honest confusion or simply a passing along of misinformation, but other times it’s a blatant attack on a somewhat mysterious practice that many in our culture chalk-up to some form of crazy desire for 20 kids or an exercise in Pope-worshiping.

I’ve heard it all as a marriage blogger who writes openly about all aspects of NFP and healthy sexuality over at Engaged Marriage. I’ve even written here at Your Tango about the challenges of Natural Family Planning.

So, I was a bit shocked when I read a recent post by Lyz Lenz in the Traditional Love Blog bashing NFP while linking to said post. I’m actually cool with bashing, and my goals in writing about NFP are never about converting people to practice it (I’m not that naive), but when someone publishes blatantly false statements about Natural Family Planning and further feeds the steady stream of misinformation that caused my wife and I so much emotional pain early in our marriage, I get upset.

But getting upset does no good, so I thought I’d instead share a bit of a rebuttal to Lyz’s post and hopefully clean up some of the mud that was slung at Natural Family Planning, which she called “ridiculous.” I could literally write a book on this subject, but you don’t want to read a book about NFP, so let’s just hit three major misconceptions, all of which were part of Lyz’s post.

For the rest of this post, please go over and read it at Your Tango. While you’re there, I’d LOVE it if you could share your own thoughts/experiences in the comments section. Thanks!

http://www.yourtango.com/201187080/why-i-believe-in-natural-family-planning

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Technorati Tags: Family Planning, Fertility, My Story, Natural Family Planning, Sex, Spirituality

Don’t Miss the Sexy Summit

Dustin — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:31:44 +0000

If you’re looking to improve your sex life and ramp up the romance in your marriage, you won’t want to miss a special event that my friend Gina Parris is hosting next week. I am honored to be one of ten experts featured in this interview series aimed at helping you enjoy the Sexy Marriage that God desires for you!

From June 13-17, you can learn from some of the best experts in the world on the topics of love, intimacy and sex. And the best part is it’s totally free to attend. Just click the link below for all the details:

Get the Details & Get Signed Up for the Sexy Summit

If you can’t catch all the interviews next week, no worrries. The transcripts and the audio recordings will be available to buy and listen to whenever you wish with a portion of the proceeds to benefit a very worthy charity.

I encourage you to do what it takes to be part of the Sexy Summit and put all of this amazing advice into action in your relationship. After all, a healthy and thriving sex life is central to an extraordinary Christian marriage.

Go get signed up today!

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Technorati Tags: Communication, Free Stuff, Romance, Sex, Spirituality, Time Management

Finding Time for Sex

Dustin — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 10:00:26 +0000

Today’s post is adapted from my upcoming book 15 Minute Marriage Makeover – Refresh Your Relationship, Add Sizzle to Your Sex Life & Be Happier in Just Minutes a Day. Please check out the end of the post for more information.

Have you encountered times in your marriage where one or both of you wanted to have sex, but there just wasn’t time or energy for it?

I know that we used to face this realization way too often in our own marriage. We would exchange some “indications” earlier in the day that we were looking forward to an intimate evening.

However, after a longer-than-usual time spent getting the kids to go to sleep, we would remember the need to straighten up the house for guests the next day or a work deadline would surface that needed immediate attention. Before we knew it, one of us was busy working on a project while the other had fallen asleep on the couch.

At this point, it’s often easier to just say, “Let’s try again tomorrow. Good night.”

Today’s Lesson

So, how can we avoid this recurring problem where we feel there’s no time to have a quality sexual relationship with our spouse?

The simple answer is that we must make sex a priority in our marriage. Obviously, this is easier said than done, but there are practical ways to make it happen. It all starts with our mindset.

I want you to imagine for a moment that you know that your spouse is not going to be alive tomorrow night. Tonight is literally your last night together on Earth, and you know that both God and your spouse desperately want your last night together to be spent making love and sharing a deep intimacy with one another.

Now, do you have time for sex tonight?

Obviously, this is an extreme example, but the point is that we cannot treat sex with our spouse like another chore on our to-do list for the day. We cannot say that we’ll have sex as soon as the “important” stuff like the dishes, laundry and baseball game are out of the way.

We’ll dig deeper into why sex is important to each of you in tomorrow’s lesson, but suffice it to say that a healthy sex life is the center of a healthy, thriving marriage. And when you treat sex like just another chore, it becomes just another chore.

And that is not okay.

Today’s Couple Time Task

During your 15 minutes of Couple Time today, I’d like you to talk openly and honestly about where each of you sees sex fitting into your lives in terms of priorities. Discuss both where it sits in your own mind and where you observe it to sit in your partner’s mind.

Please be forewarned that there’s a very good chance that your personal perception will not be your spouse’s reality when it comes to this sensitive topic. Do not get into a fight about who is right or wrong, but instead treat your partner’s thoughts as the truth. After all, when it comes to your sex life, it’s truly their perception that matters.

Spend a few minutes talking about how you can make improved intimacy (including sex) a higher priority in your daily lives.

When are some times when you could be intimate instead of doing other mundane things around the house?
Where are some areas that you could improve in your overall intimacy, including those areas that don’t directly involve sex?
What has been holding you back, and what can your spouse do to ease your burdens and help you desire more intimacy?

Finally, I’d encourage you to spend this evening pretending like it is your last evening together on Earth.

Today’s Tips

Do not fall into the trap of using your Couple Time today to argue or point blame at each other. This is your time to be constructive and work together to improve the intimacy in your marriage.
While sex is the culmination of physical intimacy, keep in mind that intimacy should be alive and well in many areas of your marriage.
Some examples of intimacy outside of sex include recreational time spent together, physical activity together, spiritual intimacy, emotional connectedness and even financial intimacy.
For a full workbook aimed at improving all areas of intimacy in your marriage, I’d encourage you to check out a great book called Stripped Down.

This post is adapted from one of 28 powerful daily exercises that will take your marriage from good to extraordinary in just 15 minutes per day. I’m closing down access to the early notification list tomorrow, so if you’d like to get the new book at a nice discount several days before I open it up to the public, please be sure to join the early bird list by clicking here now.

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Technorati Tags: 15 Minute Marriage Makeover, My Story, Sex, Time Management

Natural Family Planning: The Creighton Model

Dustin — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 10:00:13 +0000

Note: This is a guest post from a researcher who is futhering the study of a particular type of Natural Family Planning. There’s even a chance for you to take part in the study at the end of the post. Enjoy!

Looking for a “greener” method for family planning? Tired of birth control pills? Ready to understand your body and cycle better? If you said yes to any of the above questions, then please read on!

Women have natural means to know when they are fertile and infertile. Specifically, by checking cervical secretions and charting the observations every day, a woman can take control and understand her cycle. This is called the Creighton Method, and it is even effective for women with abnormal menstrual cycles.

Trained practitioners at FertilityCare Centers (http://medicine.utah.edu/dfpm/Research/CEIBA/centers.htm) teach the method and help couples monitor the results of their charting. It is a safe and natural way to both achieve and prevent pregnancy.

But you don’t have to take my word for it. Check out the following testimonial of Sarah from Missouri, a current participant in an international Creighton Model study:

“I had been on birth control since my teenage years because of issues with my menstrual cycle (irregular, heavy bleeding, unbearable cramping, mood swings, etc.) and I had seen a lot of the side effects it had on my body. As we began looking into it, we learned that using the Creighton Model would help me figure out some of my female issues as well as provide a way to avoid pregnancy.

I quickly realized that birth control was just a band-aid solution. Through learning to chart from a nurse (and having a good doctor), we would be able to figure out exactly where the issues stem from so we can fix it naturally rather than putting synthetic hormones into my body. My husband and I started learning the Creighton Model a few months before our wedding and it was not hard, it’s just a commitment. We always felt extremely supported!

We couldn’t be happier knowing that we are preventing pregnancy naturally and when the time comes for us to have children, we are confident that this model will help us achieve pregnancy just as easily as we were able to prevent it. Being a part of the CEIBA study is very important to us as well. We want to show others that Natural Family Planning is a healthy and effective way to avoid pregnancy.

We just wish that more people knew about it!”

If you are interested or you would like to learn more about the Creighton Model or the study, please visit http://medicine.utah.edu/dfpm/Research/CEIBA/index.htm, call 801-231-6434, or email us at ceibastudy@gmail.com.

You can also check us out on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ceibastudy.

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This is a guest post from Kaitlin Carruth, BS, MPH(c). Kaitlin’s hobbies include swimming, rock climbing, and rowing. She is currently a student at the University of Utah and a proponent of the Creighton Model and natural family planning.

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Technorati Tags: Family Planning, Fertility, Guest Post, Natural Family Planning, Sex

Living the Sacrament: A Catholic NFP Community

Dustin — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 10:00:52 +0000

This guest post highlights a wonderful new online resource for women practicing NFP. If you’ve been around Engaged Marriage very long, you’ll know that this topic is near and dear to me, and I love to share quality resources when I find them.

In the United States, only about 1.5% of women use a form of Natural Family Planning (see Reference 1 below).

Unfortunately, this often means that many of these women are isolated from others who use NFP. For instance, one of our council members, Larissa, drove over 60 miles to attend an NFP class with her fiancée.

Beyond family members, she did not know who else she could ask questions of, or share in the joys and struggles of practicing chastity within marriage. She often wondered:

“Does NFP really work? “
“How come nobody else is doing this?”
“Abstinence is a lot harder than I anticipated, how do other women cope?”

As Catholic women, we need a support system. Often due to daily workload, family commitments, and physical distance from others with similar beliefs, we can often feel isolated.

Recognizing this need for connection with others, five women, in the fall of 2010, decided to take this need to prayer and find a solution. We felt called to provide a place for others, like ourselves, to learn more about NFP and Catholic teachings on marriage and fertility.

We wanted women to have a safe space where they could receive encouragement and share ideas, supporting one another while living out their vocation. Thus, “Living the Sacrament: A Catholic NFP Community” was born!

Our Leadership Team

Like many of our members, our leadership team is spread out across the United States. Kara is from Kentucky, Larissa is from California, CC is from Texas, Tara is from Arkansas, and Kristin is from North Dakota!

We have already begun adding international members to our site and hope to one day have them represented within leadership as well!

What You Can Expect to Find On-site

Women visiting our community can expect to chat with others who are striving for holiness whether they are single, dating, engaged, or married. Our members use a variety of NFP methods including CCL, Marquette, Billings, and Creighton, just to mention a few!

Our current membership also includes several women who are currently NFP instructors as well as an IBCLC or two. We do our best to honor and support one another in following the teachings of the Catholic Church and encourage our members to do so as well.

More specifically, we provide online forums for women prayerfully using NFP within their marriages to postpone pregnancy, achieve pregnancy, and cope with fertility issues. There are also spaces for sharing parenting advice, posting prayer requests, asking questions about faith and marriage, and even for reviewing products we have used in our homes.

It is our greatest hope that all women will receive the love and support they need and that those still struggling with their fertility choices will be moved to abandon artificial contraception in favor of Natural Family Planning.

Do I Need To Be Catholic Or Married To A Catholic In Order To Join?

Absolutely not! We welcome women of all faiths to join us if they feel the need for support in their lives or would simply like to learn more about Natural Family Planning!

We do however expect the conversations of our members and content of our site to uphold the teachings of the Catholic Church.

What about the Men?

While we are currently a women-only site, we cannot forget the importance of support for our husbands and Catholic Men in general.

Natural Family Planning is about both husband and wife, working together with shared fertility to uphold the virtues of a chaste marriage. And this is often not an easy task. Historically, there has been even less support for our husbands than for us.

There are two sites in particular that we would like to encourage Catholic Men to check out! The first is The National Fellowship of Catholic Men. They are on the verge of opening The Global Catholic Men’s Community. We believe this will be a wonderful resource for all Catholic Men. You can learn more about their plans here.

The second resource is Catholic Dads Online, a wonderful ministry that allows blogging Catholic Dads from all over the globe to share with one another through their personal writings and life experiences. If you don’t have a blog yourself don’t let that stop you.

Read along and join in the conversation!

How To Join Us at Living The Sacrament

To better assure the privacy of our members and allow them the freedom to seek support in areas that are sometimes difficult to talk about, we are a private forum. This simply means that our main forum is not viewable to non-registered members.

To log-in, you will first need to register and your account will need to be activated by an admin which can happen almost instantly or take as long as 12 hours depending on if one of us is online at the time of your submission.

We Look Forward to Serving You!

Although we just recently opened, our membership is steadily growing with both national and international members! We welcome women from all over the world to come connect with others in their search for holiness.

We look forward to meeting you!

Reference 1: Chandra, A; Martinez GM, Mosher WD, Abma JC, Jones J. (2005). “Fertility, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health of U.S. Women: Data From the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth” (PDF). Vital Health Stat (National Center for Health Statistics) 23 (25). Retrieved 2007-05-20. See Table 56.

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Technorati Tags: Family Planning, Fertility, Guest Post, Natural Family Planning, Sex, Spirituality