What is Your Dream Marriage?

Have you given much thought to just what your Dream Marriage would look like?

When my wife and I recently attended a marriage retreat, which was fantastic by the way, one of the first things we were asked to do was separate from each other for around 15 minutes.  During this time, we were told to write down in our own words specifically what we (as individuals) would have for a marriage if we could snap our fingers and make our wishes come true.

He-Said vs. She-Said

In our case, my wife and I took completely different approaches in our descriptions.  In her typical style, she wrote several (small) pages of emotional thoughts about how we would interact and spend our time together during a given day. My wife gave some great specific examples of things we should do more often, such as relaxing together, praying together and openly communicating on a regular basis.

Not so much for Mr. Planner here.  My “dream” was broken out over a typical week, and I had days for couple-only time, days for full-family time and a day in there for some “me” time as well.  I provided a schedule of what we could be doing throughout the day in dreamland.  



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Marriage And Money: How To Improve Communication And Minimize Money Fights

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Brad Chaffee from Enemy of Debt.

Are you married? Do you have an income? If so, then chances are you have experienced an occasional, or NOT so occasional money fight.

I can tell you from experience that they are never fun, and often end with slamming doors and pots and pans embedded in the dry wall. Since managing money, or the lack of it, is one of the leading causes for divorce, I want to help you deal with the problem at hand.

Don’t get me wrong, eliminating money fights alone won’t save a broken marriage, but it will help you address some major marital issues. Money fights happen for many reasons, but let me share with you some of the reasons my wife and I used to fight about money.  



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• Poor Communication – This is likely the most destructive problem in many marriages. We had very poor communication skills. Have you ever tried dealing with a fight when you cannot even communicate?
• Overdraft Fees – Not keeping track of our money caused many fights over hundreds of dollars in fees. “It was your fault!” “No it was yours!” (constant bickering—later we realized it was both our fault.)

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Attention Ladies: Your Husband Cannot Read Your Mind!

As the results continue to pour in from the Help Engaged Marriage “Grow Up” the Right Way Survey, I have noticed two (of many) interesting trends.  First, around 75% of the respondents are female, and almost every one of these great ladies said they would like more posts related to Communication in Marriage.  Well, be careful what you ask for!

As I read the responses and noticed that women cited Communication as a huge issue, while it was not a top response for men, it occurred to me that I needed to write a post (many actually) to help bridge the disconnect.  To start, I thought I’d deal with an issue that has popped up in our marriage repeatedly over the years.  Honestly, it is still an issue, but we are certainly getting better at dealing with it.

So, what’s the big secret?

Wedding Ring Equals E.S.P.

Doesn’t it seem like your husband or fiance should just know that the laundry needs to be done and your sweater can only be washed on the delicate cycle?  It should be obvious that helping out with the kid’s science fair exhibit is priority number one the night before it’s due, right?  



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Fight Fair! 6 Simple Conflict Resolution Skills for Your Marriage

If you are married or in a serious relationship, I bet it’s fair to say that you have had disagreements with your partner.  For most of us, that’s putting it lightly.

It’s only natural that spouses that spend so much time together are going to have conflicts.  Whenever we do fight, it is critical that we use healthy conflict resolution skills and fight fair!

Remember, when an argument arises, your goal is to resolve the issue at-hand and not to hurt your loved one.  A healthy and marriage-oriented style of conflict resolution strives for two winners through compromise and understanding.  If your actions are not conducive to resolving the issue at hand, then you are not fighting fair.

Of course, this is easier said than done in the heat of the moment.  Fortunately, by adopting some simple rules for fair fighting, you really can allow cooler heads to prevail and resolve conflicts without causing long-term damage to your relationship.

My wife and I learned about these easy-to-remember-rules when they were presented by another (older and wiser) couple at a Pre-Cana marriage preparation course where we were instructing on a different subject.  Their topic was communication, and healthy conflict resolution is a vital aspect of good communication.  



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Have You Tried a Marriage Retreat?

My wife and I experienced our first marriage retreat over the weekend, and  I must say I am pumped!  The particular retreat that we attended was called “Living in Love” and it was presented from a Catholic perspective.  This is appropriate for us because we are practicing Catholics and our faith is very important to us.

That said, I came away from the retreat with the strong feeling that any couple, regardless of their religion or lack thereof, could benefit from participation in one of these weekends away.  I am sure that quality marriage retreats are available in a wide variety of spiritual and even secular settings.

When is the last time that you and your spouse blocked out an entire weekend just for yourselves without the distractions of kids, family, work or social activities?  And beyond that, have you ever taken two solid days to focus exclusively on your marriage and the unique relationship that you share?

This was the first time for us, and I can tell you that it was a very powerful and moving experience!  We shared our deepest desires for our lives, we unearthed deep-seated goals and passions that we hadn’t considered for years, and we shared some moments together that brought us both to tears.  



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