Melt Your Resentment by Talking about Emotional Desires
Note from Dustin: I hear so many stories of resentment, and how it can slowly build until it starts to tear apart a relationship. I’m happy to feature this post from marriage counselor and author Claire Hatch on the subject…and don’t miss the great book giveaway at the end!
You know you have a lot to be thankful for in your marriage.
Your partner is a really good person who loves you. You share goals, you have fun together and you can’t imagine being with anyone else.
But you’ve noticed there are one or two subjects that light your fuse faster than they used to. When your mind doesn’t have enough to occupy it, you find yourself grinding away on them, feeling self-righteous, and shoring up more arguments for your side.
You have a growing feeling your partner doesn’t understand you quite as well as he used to.
These are signs you’ve got some resentment built up. And you’ve got to find a way to speak up about it.
Gratitude – The Power of Thank You
I am a total Words of Affirmation guy.
If you haven’t read The Five Love Languages, I highly recommend you find out your “love language” as well – and listen to my interview with Dr. Gary Chapman while you’re at it.
Well, I was recently reading a post from my friend Fawn at Happy Wives Club…yes, I’m a guy who reads articles on a women’s site, it’s a curse. 
Anyway, her post really struck a chord with me, and she was gracious enough to let me share it with you here at Engaged Marriage.
As you read it, please reflect on all the good and awesome things your spouse does for you every single day. I know that my wife Bethany blesses me in ways that I don’t deserve, and I miss too many opportunities to simply say “thank you” to let her know how much it means to me.
Let’s read and reflect – and definitely head over to join the Happy Wives Club so you can stay inspired.
GRATITUDE
by Fawn of Happy Wives Club
Win Hearts, Not Arguments
Note: This guest post was written by Surabhi Surendra of Womantics
In his book, ‘How to have a beautiful mind’ author Edward De bono explains how one of the characteristics of a beautiful mind is that it carries on with a conversation for acquiring something meaningful in the end, with the hope of gaining some knowledge and not just for the sake of winning the argument. Same rule applies to relationships.
Always be more focused on understanding your partner and not on simply pulling him down. Carrying on with the argument with the intent of winning eventually wastes a lot of time and energy without any gain and, in the end, both you and your partner will lose.
Studies have proven that the biggest source of conflict in any relationship is ego – the urge to win over the partner. We are made to be competitive and to look at everything as a test, as a battle to be won and we believe that is how we achieve perfection.
Winning makes us feel secure, strong and safe. But for any relationship, this attitude is disastrous.
Constant conflicts that result in humiliation and hostility finally lead to distance – emotional and physical distance from the partner and thus a relationship becomes totally void of communication!
How to Talk to Your Partner About What You Don’t Like Without Starting World War III
Note: This is a guest post by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Ashley Arn.
When you’re married, it’s inevitable that some things your partner does, or doesn’t do, will drive you nuts.
It would be great if we could love everything our partner does, but it just won’t happen.
Truthfully, if our partner did every single thing we wanted, it would be great at first, but then even that would become annoying!
I absolutely adore my husband and am simultaneously extremely annoyed by some of the things he does at times. Some things about our partner are bound to get on our nerves, but how we talk about these things makes all the difference.
What do most people do in these types of situations?
Most of us either don’t talk to our partner about what we don’t like and get resentful or we talk to our partner in a very blaming and non-helpful way.
Today, I’ll show you how you can talk to your partner about anything that’s bothering you without starting World War III in your household. Throughout the article, I will use he and she interchangeably because both men and women could benefit from learning these strategies!
Going Solo: Marriage Counseling on Your Own
Note: This is a guest post on a fascinating topic by Naomi at Power of Two Marriage Blog.
It’s safe to say that no one dreams of a marriage full of constant bickering, passive aggressive anger, and a non-existent love life.
However, when it comes down to living intimately with one other person—making decisions, dealing with differences and quirks, raising children—this is the reality that many, if not most, couples face at some point in their relationship.
Why You Should Consider Couples Counseling
Couples counseling exists as a resource for all married folks—from those with minor problems to couples who are on the brink of divorce—to repair and renew their relationship. Numerous studies have proven that certain counseling approaches lead to dramatically better marriages.
At the same time, couples counseling remains, in general, taboo in America. Many people feel very uncomfortable with the idea of seeing a therapist. Part of this stems from a misunderstanding of what couples therapy is and what it can provide.
A key part of couples counseling is to help you and your spouse analyze habits of communication and action to figure out what is leading to the unpleasantness in your marriage. Most of the time these are things you don’t even realize you’re doing!
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I'm Dustin, the guy behind Engaged Marriage. I'm living and loving the crazy life of a young husband and Dad.
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