Engaged Marriage » Marriage Preparation

7 Romantic Gestures for Your Wedding Week

Dustin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:02:54 +0000

If you have been with your partner for a few years and you’ve recently gotten engaged, then you are sure to be in one of the most exciting times of your relationship.

If you are a romantic person who loves making whimsical gestures, then why not surprise your partner with some spontaneous surprises in the week leading up to your wedding?

If it’s the week before your wedding and everything is arranged, paid for and sorted, from the bridesmaid’s dresses with their matching Seventy Seven Diamonds jewelery, to the band and the venue, then you and your partner deserve a well earned break from all the organizing you have done. But why not add an extra bit of romance and excitement by surprising your other half with something special each day before the wedding?

Here are seven romantic gestures to make the week before your wedding even more exciting:

1. Buy some heart shaped pieces of paper and on each one, write something loving and romantic. Hide them around the house and see if your partner can find them all before the big day.

2. On a warm summer’s evening, take your partner to a quiet spot in your local park where you can surprise them with a sunset picnic.

3. Make a CD of the most romantic songs you can find and spend the night dancing together.

4. Surprise your partner with a collage, made up of photos from when you were first dating.

5. Buy a chocolate fondue set and indulge yourselves all evening while watching your favorite films.

6. Wake up a little bit earlier than normal to beautifully decorate the dining table and make a special breakfast for you both to enjoy.

7. If you are sticking to tradition by not seeing each other the night before your wedding, send flowers or champagne to where they are staying with a romantic note.

Your wedding will undoubtedly be one of the most memorable days of your life. Why not add some romance and make it a wedding week to remember?

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Arranged Marriage: A Look from the Inside

Dustin — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:15:53 +0000

Note: This guest post was written by Surabhi Surendra of Womantics. I know I found this insight on arranged marriages to be fascinating, and I hope you enjoy learning about this cultural practice from a woman who is living it.

Arranged marriage.

This is how we refer to the practice that led me to my husband in my home country of India.

Are you familiar with the term? Whether you are new to the idea or understand how it works, I’d like to tell you more about it from my perspective.

It is an arrangement in which the parents or the close relatives arrange the marriage or, in better words, find a suitable match for their daughter or son. In earlier times, marriage was solely a right of the parents or guardians and prospects hardly had any say in it, but with changing times and better education, the system has refined itself into a more friendly practice.

Today, prospects can not only voice their preferences, but they can even outright refuse a match if they are not comfortable with it.

My Personal Experience with Arranged Marriage

I will give my own personal experience.

Since my childhood, I somehow never believed in the concept of arranged marriages. Being a hard core romantic movie fan, I always dreamed of a prince charming who would suddenly appear (from no where) and would treat me like his princess. Being an Aries by sun sign added to my languidness of fairy world.

I told this to my parents. My father, an extremely understanding man, explained to me that I was free to get married to a man of my choice provided I complete my studies well and took up a secure job.

I did. At 23, I had an envious job and a likeable personality. Soon, I had the urge of falling in love.

I did. Sadly, it was a bad choice. I tried it again with another man and failed despondently.

I spent around 4 years looking for my soul mate who was no where to be seen. Along the way, my parents were anyway looking for a match for me. They even introduced me to some of them – but I was not supposed to like them, I was waiting for my prince.

After four years of futile attempts, I became hopeless and started to believe that marital bliss was probably not in my destiny.

And then arranged marriage came to my rescue.

Dad introduced me to him. We talked on the phone and at once we knew we had a connection. We got married in three months, and I feel elated in announcing that today we are happily married and have a pretty daughter.

So what does the system of “arranged marriage” have to do with my story? A lot, I must say.

We all hanker upon the typical stereotypes associated with beauty, success and all materialistic attributes. So much so that we innocuously move away from reality and start chasing the non-existent. Meanwhile, our parents, being the more experienced and reasonable, know the harsh realities of the world and thus keep their expectations at a real level.

The only thing that distinguishes arranged marriages in the east from love marriages in the west is the way two prospects meet.

In the west, it is mostly an accidental meeting, while in the east the initial meeting is planned. From the first meeting on, the people involved decide how they take it forward. And nowadays this first meeting is often taken care of by the various matrimony websites where singles create their profiles and look for a matching partner.

Why Arranged Marriage is Not a Bad Idea

1) Picking the best of the lot – the arranged marriage system lets one pick the best prospect. With preferences well chalked out, one can actually choose their partner instead of accidentally meeting their would-be mate.

2) More informed decision with background check – as the prospects are suggested by family and relatives, one makes an informed decision. A thorough background check can be done to discover any hidden “skeletons.”

3) Seeing the unseen – the biggest advantage of an arranged marriage lies in the fact that through it, we see what we don’t see otherwise. Sometimes in our endeavour to find love, we rush into things and mistakenly consider it as true love.

Arranged marriages let us see the not-so-obvious facts.

4) Marriage is not an individual thing, it is a family affair – at least that’s what we believe in India. Here, marriages are about two families that bond together and not just two individuals. And thus when parents find a match, they take families into consideration and try to find not just a suitable match but also a suitable family.

5) Arranged marriages are taken seriously – it is true. People take arranged marriages very seriously as two families are involved. One decision of divorce gives a jolt to two families.

The decision of getting married is taken with consent of elders and thus even the decision of divorce has to be pondered over by the entire family. Also at the time of courtship, the couple spends lot of time in understanding each other’s family and that simply adds to the foundation of the marriage.

6) Love lasts longer – in a typical arranged marriage, two people meet, get to know each other, realize that they can spend the rest of their lives with one another and then get married. Once they get into the committed relationship of marriage, they discover each other more and with a sense of commitment, they fall in love.

In the process, they develop the trust, respect and deep love for their each other as well for the relationship. In this case, there is no fear of commitment and thus the love that develops out of it lasts longer.

7) Parents know better – when I talked to my hubby for the first time on phone, I was not quite impressed initially as he seemed to be a tongue tied person very much in contrast with my extrovert nature. But one thing about him simply struck me – his honesty. He called me and the phone got disconnected. It took him 10 minutes to call back. When I picked up he said, ‘sorry, my phone ran out of talk time. In order to save money, I try to keep minimum talk time on my phone. The lesser the better for me ’.

Had it been any other guy, he would have certainly tried to flaunt his money, but here I was talking to a person who had no qualms whatsoever in accepting his financial constraints, despite the fact that he is an IAS (Indian Administrative Service) officer, the highest civil service in the country.

That very moment, I recollected what my dad had told me about him- ‘you just can’t refuse him. He is too honest to be refused’. I thought to myself, ‘I am not sure of finding true love but at least I should settle down with a true person’. And that’s when I decided to say yes! Parents are involved in every step of the relationship, and thus their guidance and experience is always there to show the right direction.

I do not blindly advocate arranged marriages. Of course, like every other thing, arranged marriages also fail at times. After all, the success of a marriage does not depend on how you first met your partner but rather on how you take that meeting forward.

What are your thoughts and/or questions on arranged marriage?

Surabhi Surendra, a blogger and home maker by profession, blogs at womanatics.

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Getting Married in College

Dustin — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:10:50 +0000

Note: This is a guest post from Marina Salsbury. I’ve been asked about this topic numerous times and enjoy hearing a fresh take on it. FYI, I was married right after college graduation, and Bethany was still in college at the time.

Often couples who date in college want to go ahead and get married while they are still in school, rather than wait until they have graduated and completed their education.

There are many issues to be considered when making this life-changing decision, including how it will effect the couple financially, emotionally and socially.

Marriage in college can change the picture of cramming in the library or working on online college classes in a messy dorm quite a bit.

While there appears to be little agreement among researchers about the ideal age to marry, collegiate couples in their 20s often choose to go ahead and begin their marriages, even if they are still in school.

Developmental Goals of Young Adulthood

Each decade in life has certain developmental goals to be reached.

During the 20s, which is when the majority of people attend college, people begin to live as independent adults away from the structure of family and parents. This is a time when people start to explore their own senses of value, make plans and goals for themselves, and explore what they want to accomplish in life.

It isn’t uncommon for college students to change the focus of their studies several times during their college careers simply because their interests change and they discover something they hadn’t considered as a career option.

Young adulthood has also traditionally been a time when couples would come together, get married, and then start a family. Couples in the 1940s were married in their early 20s, but today it’s not uncommon for couples to be several years older before considering marriage: on average they are 25 years old for females and 28 for males.

This time of life is also prime childbearing age for women and often this is a driving factor for couples to get married in their 20s. If having children is a primary goal in life, many couples want to have children when their bodies are most ready and able to handle the rigors of pregnancy and parenthood.

Financial Considerations

When couples are considering getting married while still in college, one of the major factors to think about is the financial impact it will have for them. Many students are dependent on their families and parents for financial support in order to attend college.

One of the questions to ask parents is whether or not they will continue their financial support if a couple gets married. The answer to this question can have a major impact on whether or not it will even be possible for both members of the couple to continue with their studies after they get married.

Another financial issue is what kind of resources the couple will have for living expenses. Not all colleges have living quarters available for married couples. The couple may have to find a way to be able to afford off-campus living, including covering the expenses of rent, utilities, transportation and food (never mind entertainment).

This can be quite a challenge in addition to tuition and other educational expenses.

For some couples, the decision may be to have one member of the couple temporarily stop attending college and work in order to support the other’s continuing educational goals. The risk of taking on this approach to finances is that the partner who stops attending college may find it difficult to return to school once family life is well underway and other responsibilities have been taken on as a married couple.

Social Impact

For college-age couples, getting married can be a boon to social life. If they have numerous friends who are already married or at least in serious relationships, then it’s easy to have lots of support in living together as married couple.

The fact is married couples tend to spend most of their free time with other couples. Single friends may drift away or feel left out because they don’t share similar experiences or interests. This can be especially true if a couple quickly has children after they’re married.

Having children while married and in college is also a difficult challenge. Juggling parenting duties, classes, and working can be stressful on almost any married couple. As a result, many couples who decide to get married while still in college deliberately choose to delay having children until they are finished with their educations and established in their careers.

Deciding to get married is one of the most major life events. The impact of getting married while in college can be huge, financially, emotionally, and socially, but it’s possible to be happy and fulfilled, even with the stresses that come with being married while trying to attend classes and meet all of your responsibilities.

Ultimately, if it’s what the couple wants, there’s a way to make it work.

Share your story in the comments – did you get married in college? Why or why not?

(photo source)

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How College Students Can Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Dustin — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 09:00:28 +0000

Note: This is a guest post from Brian Jenkins offering some great tips on long distance relationships, especially for college students. We have a lot of college students, engaged couples and military families as part of the Engaged Marriage community, so I thought this would be a helpful topic to cover for everyone.

What happens when sweethearts have to split up to attend different colleges hundreds of miles apart?

Can they deal with the strain of being apart while keeping the relationship fresh? Many students boldly give it a try because they’re convinced they’ve found their true love, the person they’re destined to marry.

What can these folks do to make things work? Let’s take a look at some long distance relationship tips endorsed by relationship experts. By the way, married couples in long distance relationships can also benefit from these tips!

Be thoughtful: Every couple of weeks, send a hand written love note the old fashioned way, via the postal service. Hand written letters feel more personal than emails or text messages. If you’re the super romantic type, write and send a love poem every once in a while. Flowers, chocolates, balloons, or gift baskets also make thoughtful gifts that your partner will enjoy. And as always, homemade gifts are always appreciated.

Focus on the positive: Gregory Guldner, M.D. is the author of Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide. According to him, “Couples who appreciate the positive aspects of their separation are more likely to stay together.” Some of the positive aspects of a long distance relationship are the ability to take advantage of educational opportunities, the exhilaration of reunions, and the extra time to focus on personal growth.

Stay busy: Don’t spend time waiting for an email or a text message from your partner. You’ll get frustrated and concerned about the relationship. Stay busy by joining clubs, volunteering, or hanging out with friends. Guldner believes that “Companionship with friends helps strengthen your relationship and reduces the loneliness and depression reported by people in long distance relationships.”

Keep dates: Keep all the telephone and online dates you’ve scheduled. Being prompt let’s your sweetheart know that you’re still reliable and eager to spend time together. Setting up the dates in advance builds excitement.

Confrontations via email: Caroline Tiger, author of The Long Distance Relationship, believes that fighting over email is a bad idea. “It’s too easy to misread meanings,” she says. She also mentioned that if you’re concerned about ruining an in-person visit, wait until the middle of your time together to address a contentious issue. “That way, you’ve been able to reconnect, and there’s enough time left to make up.”

Share something in common: Some long distance partners like to rent the same movie and have a long distance movie date via the telephone.

Webcam: Talking on the telephone is great, but take advantage of modern technology and have a conversation via webcam. Use a free service such as Skype. To spice things up, dress up for your webcam dates! Try to schedule webcam chats every other night or so at specific times.

Plan visits: Get together as much as possible. Looking forward to the visits makes the time apart easier to deal with. Plan some romantic and fun activities.

Space to grow: Dr. Sue, a life and relationship coach based in Los Angeles, wrote, “the best long distance relationship advice for scholastic couples is to give each other space to grow as individuals.” She added, “growth and learning are what college is all about, and these are the years where a lot of your tastes, personality, and interests are going to change. Be open to change, and don’t let your relationship limit you.”

In order for long distance relationships to work, both parties have to be equally dedicated to the relationship. Enjoy the relationship, but try not to sacrifice too much.

You can do it!

What advice do you have to share for long distance relationships? Let’s talk in the comments below!

Brian Jenkins, a BrainTrack.com staff writer, contributes feature articles about careers in marriage and family therapy, among other career fields.

(photo source)

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Dr. Gary Chapman on Great Sex, Cohabitation, Marriage Preparation and Much More!

Dustin — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 09:00:32 +0000

I recently had the great privilege of interviewing Dr. Gary Chapman and gaining his insight into a variety of important issues impacting dating, engaged and married couples. As expected, his wisdom was very impressive and exceptionally practical (and you know I like that!).

Most people know Dr. Chapman as the author of more than 30 books on the topics of family and marriage relationships. His best-known book, The Five Love Languages, tops my list of recommended reading for couples. If you haven’t read it, you need to.

Dr. Chapman recently published Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married as a down-to-earth advice guide for dating and engaged couples. Once again, he’s produced a book that will likely top the bestseller list and help many couples.

Here are some examples of the topics covered during our nearly 30-minute conversation:

The vital importance of marriage preparation
How couples should deal with major personality differences
The pros and cons of living together before marriage
What to do when you don’t feel “in love” anymore
Advice for a satisfying sex life
The Apology Love Language
How to deal with a Love Language that changes over time or isn’t identifiable

This is one interview that you won’t want to miss! Just click the play button below and take notes…

It would mean a lot to me if you shared a link to this post with all of your friends via email, Facebook and Twitter. I want to be sure everyone has a chance to gain from Dr. Chapman’s wisdom!

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