Note: I’m excited to share these tips from Darren who is a long-time Engaged Marriage community member. His advice for husbands was so thorough, I decided to present it as a two-part series. Enjoy the first three topics below!
Husbands, does your wife feel loved by you?
Would you like to know how to relate to her so she will feel deeply loved?
I’m a huge bookworm, and a book that has had a profound effect on my understanding of what it takes to build a strong marriage is Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. In the book, Emerson talks about six practical ways you can demonstrate love to your wife.
In this first post of a two-part series, I’ll talk about the first three ways.
Live out these simple truths based on the Word of God, and you will energize your wife. Act on these principles, and you’ll see a glow in her eyes.
She will feel loved!
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24)
To cleave means to cling to, to hold on to, to keep close. It means spiritual and emotional closeness. Husbands, your wife will feel loved when you pursue her – when you let her know you want to be close with a look, a touch or a smile.
Your wife wants to connect with you through face-to-face involvement. In this day and age, both of you probably come home after having a long day. But if all you do once you get home is sit on the couch and watch TV while she fixes dinner for you, she will not feel loved.
Help her prepare dinner and ask how her day went, however, and she’ll see your desire to dwell with her and to discover where her heart is. That’s important to her.
Here are two other simple, yet effective things you can do:
Your wife will feel close, and therefore feel loved if you just hold her hand or hug her.
So seek her out. Set up a date night, go out of your way to do something for her, and make it a priority to spend time with her.
Your wife wants to talk about things. That’s probably no secret to you.
What you may not know, however, is that she longs for love, which is experienced in her world by connecting openly with you.
She is likely wondering, “What touches his heart?”
So as hard as it may be for you, open up and share your inner dreams, your yearnings, and even your fears and failures. Your openness in sharing your heart will spell love to her in big letters, and she’ll feel energized by your transparent talk.
Your wife also wants to feel safe enough to bring up any marital problems on a daily basis. This is to keep the relationship up-to-date.
So understand that when she wants to ask questions and talk about the relationship, she isn’t trying to criticize, control or interrogate you. She’s just moving toward you because she loves you – you matter to her!
One of the easiest – yet most effective – ways you can connect with her at new levels of openness is to simply share your day with her.
But if you had a bad day and don’t want to talk at that moment, say, “Honey, something happened at work today. Maybe we can talk about it later, but right now I’d rather not. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong between us.”
That last sentence is key. She needs assurance that your mood has nothing to do with her.
So share your feelings, be willing to talk about financial concerns, possible job changes, and ideas about your future together.
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7)
Your wife wants you to seek to understand her. You don’t have to totally understand your wife – some may say that it’s not even possible. But the key is to want to live with her in an understanding way, so she knows that you trust her heart.
Many see 1 Peter 3:7 as a controversial verse because it describes the woman as “someone weaker.” It’s important to know, however, that Peter is making a comparative statement – not a qualitative one. In other words, he is saying that the wife is vulnerable to her husband.
In the heat of an argument, you may say something like, “I just don’t understand you . . . I wonder if it’s even worth it to try anymore!” If you’ve ever said this, your wife most likely felt hurt by it.
The key to being a more understanding husband is to listen to your wife. But as a man, you’re more inclined to analyze, give answers, and fix the situation. So this is probably hard for you.
But you don’t always need to solve your wife’s problems. Many times, she just needs your listening ear.
Other times, your wife can be feeling a lot of things but not know exactly what they are. As she talks to you, it clarifies things for her. Then she feels better, and she feels understood.
So listen to her in such a way that you can repeat back what she said. Don’t try to fix her problems unless she specifically asks you to. Rather, try to identify her feelings about the problem.
Ladies, does this resonate with you? Would you feel loved if your man did these things?
Dustin Riechmann created Engaged Marriage to help other married couples live a life they love (especially) when they feel too busy to make it happen. He has many passions, including sharing ways to enjoy an awesome marriage in 15 minutes a day, but his heart belongs with his wife Bethany and their three young kids.